There ain’t no Santa Claus on the evening stage, there ain’t no food for my horse and there ain’t no FREE WILLY on the open plains, after last weeks holy grail, thank god Christmas only comes but ones a year and that’s enough for me. The Pattaya Hash is a great big bash, well it was last week, what I want to know is how can a man who can’t run organize such a 2 hour ordeal in closing darkness with no escape route for kids. The Pattaya Hash Christmas/New Years run is on it’s way. 127 human beings hit the dirt. Old men, young men, little children, big kids, lovely ladies and even more beautiful ladies head off in the bush. 14 minutes later we are all back at the A-Site, for a lonely man 14 minutes can be a long time. What’s going on? Last week 2 hours of hardship, this week 14 minutes of piss taking? Is this for real or am I having one of my funny dreams? What can I say about the run? Nothing we all must have missed the first check, lots of elephants dung but no elephants, a brothel without girls, “ I am dreaming again”  That’s it folks, you cannot write about something you’ve never seen, or can you? The shortest run in Hash history, just like life, it doesn’t last too long. My favorite movie star VV appears with a new style head scarf, is this the new 2005 style? Hot dog, hot dog, it’s circle time and it’s a big one, many visitors. Raffle time SUNFLOWER calls the lucky winners, some guy on the ice for swapping prizes, you can’t mess around with SUNFLOWER, some people never win. Our new GM FLYING FROG calls the circle with a smile and ices the Hares F**CKING DOG, KEE MAH and R U SURE, what you think about the run today, result: double down downs, for these guys. A good deed was done by the GM, take away the Hash Shit from FREE WILLY and Hash Trash from ARSE HOLEO to start a new year with a clean sheet. Visitors called in, MISTER BEAN ( the real one?) and 2 guys and a lady, noisy people on the ice, our new GM rules with an iron rod! SIR AIRHEAD gives us some religion, “Hares have a seat” now who’s the smart ass who knows the run? Mixed reviews, everybody did the shortcut, everybody lost and find for the first time in life. DOCTOR PINKY was almost the first man in. Whose guilty? It’s that F**CKING DOG! Whose singing? Nobody! Let’s have some fun, let’s ice FREE WILLY and ARSE-HOLEO in the age of the computer, we never forget crime, you cannot say Merry Christmas to someone wearing a crap Hash Christmas shirt, plenty of them, not enough ice, get in that bucket and hurry up, let’s have a note for a “ Satanic Christmas” A new name for our Belgian friend Patrick  De Smet, after much consideration it’s “LICK MY LADA” NO MORE CUM take a seat, his lovely daughter COME YAK YAK, a bad DAD and a lovely girl who was lost and found. Everybody knows dogs are not allowed on the Hash, double down down for the dog lover, “my DAD left me in the woods to die” rescue man KARAMBA is a hero. ICY iced for liking his eggs cooked in his microwave?? A simple thing to do for most people but not for ICY, he likes his exploding egg face, just the kind of guy to cook for your parties. SEAMAN STAINS and VV take a seat, Outstation run organizers, double down downs. Noisy beer truck police, let’s ice them. SIR AIRHEAD on the ice with some bad guys, who wants to be the baddest guy?? SIR CHICKEN F**CKER take over the circle, ices some outstanding girls, huuum good girls. It’s Old McDonalds farm who had dogs, pigs, frog and giraffes and turkeys that like the gobble, great fun! SIR CHICKEN FU**CKER I am sure you missed you vocation in life, SIR. After the Hash Hymn it’s a short drive back into town and Happy hour at Scandi’s, thanks PEGLEG for some great food and the usual service from your staff. Special thanks to our raffle mistress SUNFLOWER for doing a great job also to SEAMAN SWALLOW as beer truck driver (got a license darling?) and a big Hash Hero KARAMBA for not being afraid of the dark. So another year is just around the corner, it is going to hit us in the face or give us a kiss, nobody knows.
We have a great new GM FLYING FROG, who can give us a positive attitude for the coming year, let’s kill the politics and the bull shit and look forward to some great runs and lots of fun to all you guys and girls that attend the PH3 every week, I hope all your dreams come true. Government warning: EATING RAW TURKEY MEAT CAN BE INJURIOUS FOR YOUR HEALTH!!!
Okie dokie, hope to see you all next week!

ON ON
HANNIBAL LECTER