Flipper’s Birthday Hash.
Special birthday greetings to Flipper as many Hashers gathered on Monday to celebrate her day.   Free Willy put paper down for the trail and then did it again.  Apparently, the prospect getting “laid” twice held great appeal for him.  Especially on Flipper’s B-day. Those attending were graced by the presence of a master hare.  Yes, once again, Free Willy has outdone himself to lay an absolutely great trail.  But wait, not just one trail, but two.  A long version and a not so long version.  Something for everyone.
Light clouds rolled in to keep things cool, and, at times, threatened to open up.  But it was perfect hash weather.  The “A” site was a quarry and pond with plenty of parking, views of pastures, the pristine mountains forming the horizon and lots of jungle close by.  The fish were leaping, the birds riding thermals and anxious hashers milling about in the gentle breeze.  The promise of good trail to come hung in the air.
A circle was summoned and new shoes (and an old pair of shoes) were christened with cold beer and a quick song before the pack was turned loose.  These lucky hashers took no notice of the beer to slosh around for the next few kilometers. The trail set laid out ahead, tempting and teasing as a virginal maiden.  Enticing to all and promising much. And much it did deliver.  Especially for those to come to the first and only check.  The mother of all false trails fooled everyone and took the pack out for the longest “FT” in the history of hashing.  Good job, Free Willy and Flipper as that kept the pack together.  Next time though, bring your checkbook and put in a few more checks J  Only one check was to be found. Fields of tapioca made up much of a trail that was to include dirt roads, a few gentle creeks to be crossed and some dense jungle.  All who followed trail and squeezed through to small openings and undergrowth wondered “who did Free Willy hire to lay this section?  He may be good at squeezing in to tight spots but he’d never fit through here.”  The dirt roads made it a runner’s run for sure.  But, the trail was nicely marked and no trouble finding paper. Some hashers were not so easily lead down the paper trail.  Fini was seen shortcutting through the tapioca fields.  Spag Head lost paper and was given sage advice by King Yow-Yow.  “Just follow the cracks, they always find the finish.”  Karamba was seen on the side of a hill gazing longingly at the view and overheard talking to himself.  “It’s just like a scene from an Asian love story.”  Sigh.  Ringworm, with his keen sense of direction was doing great with the counterclockwise course….until the last 100 meters and the trail went clockwise.  It’s rumored he’s still out there running in circles.  Seaman Stains says it was “cleverly done.”  And so it was. Either the beer goggles are getting thicker or the beer police are getting better looking.  Seaman Swallow was made Chief Inspector of the beer truck.  Gazing at that cute little reflective vest was a lovely distraction for many. Flying Frog’s timing for the circle was right on the money.  And timing continued at just the right pace.  The raffle was highlighted when the number 6666 was called out.  Chicken-****er got so excited thinking he heard the number 666 came running in the circle to let everyone know that he is not only the winner, but the anti-christ as well.  “Take a seat on the ice, Chicken-****er!” As it is always a show in itself to watch Ball Ringer squirm, he was put in the bucket just for fun.  As expected, he had more moves than Britney Spears.  Many of the cracks were iced for complaining about Dirt Road Hash shirts being worn at the Monday hash.  If the Dirt Road hash isn’t a hash, then I don’t know what is???  A hash shirt is a hash shirt.
Lone wolf, who himself is an expert in American Indian folklore, told a tale of star crossed teenage love.  His story was complete with actors, props and a punch-line for laughs.  Do I want to hear that one again?  "Wood eye?  Wood eye?"  Ha-ha. As a clear violation of the only rule in hashing – rule 6 – Yow Yow was caught helping Chicken ****er putting on makeup and a dress.  Chicken proudly paraded around as a Katoy while Yow Yow wears the feathered head dress and says “I used to be a Chief.  How did I become just an Indian?” Time goes by and Fini the nurse takes the circle.  As only a Belgian can do, he tells the “true story” of 3 Belgians becoming criminals.  I think most of us assumed that all Belgians were of that type.  Certainly terror strikes the heart of all hashers at the thought of Fini dressed in pink and parading as a nurse.  Run while you can! Don’t forget the Frenchies!  Mr. Waldorf, Mr. Staler and Tupperware got the ice for no apparent reason other than their nationality.  VV, who claims to be Belgian, but sure speaks a lot of French, took a keen interest at the mention of the word “France.”  Maybe he’s not who we think he is??? The real reason for the gathering……Flipper’s birthday.  Flipper was brought in to the circle and given a warm and cheery birthday song.  This was followed by Fini in the bucket and yelling “I’m coming, I’m coming!”  Well, it’s a party and fun for everyone. Festering Streaker and Fireman on the ice……two guys who couldn’t agree on who is younger or older and whether there was too much or too little paper in the trail.  C’mon guys…..get a life.  Perfect candidates to become lifelong hashers. Closing hymns by hares and hash hymn by Seaman Stains.  The ride back to town was graced with a not too crowded bus and lots of cold beers.  TQ-1 hosted the rest of the festivities with even more beautiful scenery and a late night dinner.  Thanks TQ-1. A special thanks to Odd-Job for tirelessly recording the antics of the hash with so many great pictures.  Odd-job, you rock.

ON-ON,
Fireman 

The following (67) hashers have qualified for a free run on next weeks Veterans Run.
Please note: A T-shirt will be made available for sale to anyone on the Veterans Run. No free shirts this year.

ALLAH'S ARSEHOLE, ARE YOU SURE, ARSE-A-HOLIC, ARSE HOPPER, BALL RINGER, BARBIE DOLL, BAZIL, BELL END, BIG NOSED BASTARD, BITCH DOG, BOTTOMLESS PIT, BOTTOMS UP, BOW WOW, CARE BEAR, CHICKEN LEGS, CHICKEN NUGGET, CLIT FACE, DIZZY, DR. PINKY, EWOK, FINI THE FAGGOT, FLYING FROG, FREE WILLY, FLIPPER, FUCKING DOG, FUDGE PACKING FROG, GERMAN SHEPHERD, JAIL BAIT, JATINGJA, JELLO BUTT, KING YAO YAO, KNICKERLESS, KNOB MARLEY, LASSIE, LONE WOLF, LORD LUCAN, MIDNIGHT STAR, MISERABLE CUNT, MISS CHIVAS, MR. STATLER, MR. WALDORF, MRS HEAD, PELER, PONCHO THE PERVERT, PUPPY, QUEEN STELLA, RAINBOW, RAMBO WW2, RAMBOWLING, REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, RINGWORM, ROTTWEILER, SEAMAN STAINS, SEAMAN SWALLOW, SIR AIRHEAD, SIR CHICKEN FUCKER, SIR FESTER, SNOOPY, SPAGHETTI HEAD, SUNFLOWER, TADPOLE, TERMINAL 4 SKIN, TEXAS CAMEL FUCKER, TOO MUCH, TUPPERWARE, VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR, WANK-KING,