”’We are human. Most of us didn’t even choose to be attracted to young boys. We were born that way. We can’t help the way we are and if you all can’t understand that, well, then, I guess you’ll just have to put us away.’ But that’s enough talk about the Hamersley Hash House Harriers because we want to focus on our beloved PH3 run #1537 of this evening. The hares today were the always busy V.V. (where does he find the time to do all his Hash chores every week?), the always effervescent Crazy Pussy (who can always be found at our Hash Rags shop every week) and the always cuddly Horse who is the PH3 version of “Hello Kitty” kind, friendly and impossibly cute, He cheerfully offers benign advice which unfortunately can’t be repeated here on this scribe report. Walking from the Avenue Shopping Mall with our GM Wankings Wanker to the usual pick-up spot in front of the Family Mart on Soi. #2, we were amazed to see the whole area crowded with people and GM Wanker got all giggly like a little schoolgirl only to be disappointed as we crossed the street as ‘those people’ turned out to be about 40 Chinese tourists trying to do business with a small travel agency right in front of the key shop and had no interest in the Pattaya Hash House Harriers run. But that didn’t really matter as the usual Hash House suspects were lingering around waiting for the bus to arrive so we knew a good time would still be had.
An uneventful bus ride took us to the very scenic A Site beside a beautiful lake and the wonderful, pungent aroma of burning plastic (or rubber) was waiting to welcome us as we registered and got into our usual pre-run bullshit mode. Luckily after a while the burning smell dissipated and was probably replaced by all the stinky, malodorous bodies exuding a bouquet of jungle sweat and beer…….which brings me to today’s run. When the bus arrives at the A-Site, it’s always a pleasure to see everybody and their happy, smiling faces. It’s a very relaxed atmosphere where people have a leisurely chat and greet with all their fellow hashers. Then the tall, skinny guy had everybody form a circle when something called a ‘Hare'(s) talked about what they will find out there on a ‘run’. The people seemed to think all this was a good idea and eagerly headed off into the wastelands. About a hour or so later, the ‘pack’ slowly trickled back into the A-Site. Now everybody I talked to said they had a great time but most of them looked like they have ‘been ridden hard and put away wet’…….Is the desire for cold beer that overwhelming people? Speaking of beer………….”And Now A Word From Our Sponsor”………………….”This portion of the scribe report is being sponsored by “Bottomless Pit“!!!!!!!! “When You Think ‘World’s Greatest Brewmaster’…..remember Bottomless Pit!!!!! And now back to our program………
We pride ourselves on being a family hash. But what is it that we always seem to have a ‘bad dad’ episode on a regular basis. This weeks ‘Bad Dad Award’ (again) goes to Running Bare when his daughter Little White Dove asked him to buy her a sausage (and thanks V.V. for the great food again) he unashamedly told her that it’s all free today. Now we all know that there is no such word as ‘free’ in Thailand and todays BBQ was no exception…….but not to worry Running Bare, after this incident, we don’t think any less of you……did you eventually buy her something to eat?
Now speaking of ‘Bad Dads’ (and I was), we had another example of this dastardly deed with one of our usual miscreants who goes by the name of Necrophilia Nightrider. Every once in a while he will bring his girlfriend/niece/daughter out to the hash to show everybody that he’s not gay and does like girls. But what he does do is recycle a couple of hash shirts and a ‘one size fits all’ pair of running shoes among all of his ‘dates’ and makes them wear them……and come to think of it, I think he recycles the ladies too. A little hash business to take care of now. The PH3 30 year anniversary is next year and anyone who has a good idea can submit their T-shirt design….who knows, there just might be a cold beer or two for the winner. Also our Beer truck is going in for a paint job in the very near future. When the truck comes back, there will no longer be any putting of anything in or out or on top of said vehicle under severe punishment…….I’m sure the Germans have a 20 letter long word that will describe what will happen to any violators……That is All!!!!!
As Airhead is heading back to the U.S.A. for his annual vacation and Hellboy fled the scene very quickly and quietly, it was left to BB to welcome all of our returners (3) and a virgin (see above re Necrophilia Nightrider). Simone Ebola, Titty Titty and Bang Bang we all hope you had a great time with us lunatics this evening. BB did a great job being our good RA today after being asked with short notice. But there is a little known fact about our old friend BB……..“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”…..but he’s ours…..
Award Time with Crack My Coccyx receiving his 200 run T-shirt and Crazy Pussy receiving her well deserved 5 hared runs cap. Wankings Wanker again took over the circle to read us some rules from the “Hash Bible”. He seemed quite enthused about the whole thing but I wasn’t too sure about the rest of the crowd. But you must admire our GM as he just kept plowing away through this anesthetic portion of our circle……he really doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear”……in fact, he doesn’t know the meaning to a lot of words.
G.I.Joe took over the circle and in a custodial mood iced Seagull Shit, Wankings Wanker, Hulk for being too tall and intimidating Squeeze My Tube who barely comes up to some parts of their body. I didn’t think that would be a problem as Squeeze is always looking to hide in the shade and these guys create of lot of it. Space doesn’t permit me to tell about all the times our returning runner Simone Ebola spent cooling off on the ice tonight but one point of interest was that he and Miserable C**t knew each other a long time ago. But for obvious reasons, neither one wanted it to be public knowledge. It wasn’t until they felt the cold, sweet sting of the ice did the truth finally came out and Boystown was mentioned more than a few times.
And how many circles are closed with Mr. Ballringer sitting on or around the ice. If it’s not one thing it’s another but his more blatantly open, after run bathing sessions are starting to upset most of the crowd and stopped all the chickens from laying eggs. Something has to be done with this man!!!!! As it was getting late and almost time to close the circle, I’m sure we will have several more opportunities to help Ballringer “see the error of his ways” and repent or at least take a few more paces away from the crowd. Where does the time go during our Hash circles? All too quickly it was time to sing the Hash Hymn and head off back to Pattaya with a lot livelier bus ride than when we came out. So sadly our weekly Pattaya Mensa meeting came to a close for another week. Looking forward to next weeks run and the special V.V. & Horse BBQ……don’t miss it!!!!!!!! I’ll leave you with this thought: ”Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 50
41 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
2 Ananya Probram; 76 B. B.; 118 BABY WIPES; 424 BALL RINGER; 486 BOW WOW; 34 CAMEL HUMPER; 204 CRACK MY COCCYX; 96 CRAZY PUSSY; 32 DESERT SCORPION; 461 G.I. JOE; 117 GANGREEN; 86 HONEY BEAR; 129 HORSE; 58 HULK; 157 LIBERACE; 16 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 35 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 295 LONE WOLF; 40 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 47 MENTAL DISORDER; 523 MIDNIGHT STAR; 566 MRS. HEAD; 24 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDE; 42 POCAHONTAS; 46 RUNNING BARE; 198 SEAGULL SHIT; 645 SIR ARSE HOPPER; 538 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 524 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 638 SIR DOG; 545 SIR MC; 541 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 708 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 69 SMELLY BASTARD; 397 SNOOPY; 247 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 27 SUZY WONG; 243 SWEETIE; 140 TRY-A-FUCK; 642 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 140 WANK-KING’S WANKER
154 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 180 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 225 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 20 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 279 HELLBOY; 225 PELER; 76 SIMONE EBOLA; 285 SQUEEZE MY TUBE
CRAZY PUSSY — Hared 05
CRAZY PUSSY — Hared 05 Hat
CRACK MY COCCYX — 200th Run T-Shirt