Well ladies and gentlemen…..if it’s Monday it’s time for another Hash House Harriers run. There didn’t appear to be a large number of runners this week but whether we have a large or small turnout, a good time is always guaranteed with the usual jollity and bullshit stories to be had.
Today was run #1520 hared by the Disorder family (Mental & Menstrual), Sexy Bum (and it is!!) and Pussy Whipped who comes with his own kind of ‘disorder’. If the “A Site” looked a little familiar to some of us hashers, it might be because the same place was used two weeks ago by the same hares!!! Not to worry though because it’s the fact they took the time to create a run for all of us (or most of us anyways!!!) that matters and as always, thanks to the hares. And while we are saying thanks, it’s time to thank V.V. for the food and the “World’s Greatest Brewmaster”…..Bottomless Pit… who shamelessly reminded me to mention that fact in today’s scribe report (twice).
After the last run here, the land owner (and another thank you for letting us use his
land) if you remember was quite pissed during the circle. Even though you could see his house from the A-Site, in his inebriated state turned left instead of right on his motorcycle and it took him over 4 hours to get home. Hope he has better luck getting home this run.
Now if you want to ask Wankings Wanker about being a scribe he will go on and on about this and that and after a while you forgot what the question was. But two big benefits of scribing is that you get to sit down during the circle and your next run is ‘free’……and who doesn’t like ‘free’ in Thailand. But the ‘speed bump’ on all this scribing is trying to read last nights notes in the bright light of day next morning. I think I’ve invented a new kind of shorthand writing. Don’t even think the Rosetta Stone could help me decipher this one
but here goes…………
Circle was called to order by our Grand Master ‘Scar With Two T’s’ and we welcomed 3 virgins this week. Always good to have new people come out to our Hash. Next order of business was ‘new shoes’ and it was impossible to not see the flourescent green brand new out of the box runners that Crack My Coccyx was wearing. They looked like they would hold at least 3 beers but was told that he wanted water. Well, water isn’t what we came to the Hash run for so Flying Finn quickly jumped in and volunteered to drink a beer for Crack My Coccyx which I thought was mighty neighbourly of him.
It should be noted that Flying Finn is flying off for several months back to Finland. He
and his ‘medicine’ will be sorely missed. As there was a vacancy for the ‘Hash Quack’ until the Finn’s return, I believe Miserable C**t volunteered (willingly or not we don’t know) to fullfil the duties of ‘Hash Quack’. Now where this is going to take us, nobody knows and what MC has in store for us in the future again nobody knows…..just be gentle with us MC!!!!
Next order of business was for the hares to give us the details for today’s run. As it was all familiar territory, it didn’t take long and no warning of dogs, cats, barbed wire, cattle, irate farmers, etc. After the usual about back-checks, false trails and a mention for us to only run on the official ‘hares paper’ and to ignore all the other paper we will see out there, the pack was off. Later on I asked a fellow hasher what time the run started and was told 6.40pm. Again goes to prove that if you want some correct information don’t ask a hasher. About the only thinking that goes on during a Hash run is ‘I think i’ll have another beer’.
Emporer Airhead, Bananas and myself decided to do the walkers run and sure enough
our ‘sure-fire’ shortcut turned into a swampy dead end at the small lake we could see from the A site. So I really don’t know much about what went on during today’s run but after spending a hour with Emporer Airhead, I feel that I came back knowing a lot more about “everything” than when I left the A site and anybody who has done the Hash ‘walking tour’ with Airhead knows what I mean. ‘not to worry’ I thought. I’ll just ask around and ask the returning runners for their opinions of the run and their exciting stories about what actually went on out there. This ‘scribing’ thing isn’t that hard after all. What did I get???? “nothing, nada, zilch, zero, เปล่า, rien, null”….well any- ways you get my drift.
Running Bare took a big tumble apparently and he got a nice hip bruise and a busted phone out of it and I’m a F**king Cupcake told me that he ‘made a new friend out there’. Turns out his new friend was a bee who stung him so I’m a F**king Cuptake was compelled to kill it in revenge. So if you want to make friends with I’m a F**king Cupcake, you have now been officially warned. Other than a couple of other bee sting stories, it was a very quiet, uneventful run.
Circle started and everybody’s favourite weekly raffle was drawn. Sorry didn’t write down the names of the winners (you know who you are) except that Sweetie won two prizes and both times refused to take
Bottomless Pit as her ‘prize’…..instead she chose the alcohol and one was over a litre of what was called ‘wine flavoured drink’ whatever the hell that means.
Next order of business was to call the hares in for another well deserved down-down. What could be a more fitting reward for a job well done than chugging a cold beer while sitting on a block of ice??? I believe the Nobel Prize committee is thinking of adding this ‘tribute’ to their award ceremonies in the near future. Everybody thought it was a great run (except Running Bare and his broken phone) and are looking forward to their next effort on May 20. Thanks guys!!
Pugsley and Rear Gunner didn’t escape the eye of the GM and the general distain of all the other hashers in the circle after they were bragging to everybody that because they work for some kind of airline company, they paid almost nothing for their airfare to Bangkok. While all us other people who fly economy have to cover the cost of the two bastards subsidized airfares with our over-priced ‘trips from hell’…….they were promptly put in the bucket which if I remember correctly is their usual place and where you will always find these two reprobates every time they show up for a hash run. Wankings Wanker took over the circle with his special awards and anniversary acknowledgments. Menstrual Disorder – 25 runs and 5 hares (what a terrific contribution) Pissed Pole Dancer – 150 runs Smiling Brown Spider – 300 runs (the quietest 300 runs in history of the Hash!!) Gangreen – 100 runs Mrs. Head – 550 runs (who said “Head”????)
Menstrual Disorder – 5 hared runs today
Pissed Pole Dancer – 150 runs today
Smiling Brown Spider – 300 runs t-shirt
Gangreen – 100 runs today
Mrs Head – 550 runs today
Flying Finn was spotted at Jomtien Immigration office last week. He has been on a bit of a ‘bender’ this past week or so as part of his leaving Thailand for a few months routine. Apparantly while our Flying Finn was trying to fill out the required forms, his hands were shaking so much that the officer said that he couldn’t read F/F‘s writing and wouldn’t accept the documents in that condition and asked him to come back another day. All it took was for F/F to step outside, reach into his bag and pull out a bottle of his Hash Quack medicine and down some/most of it. This ‘miracle juice’ worked as after a few quaffs his body stopped shaking and his hands were now as steady as a diamond cutters which enabled him to return to the office and complete all the forms perfectly. Guess alcohol is the solution to most life’s problems after all.
It was my turn as scribe to take the circle to recommend a scribe for next weeks
run.Much to my relief (and most of hashers there) Sexy Bum had volunteered to scribe again. Last week was her first time and not only did we learn a lot about the Hash run, we also learned a lot about her…..we wonder what family secrets she will spill next week. There is a rumour that Sexy Bum has a PH3 tatoo somewhere on her body that is not easily visible. Why isn’t Pussy Whipped taking pictures of things that really matter and are important to us?
Next up was Sir Chicken F**ker parading around in his new cardboard shoes. Not really shoes but they were cardboard boxes and georgous they were. Most people can’t wear cardboard but SCF sure looked stunning in them. Sadly they were only meant for show and after a couple of turns around the Hash boardwalk the right one gave up the ghost which had SCF all worked up because now he would probably have to buy 2 or more new pairs of shoes to replace his cardboard ones. I also have some kind of note that SCF was also talking about some ventriliquist girlfriend who can give a blow job from across the room…….still don’t know what that means.
Next on SCF’s hit list was Doesn’t Touch The Sides. The burning question was how
DTTS‘s girlfriend hash name was Black Hole. I think there was some muttering, shrugging of the shoulders and a overall lack of any knowledge on that subject whatsoever. Guess we will have to leave that topic for another day.
Another worrisome question for SCF was what has Free Willie done with all that extra skin that he no longer uses with all that weight loss. Where has it gone and what does he do with it. The concensus was that he had a special suit made with pockets around the inside were all those extra ectodermal layers can be tucked out of the way. About this time of the evening, anything SCF said would sound logical as most of us had a bunch of beers (courtesy of the ‘Best Brewmaster In The Whole World”) and why wouldn’t you trust a guy wearing cardboard shoes?
This is the time of the evening when all my notes are basically just squiggly lines and any memory of what really happened later is a bit of a blur. I think around this time we sang the Hash Hymn and boarded the bus for the ride back to Pattaya and this weeks beer bar TQ1
So for anyone who wanted to get mentioned in todays Hash Sheet and weren’t…..I apologize and for the rest who didn’t want to get mentioned and didn’t……your welcome.
Looking forward to seeing everybody again at next weeks run!!!!!!!!!!
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 60
40 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
3 Vasana Elmthongkam; 2 Yuphin Somsakul; 408 BALL RINGER; 10 BANANAS; 13 BEETROOT HEAD; 254 BELL END; 7 BIRD FLEW; 146 CABBAGE FLAPS; 144 CABBAGE KNIEVEL; 191 CRACK MY COCCYX; 171 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1215 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 105 FLYING FINN; 100 GANGREEN; 133 GREYHOUND; 26 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 1046 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 29 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 32 MENTAL DISORDER; 550 MRS. HEAD; 243 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 33 POCAHONTAS; 12 PUSSY WHIPPED; 189 REAR GUNNER; 131 ROBBING BASTARD; 37 RUNNING BARE; 157 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 147 SEAL SUCKER; 7 SECRET STAR; 12 SEXY BUM; 509 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 528 SIR MC; 693 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 176 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 227 SWEETIE; 342 TAMPAX; 122 THAT’S THE ONE; 28 VASELINE THIGHS; 626 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 123 WANK-KING’S WANKER
72 CABBAGE PRINCESS; 36 FINGERLESS; 25 LUMP; 48 NEXT WEEK; 150 PISSED POLE DANCER; 27 PISSED UP MERMAID; 40 PUGSLY; 60 RABBIT SHOOTER; 621 SIR DOG; 60 SMELLY BASTARD; 306 SMILING BROWN SPIDER; 401 TADPOLE; 85 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 183 TOM BOY
3 Visitors with their Total Runs Mother Hash
14 BULLTRACK — Korea Hash
2 I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
3 POL DANCER — Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
5 Anniversaries Run Event Credentials
MENSTRUAL DISORDER — Hared 05
MRS. HEAD — 550th Run
SMILING BROWN SPIDER — 300th Run T-Shirt
PISSED POLE DANCER — 150th Run
GANGREEN — 100th Run