Wow, looks like a great day for some Hashing with beautiful clear skies.  I think I’ll go to the Monday run.  Oops, what about work?  Hi boss, mind if I take off a little early today to go to the Pattaya Hash run? Get back to work you lazy cunt, cries the boss.  We’ve got cars to build here!  You think they let people off early in Germany just to have fun running!  Ok boss whatever you say, no problems. I’ll go after work.
Buzzzzzzz…. There’s the quitting buzzer at 5:20 pm, the workers are free at last, free at last, thank god I’m free at last.  Let’s get to the run. Drive fast, drive fast, drive fast.  Hey there’s the Karaoke just off road 331 and there’s the Hash bus parked way in the back.  This must be the place. Sure hope they haven’t drank all the beer yet!
This place looks like a picnic site with lots of food and drink and everyone in various states of Relax.  Oh, so this is the 20^th wedding anniversary for our hares Free Willy and Flipper.  That’s what all the food is about.  But how about the runners?  It’s already after 6 pm and not a runner in sight.  Not a thing to worry about explains Willy. I’ve been in this area many times and not a thing to worry about, he says again, with sweat running down his brow.  Really, everything is just fine.  They’ll be back in no time.
Hi Poncho the Pervert.  Mind if I walk down the trail with you to take some pictures as the runners return.  Sure come on along.  We better get a beer first because who knows how long this might take.  Wow, this is a great spot for some pictures Poncho.  Hey, here comes the lead runner Karamba and boy does he look exhausted.  Hi Karamba. Exhausted sweaty smile.  Uhhhhhhh…..long run, big hill, and no paper after the on in. Thanks Karamba.  Wait, wait, wait another 10 minutes.  At last, here comes a pack of runners cries Poncho.  Yes, there’s the real men!  Hi Big Nose, Hi Drippy and friends.  How’s the run guys?  Hot, long, no paper, big hills, lucky if no old fat man has a heart attack.  Thanks guys.  Look Redundant Seaman, here comes the first girls says Poncho.  Boy, she’s a tall pretty girl.  Who’s that, must be a model from Bangkok visiting today?  Oh look it’s only our own Tadpole and there is Queen Stella running like a real athlete too.  They are pretty darn fast for girls, aren’t they Poncho.  Hi ladies.  Quiet exhausted sweat, quiet exhausted sweat.  Silence. Silence.  Thanks girls, looking good says Poncho, keep going you’re almost there.  Oh, look who’s coming next, it’s Spaghetti  Head.  How’s it going Spag Head?  That cock……mother…………, this is a Monday run!  Thanks Spag Head.  Hey Poncho, look here comes Ringworm.  Is he hurt?  No, that’s full speed for a run of this distance.  How do you feel about the run Ringworm?  Silent sweat, silent sweat, silent sweat.  Thanks Ringworm.  Oh boy, here comes the GM, Flying Frog.  Steaming mad, steaming mad, steaming madd!  Was it a good run Flying Frog?  That arse………….. Willy, this is a Monday run, not the Pattaya marathon again or a Bush run! He’ll pay, he’ll pay, he’ll pay.
Back at A site:  Drink beer, drink beer, drink beer.  Wait for runners, wait for runners.  Damn it’s really getting dark now.  Wait for runners, wait for runners.  No problems, all’s well says Willy.  Red face, sweat dribbling down his brow.  Question comes up.  Any runners lost Willy? God for my sake, I hope not! I really hope they like the FREE food or else I’m toast, he thinks to himself.  My wife is really friendly too, maybe that will help me.  They wouldn’t hurt me in front of her on our anniversary, would they?
Circle begins and seconds later, as expected it’s Willy on ice!  Lucky the GM has had a chance to cool down and have some Good Food.  Crowd had a good chance to get drunk while waiting all the lost runners.  Lucky for Willy because the vote comes in good run, good run, good run!  Ok the good run verdict is tolerated by GM, but I’ve got a feeling he still has the old Hash Shit look in his eyes. Unleash the Evil RA, Festering Streaker.  He is chomping at the bit and ready to have his way with the sinners.  First up will be Dr. Pinky for snorting down all the good food before most of the runners came back.  Next a quick but thorough icing for Allah’s A………. for missing in action himself while he was supposed to be finding all the lost runners. Now the RA looks ready to take revenge on Willy and anyone who looks like they enjoyed the run.  So, it’s Willy on ice, joined by Retard Wanker and Fini the Faggot.  Now let’s assign the “awards’ thinks the Evil RA.  It’s clear.  It will be the big Hash shit for Willy, Hash Trash for Fini and since Retard Wanker is pretty much mentally handicapped and always has that “grin” on his face anyway, we’ll let him off the hook with only a good icing.  In summing up the run, the RA requests a moment of silence for “grieving” out of respect for Flipper and 20 long years with Free Willy.  Now there’s a good example of Thai patience thinks the Evil RA. A thank you down down for the mismanagement committee for a great first half of 2005.  Thanks to Clit Face, Peler, GM, VV, Bottomless Pit and Poncho  Enjoy  your drink.  Also a thank you drink for the Katoy Anal Masturbator and other like minded Aussies for a Great Aussie Day run last week.  Here is your certificate says the GM.  I’d prefer another drink seems to be seen on the Aussie faces. Oh here comes the friendly RA, Sir Chicken F…….er, (SCF for short).  Retard Wanker gets another down down for wearing left shoes on both feet and therefore stuck running in circles (for his whole life).  And then, a healthy down down for Missing Personality because, when his wife left him, she only wanted to take the mattress with her. It was the only thing in the house that was never used!
Looks like it’s time to wind things down and head back to town.  Oh, here come the Hares for “their song”.  In the spirit of a wedding anniversary we have our favorite Phil Collins song to play for you, says Willy.  OK, now let’s couple up and dance.  Ball room dancing, ball room dancing, ball room dancing.  Now in the spirit of Pattaya let’s all change partners says Willy.  Big smile from all men.  Change partners.  Dance, Dance, Dance.  Now in the spirit of Pattaya, let’s all change partners again, says Willy.  Big smile from all men.  Willy, you’re not so bad after all!  Thanks for a good run and best of luck for another 20.

On On,
Redundant Seaman