What are friends for I ask? My friend Flying Frog dubbed me in and GM Charlie Manson agreed that I should be scribe. The good thing was that Peler handed me a clipboard and a sharp pencil. My pencil is already starting to get somewhat blunt after a week in the LOS. Another good thing is that the Pattaya Hash has followed the majority of establishments in town and now stocks bottled Tiger Beer.
This was the Loy Kratong run and I made my way to the A-site on the hash bus with daughter Cum Yak Yak suitably kitted out in what her Mum calls Thai Costume. She looked a bit hot and bothered and I was glad it was her rather than me. She was also a bit concerned at this stage that nobody else was similarly attired.
Once the matter of New Shoes had been dealt with, the hares briefed us on the long and short runs. One was longer than the other by about 15 mins. I took the long option as usual and remember a varied trail winding via ploughed fields, tapioca and the rest with climbing, jumping and wading. It was quite long enough for me fresh back from colder climes.
Today's theme meant that the circle kicked off unusually with a competition. Prizes would be awarded to the best dressed males and females and there would also be a prize for the best kratong. Of the males who entered, those worth a mention were GM Charlie Manson, who looked like some sort of Indian prince (I've got a good imagination), and Teeny Weeny, who looked like himself, with the addition of some loosely arranged vegetation draped around his neck. Needless to say, the Pattaya hashers voted Teeny Weeny the winner, Charlie Manson second and V.V. third. They won a meal for two in Shenanigans, 10 shooters in the TQ and a free run respectively.
The female version was a vast improvement in looks. It saw Cum Yak Yak pitted against Seaman Swallow, Flipper and Sunflower. The hash decided that the cracks could not be split on looks, but Seaman Swallow took first prize with a fine rendition of something traditional. She was followed by Cum Yak Yak and Flipper and prizes were in the form of meals donated by our generous hash bars. There was only ever going to be one winner of the kratong competition. Tadpole, in her absence preparing things for the On On, had entered a large foot-shaped version. Big Nosed Bastard was awarded the bucket for a feeble attempt to steal the show, while a few wandered down to the lake to see the floating of the flora. As the beer had remained at the circle, so did most of us. Now it was finally time for the raffle with an unusually large number of prizes, some of which I had brought back from Interhash. A double shout between Sir Fester and General Kidney Wiper saw GKW sit on the ice and left some of us wondering about the benefits of laser surgery. Some confused number crunching by raffle mistress Cleopatra was followed by the Queen having to take a seat. Arse-holeo was amongst the winners, constantly searching for some hash paraphernalia that he hasn't already got - hash masking tape would come in handy sometimes to gag him.

On on,
Karl (aka No More Cum)