What a great day for a run in the outback. With two seasoned veteran hares BARNACLE BILL and T4, expectations were high that this first run of 2005 for the Pattaya Monday H3 would be the best run of the year. Or would it be the worst? Have you noticed that Mismanagement is so well organised this year? I think the new Grandmaster FLYING FROG can be discredited for this and unfortunately I have decided to plan out my Monday hashing to keep up with this contemporary trend. Because of an estimated 200 people on this run the plan was simple: get to the Scandi bar early, sign up, get a seat on the bus (sick of standing), be a FRB and stay out the front of the pack just behind FIREMAN. The plan worked well. No dogs, quiet cattle, well marked barbed wire, nice scenery, friendly farmers and us FRB’s all agreed that it was the best run of the year. But, the majority in the circle may have felt differently and so to the circle. Our No-Disaster Grandmaster FLYING FROG opened the circle to the jeers of cows, barbed wire, cows and cows. Being a FRB I had missed all the drama of the pack stampeding some hefty cows. A couple of weeks ago we lost some children on the run, but this time the Hares placed these children and their loving parents in danger of being trampled to death. The look of horror and fear on the circle’s faces disappeared as SUNFLOWER’S breasts bounced around (and we all tried to imagine what colour g-string she was wearing under those crack forming tight tights and and where was I …) giving the happy raffle winners prizes including FREE WILLY with the worst Christmas shirt ever. Visitors, MAD MAX, CIA, and BIRD FUCKER were welcomed. Religion and RA SIR AIRHEAD had no hesitation in icing the Hares for causing the near disastrous stampede and the poor farmer was heard to say he was writing a letter of complaint to the Pattaya Mail. KING YAO YAO (bleeding and suffering from barbed wire wounds) rightly criticised the Hares for the death traps they laid. The most popular person on the ice FIREMAN has started a new Hash tradition by wedging 3 large ice cubes into the crack of his arse while patiently waiting in the bucket and with great muscle control releasing them when rising from the ice. It has been suggested by the cracks that the Hash sheet contain photos of nice young buts, but I think this may be a rule 6 or 7 violation. MONSTER and his black eye were iced and it was suggested by the RA that, over time and with the right steroids, he could grow into his name. The circle was then given back to the GM who farewelled the leavers NO MORE CUM and CUM YAK YAK, and Virgins On In to the call of skin, skin (I wounder what that’s about?). Returnees RINGWORM. Anniversaries: I’M A PIG FUCKER – 50 runs, KIDNEY BEAN – 100 runs, RINGWORM – 150 runs, VV - 250 runs. There was confusion when Hash detective PONCHO THE PERVERT iced SPAGHETTI HEAD for letting his lovely expanding wife drive the car in America without having a licence. SPAGHETTI HEAD was heard to say “If it’s good enough in Thailand, its good enough in America” and that his ex-wife is the local sheriff, so everything was OK. To conclude a great night’s entertainment and the best run of the year, all nations were iced for the new year and the merriment continued on the bus and back to the TQ2 for happy hour. 

On On
Cunning Linguist