50 THOUSAND YEARS AGO …….
As the Earth slowly emerged from one of its many Ice Ages the ice belts of the North and South Poles slowly receded and many new lands emerged. After this thaw the single cell creatures commonly called amoebas came to life and slowly over the course of the next 50 Thousand Years evolved into what we now commonly call the Scandi's. With a lot of nodding and a language using the word Ya as every other word, these lands were populated with primitive humanoid life forms, one of these groups of nomads was the dreaded Norwegians. Not content with killing whales and sticking hot potatoes up their bottoms they started to migrate to warmer climates and discovered the drinking club with a running problem more commonly known as the Hash House Harriers.
More recently, in fact two weeks ago.
PELER and TIMMY TIGHT PANTS were in hot conversation over where they could set the future Monday Run. After lots of nodding and Ya Ya’ing they decided to use one of the PH3’s favorite scenic spots not too far behind Wat Yan, so the spot was picked and run # 1094 was recced and laid. Arriving at the A site with GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER riding shotgun I found only a couple of early birds, but the site soon filled up with the eager hashers. SIR CHICKEN F*&KER and CHICKEN NUGGET still dressed in his school uniform were some of the early arrivals, after donning his hash gear he decided to relieve himself, seems this is a regular event at the hash. I am glad he did not have a number two like he did a few weeks ago as he was laying his scent pretty close to my car. Thank God the Hash truck was one of the early arrivals this week as the weather was hot and I was in need of a cold bottle of H2O, well done BOTTOMLESS PIT, keep it up and you can have the job for life. After the Hash bus arrived and all the run site sign ups were completed GM FLYING FROG called the pack to order and sent out his spies in search of new shoes. KING YAO YAO was one of the unlucky few, but after seeing the size of his shoes I think we will either need to stop this tradition or put up the run fees. The Hares were then called into the circle to give this week’s run details, now a standard feature of hare PELER was the short cut for the walkers and wanker’s, pink paper was the sign to look out for the short cut. Then we were off, trying to decide if it was a left or right hander I held back a little and let some of the fitter hashers take the lead, FIREMAN, GERMAN SHEPHERD, MISERABLE CUNT, WANK-KING and KARAMBA seem to be taking the running a bit too serious these days and were well ahead of the more sedate hashers. My group consisted of KNICKERLESS, TERMINAL 4 SKIN, RINGWORM and WHEELS, a visitor from the Yorkshire hash. We were soon circling to the left and the Terrain was starting to get a little steeper, about this time the pink trail was spotted going off to the left. Having to make a difficult choice I opted for the runners run and slogged up the first of several steep inclines. The Pack was now separating out with shouts of Ice the Bastards (Hares) as we slowly ascended then descended each vertical obstacle, at the top of a particularly steep one we had a fantastic view of the surrounding country side. We were soon getting on to a more level plain and up ahead I spotted RINGWORM hobbling along with a twisted ankle and a nasty gash on his knee. TERMINAL 4 SKIN now saw his chance to beat RINGWORM to the amber fluid and teased the cripple as he ran by. Up ahead in the distance I could see the lake and the top of the Hash bus and the end was in sight, five minutes later I was munching on crisps and drinking soda pop. A good run, the right length and time with a short cut for the walkers and wanker's that was not really necessary for intrepid  hashers like CLIT FACE and DR PINKY who never seem to loose sight of their objective …… the sight of the grog truck. With such a scenic spot there were plenty of groups of hashers scattered all over the place, some sitting on the back of pickup trucks with others bringing there personal deck chairs or mats. Lek was doing a brisk business dispensing out BLT’s and Hot Dogs aided by FLIPPER. SIR AIRHEAD was trying to get a couple of the cracks to do a bit of skinny dipping in the lake but with my limited Thai I could understand they were worried about pond life creeping up the cracks and orifices of the male and female anatomy.
After a good rest and a change into a dry T shirt I was ready for the circle, but before FLYING FROG called the pack to order and assemble into a circle around the now familiar blocks of Ice RINGWORM was medivaced by his misses, waving a green medicine bottle in his hand disappeared in a cloud of dust to shouts of F&&K off you B****D. Before the circle was fully assembled SPAGHETTI HEAD was called in for a cool down, SPAG I think you need to get a new volume control fitted. After dealing with the hares SUNFLOWER took charge and rapidly filled up all the available ice space with sinners, it seems that the premature departure of RINGWORM with all the winning raffle tickets caused several delays dispensing out the hash goodies. With the GM back in charge FREE WILLY and KARAMBA were summoned for charges of attempted theft and stealing hash trash bags. ALLAH'S ARSEHOLE, SIR AIRHEAD, DOPEY and RETARD WANKER were iced for various sins, it seems RETARD WANKER is trying to surpass the bad mans record for time spent each week on the ice. After dealing with DR DICK this weeks hash trash for dropping cigarette butts around the A site it was time for a bit of religion and the bad RA was called into the circle. SIR AIRHEAD soon filled up the coolest seats in town with this week’s sinners, KARAMBA and ICY DAVIDSON were first up with rule six violations for holding each others willies to stop primitive creatures crawling up when they went in the lake for a bit of skinny dipping. After the previously unnamed hare was christened TIMMY TIGHT PANTS it was time for the GM to deal with returnee’s and visitors. Again time for some more religion with the good RA STEAMY LUMP taking charge, EXTRA TESTICLE was placed on the solitary ice block with DOPEY and COCK-A-LEAKY sharing the duplex, it seems that ET’s stylist had an off day when he visited last week and his new “look” tint was more marble than the jet black it said on the bottle. The Scandi’s were iced for sending queer penguins or some thing like that to the Germans, RUDI VOELLER and KLOSTER F**K were iced for accepting them. After that I stopped taking notes and the only thing else I remember noteworthy was the song by visiting hasher WHEELS.

On On
The POPE