Run 1526

 


—– RUN REPORT —–

How to Know if You Are a Transvestite

Betty Boop is an animated cartoon character created by Max Fleischer, She originallybetty boop appeared in the Talkartoon and Betty Boop film series, which were produced by Fleischer Studios and released by Paramount Pictures. She has also been featured in comic strips and mass merchandising. Despite having been toned down in the mid-1930s to appear more demure, she became one of the best-known and popular cartoon characters in the world. Transvestite: A person and especially a male who adopts the dress and often the behavior typical of the opposite sex especially for purposes of emotional or sexual gratification (for further reference look for: My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay and related topics)

Gangree in his 'stunning' red dress
Gangreen in his ‘stunning’ red dress

Those are the Webster Dictionary definations of what could have possibly occured on tonights Hash House Harriers run. It may have been called the “Betty Boop” run but as time goes on and the beer starts to wear off, I’m really starting to believe that it was the second option that was being played out before my eyes. I think your defination of what really happened tonight depends on what side of the dress you were on. I myself was wearing this stunning red, floor length dress that was a cross between a ‘Christian Dior Paris Original’ and some kinda pregnant lady dress you get from the Salvation Army ten years after it went out of fashion. Only problem I had was that I had to lift my dress up as I walked up stairs or entered some kind of motorized vehicle but was more concerned that I was showing a little too much ‘ankle’. I could be available for private viewings and if you ask nicely, you can wear the dress too!!!!….that is until Emporer Airhead asks for it back. When you ask a person to be a scribe 10 minutes after the circle has started, this is the kind of ‘filler’ to be expected. The fun began about 1 minute after the bus departed from our

Really Sadistic Bastard
Really Sadistic Bastard

usual starting point. Once the ‘Black Pearl’ got into second gear, our fellow hashers just couldn’t wait to rid themselves of that nasty menswear and put on their frocks, evening gowns, see through lingerie and whatever the heck Really Sadistic Bastard was wearing. He reminded me of those nasty ladies who sat beside the guillotine and yelled “off with their heads”!!!! while still knitting. the bus ride out to the A Site (a great location on Jomtien Beach) was full of jocularity and all round usual bullcrap until the mood got really serious with all the ‘girls’ wondering if they should wear lipstick, how much, what colour, etc. etc. well, that problem was resolved quickly as it was pointed out that there is only one tube of lipstick available to be shared……guys are very good at sharing with their friends…..heck, we’ve even shared ‘girlfriends’ in the past.

the a-site
the a-site

Well our Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert tour bus made it’s “Merry/Mary” way out to the aformentioned ‘A Site’. it’s always a pleasure to see some water as Emporer Airhead mentioned in the circle “most of the guys on the Hash don’t even know that Pattaya has a beach” and unless they are avoiding some Pattaya bargirl, never venture this far south of Walking Street. The rain never came but the cloudy conditions made for a very cool and enjoyable walk, run, stumble along Jomtien beach and surrounding area. I was never prouder to be a Hasher as when we marched through those Thai villages and seafood restaurants showing what real Hashing is all about (except for Sexy Bum who

Sexy Bum and her 'enormous manhood' !
Sexy Bum and her ‘enormous manhood’ !

was showing her massive ‘manhood’ for all to see and be intimidated by). I was promised a 2km ‘walkers walk’ by those lying hares but the bus slowed down to about 50km at that point and just sped off to the ‘runners run’. What the heck is a ‘runners run’ as I’ve never done one before….come to think about it, I’ve never done a 2km walkers or any other type of run before. only thing that kept me going was the thought of Uncle Purvys Truck Stop and Beer Emporium. After a few glasses of Uncle Pervys magic, rejunivating elixer, Wankings Wanker finally called the circle to order. It was like hearding kittens as people were scattered everywhere, private parties were going on, and us old guys were taking a long, long time to hobble towards the circle with Emporer Airhead mumbling in the background “I’ve got nothing!!!” help me everybody……and it was true, as the only writing I saw on his cardboard clipboard were the hares names and a whole lot of nothing…..geez, he coulda used a ‘Etch A Sketch’ and come up with the same thing. but our boy came to life

Sexy Susie's 'Mother of the Hash' award
Sexy Susie’s ‘Mother of the Hash’ award

when his old friend “Sexy Susie” (AKA Sir Chicken F**ker) finally returned to the Hash House to accept the rarely given piece of wood in appreciation of all the service given to the Hash House Harriers. exactly what those ‘services’ were are lost in the annals of time except our Sexy Susie did remember banging Yao Yao (before he was a ‘Sir) having some kind of carnal knowledge of Karamba (who wasn’t there to defend him/her self and can you blame him?) but her fondest memories (amongst too many to write down) were all the wonderful boys who would fondle her on the way home in the Hash bus…….those were the good old days but sadly, our Sexy Susie has aged (not well apparently) and her Hash nickname is now “Fossil” as she has aged so much. you don’t ask her age, you must carbon date her to find out her real age. Most of us could say that it was a new experience to wander around the countryside wearing

My Girlfriend Knows I'm Gay & Hulk
My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay & Hulk

a dress and finally feeling free and letting our feminine side be able to show through…..for some hashers it was like being in a feminine product commercial with that ‘fresh, clean feeling’….Hulk, Cheaper Than Meme, Pussy Whipped (of course), My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay, Heifer Dust, and all the others who know whom they are!!!!! but todays run wasn’t just about impressing all the Thai villagers and some stray Falang about how good we all looked in a dress……it was about winning our annual beauty contest!!!!! Once the hares were dealt with (and thanks to all those lovely ladies who once again made this run a ‘run to remember’) and of course it was judged by everybody there to be one of the best runs of the year…and I know many people appreciated your

the 'Betty Boop' hares Sexy Bum, Honey Bear, Mrs HEad, Crazy Pussy & Menstrual Disorder
the ‘Betty Boop’ hares Sexy Bum, Honey Bear, Mrs Head, Crazy Pussy & Menstrual Disorder

placing that seafood restaurant about 1/2 way through the run that just happened to sell cold beer too….where was I?…..Once the hares were dealt with the serious business of judging began. it wasn’t that difficult to cull the bottom feeders of the group (upon further reflection most of the losers (me included) reminded me of those Walmart shoppers pictures that are sent around in those annoying emails from your friends). and soon the field was whittled down to four very worthy and desperate contestants: Heffer Dust (looking lovely as usual), Really Sadistic Bastard (looking his usual scary self), My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay (who after a couple of provocative, coquettish moves made a few guys want to buy her a drink) and the ‘Pretty In Pink’ Hulk who a lot of hashers were kinda hoping would win. but it wasn’t meant to be as out of nowhere Sexy Susie reappeared who not only won over all of our hearts, but won our bitterly contested beauty pageant as well. it was the kind of tearful, emotional win that only happens once a year at the Betty Boop Run and also the Miss Tiffany annual pageant that i’ve only heard about. Next up was the women/men hashers judging. Menstrual Disorder with her punk look,

Mao See Tongue, Massive Manhood, Looking good look and the Punk look
Mao See Tongue, Massive Manhood, Looking good look and the Punk look

Crazy Pussy with her looking good look, Sugar Bear who had on the Mao See Tongue outfit and Sexy Bum with her massive manhood (as mentioned above) who could grab her crotch better than some guy in a Italian Movie. Now that crotch grabbing was pretty impressive (and a lttle bit scary) but in the end, as usual us girls couldn’t make up our mind and all the women/men won a prize. The three cute young girls who participated were too freaked out but this weird guy (Emporer

The kids competition winners
The kids competition winners

Airhead) in a moustache wearing a dress and were very happy to receive their ‘get off the ice cards’ and leave as quickly as possible. Now it’s time for some special mentions: Heifer Dust who’s first run was in 1994, The Hulk who has done 50 runs and of course to the world’s greatest brewmaster “Sir” Bottomless Pit who gives us a reason to go out to the hash runs every week. And a very special thank you to the lady hares who made a great run and V.V. for his tasty snacks. Sir Chicken Fu**er and his female counterpart Sexy Susie (who I think are the Hash equivalent of that old Julie Andrews movie Victor/Victoria) enters the circle and immediatly ices Sir Kidney Wiper for reducing his gin intake to 3 bottles per week. We on the Hash can accept almost anything but reducing your alcohol intake is something that just doesn’t feel right with the PH3. Not to worry General Kidney Wiper as you were soon joined by 3 other sinners on the ice. Tampax (for talking to himself), Lone Wolf (for buying a new big Harley Davidson but wears ladies underwear as they don’t sweat), and Cabbage Patch (because he hadn’t been on the ice yet). Cheaper Than Meme was only a memory on the ice as he was quickly placed in the bucket for complaing that Sir Chicken F**ker talks too fast and nobody (meaning Cheaper Than Meme) understands him. Cheaper Tham Meme was then given a very slow English lesson about the Linda Bar which apparently is supposed to be a Katoey bar in Walking Street. according to my notes, Heifer Dust was appointed to take Cheaper Than Meme to said bar and show him ‘the ropes’ as they say. If your going to ‘show him the ropes’, shouldn’t you start at the Castle Bar opposite the Buffalo Bar and then work your way up to a katoey bar? So all good things must come to an end and this perfect day was topped off by all the Hares

Honey Bear leads on the guitar as the hares sing their song
Honey Bear leads on the guitar as the hares sing their song

singing “Those Cotton Fields Back Home” with Sugar Bear on lead guitar and her all-girl orchestra. for all you people who could have come out for today’s Hash run but didn’t, you really missed a very memorable day. And for all you other Hashers who weren’t in Pattaya, I hope to see you next time. On On!! Gangreen Scribus Shittus argumentum ad ignorantiam

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—– STATS REPORT —–

Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.

Total Runners this week = 63

47 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week

15 Sirinan T.n. dee; 414 BALL RINGER; 16 BANANAS; 260 BELL END; 107 BENGT POTATO; 219 TIN TIN; 475 BOW WOW; 24 CHEAPER THAN MEME; 85 CRAZY PUSSY; 177 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1221 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 220 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 451 G.I. JOE; 106 GANGREEN; 610 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 38 HEIFER DUST; 75 HONEY BEAR; 118 HORSE; 50 HULK; 21 IM LAO; 146 LIBERACE; 286 LONE WOLF; 1049 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 512 MIDNIGHT STAR; 556 MRS. HEAD; 39 MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY; 13 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 218 PELER; 18 PUSSY WHIPPED; 115 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 18 SEXY BUM; 634 SIR ARSE HOPPER; 513 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 627 SIR DOG; 534 SIR MC; 530 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 699 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 64 SMELLY BASTARD; 310 SMILING BROWN SPIDER; 387 SNOOPY; 276 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 22 SUZY WONG; 233 SWEETIE; 348 TAMPAX; 483 UNCLE PERVY; 632 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 129 WANK-KING’S WANKER

10 Returnees

4 Siriporn Senarak; 36 APPLE CIDER; 94 APPLE SAUCE; 113 APPLE TREE; 41 CABBAGE PATCH; 880 KING YAO YAO; 33 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 36 MENTAL DISORDER; 62 RABBIT SHOOTER; 228 SCRUMPY

6 Visitors with their Total Runs and Mother Hash

3 FAIRY SNOW — North Hants Hash, UK
3 FUGGLES — North Hants Hash, UK
4 LADY BOY’S JISM RECEPTICLE — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
5 SHIT MY PANTS — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
4 SHOOTING STAR — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
6 SPLIT BEAVER Pattaya — Jungle Hash, Thailand

2 Leavers

CHEAPER THAN MEME
HEIFER DUST

1 Anniversaries

HULK — 050th Run


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