Hello everybody, the Frying Frog asked me if I would like to write today's story. Well I have been on board a ship for the last six weeks, and it is nice to have some freedom. And be in the fresh air. Not like being on board having to watch every move. Especially not dropping the soap in the shower. But the Captain did warn me that run on the Pattaya Hash. During my leave. He told me who to be wary of. There are some unsavoury characters lurking on that Hash. I signed up at the Scandi Bar. And paid my money to a strange Mexican called Pervert. The Captain should have warned me about him. Those strange darting eyes. I took my seat on the bus. I was looking at all the lovely girls in their tight little shorts. I was beginning to get trouser movement. ohoh. Three girls were looking at me called Hair Bear, Bottom and Free Frog. I do have this effect on girls. They wanted to know my name. I told them. Bill. Barnacle Bill. After a pleasant ride up the Siam Country Club Road. We reached this great big open space. Lots of cars parked everywhere. And then this man who looked like Uncle Festers Dad crashed off his motorbike. He should stick to four wheels. More people were giving money to the strange Mexican. This girl called Ewok was complaining about this man called Stupid Kraut, wanting to kick her bum. ( I was thinking what I would do to it and the rest of her) then I found out he was a German. Enough said. Frying Frog called a circle and one very rich man with new shoes came in. And that handsome Chicken Person filled one shoe up with beer, which he drank. And then these strange hairs came in. They were wearing dog collars around their necks and one was also wearing a wig. One also had a dog lead with no dog on the end of it. I think they had just come from that gay festival in Australia. They told us about the run and off we all went. On the way out I noticed two of those people that the captain had warned me about. Count Clit and Nurse Pinky. They were lurking beside a pick up truck. I kept my eyes on them all the way, until I was well clear. And then fuck me another two suspicious characters. KY Kev and T4. One used to be a ladies hairdresser and T4 as a tendency to go brown carding. I flew past that pair. It was off and over green pastures. Apparently we were running through the reservoir and all the water as gone because of all the building. Who the fuck is buying all these houses. Maybe Miserable Cunt. Some good checks and false trails. Myself and General Kidney ran past some of the slower runners, Wanking and Festering Streaker. Eventually hit the on in and came in  with Ring Nose Bastard. Time for grazing and cold beers. There was a very fit looking bastard walking around. Named Arsehole. He looked like
a red haired Einstein. Frying Frog called the circle. And Swallow does the raffle. That Wanking is a nice man, giving us all those lovely prizes. The Bad RA Sir Airhead came in. He iced those strange hairs. Catch VV. He was trying to find out about the missing dog. Apparently Catch VV had eaten the dog while laying the run. They told us a story about finding two Katoeys eating a dog. But we know that is not true. Fuck the Truth the Hash Lawyer got to the bottom of things. In his own words: "Your Lordship Catch VV were out walking. They spotted a blind man being taken for a walk by his dog. They unhooked the dog named Rover. The blind man as been walking for days. They then proceeded to Bar B Q the dog. When two Katoeys happened to pass by your Lordship. They then invited the two Katoeys for Bar B Q and Beer and that is the fucking truth my Lordship. Are you Certain was brought in for buying soiled ladies underwear. Which he keeps under his pillow. The soiled underwear belonged to Hair Bear and Bottom. Then Peler was brought in for buying a used soiled bra. He paid six thousand baht for Teeny Weenys old bra. Strange people run on that Bush Hash. All the English were iced for Prince Charles getting married to Camilla. Prince Charles had his Stag night at the Vatican. It must have been a really wild party. Three hundred thousand turned up. Fuck ringing the bell at that one. And while we are on the subject of Royalty. King Yao Yao and the Queen were invited in with the Kings long lost illegitimate daughter, strangely named Camilla. May they Reign for ever. Semen Stains sang the hairs song and then led us in the hymn. And the Happy Hour was at the TQ for lots of Hot Dogs. I would imagine that Catch VV were there also. I was off on the first night of freedom looking for some flange.

On on
Barnacle Bill