Scribe Report by No More Cum
I arrived back on Friday and Monday couldn’t come too quickly for me to catch up with the familiar faces on the PH3. With the kudos of being GM comes the responsibility to get things right and make sure people have a good time and go home feeling happy.
Despite rumours of minor unrest at times, everything seems pretty much as I left it. The buses are there at the Buffalo Bar even before me and I am early; my trusty RA SCAR W/2TS is there raring to get back into the swing of things and WANK-KING’S WANKER assures me that the handing over will be a smooth one. At the A-site, I am glad to see old hands like SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, who were there back in 1998 when I first started hashing. VV, back from scary times in Belgium, is haring and we have a special run. What more could you ask for? I know the EMPEROR is about somewhere – I might not see him, but I can hear his unmistakable voice in the background. Even SIR FROG has honoured us with his presence. He is one of my favourite ex-GMs, doing the job for about 3 years and mastering not only the English language, but also getting the English humour off to a fine art.
It is the Oktoberfest Run and VV is joined by co-hares RUDI VOELLER and I CAN’T READ MY WRITING to present this year’s Bavarian extravaganza. We are promised special food from Europe and 3 kegs of a mysterious dark beer from the land of San Miguel, pulled by charming promo dolly birds. It just gets better. The place is decked out in traditional Bavarian blue/white bunting; the hares have ridiculous themed hats and Bavarian police headgear is waiting for the beer police.
The first circle sees WW in the bucket as a kind of thank you from me for taking care of our precious hash. Formalities are observed and virgins are welcomed before the hares set us off.
The run is typical VV, with varying types of terrain and plenty of water, just to remind me that I’ve missed some awfully rainy days recently. I come in just behind SCAR, RUNNING BARE and of course KARAMBA, who is combining extra hormones with the lifestyle of a farmer these days and is unstoppable. It’s been an interesting run, punctuated by a swarm of bees, RUNNING BARE mistaking an R for an FT and DEL BOY landing on his arse.
The hares are busy preparing the food and everything seems in order, yet, alas the eagerly-awaited beer is not here yet and the anxiety is starting to show on VV’s face. Eventually, with the arrival of the beer and birds, we are able to enjoy the sliced meat, cheeses, pickles, crackers and bread. The second circle is late, but who cares – the hashers seem content with what is on offer.
The notable part of SIR FREE WILLY’s Raffle is the keg of Warsteiner, which is won by Yves, STUPID KRAUT KUNT’s dubious virgin. This is much to the disgust of the EMPEROR, who understandably thinks it might find a better home with someone not returning to Europe so soon.
I make a point of icing my Mismanagement, who had so ably kept things going in my absence, with special mention being made of LIBERACE’s John Lennon tribute. VV tastes the bucket for failing to put his request for leave in writing. Germans are sat on ice, while the circle is made aware of the subtle variations in culture between say Berlin and Bavaria and the fact that since 1871 we are united. JACKAL and SIMONE EBOLA slide casually from ice to bucket on account of rumour-mongering and snitching respectively.
SCAR takes the circle and decides that I have been over-dong the selfies on Facebook and that my dress sense has deserted me. He also brings in Christina and Erik, virgin hashers from Bergen, on account of the former not wearing a hash shirt. Following the Hares Song, provided by a choir of Germans, he is joined by HONEY BEAR to polish off the final beers.
My thanks go out to everyone who came along, especially the Mismanagement and the hares, who put in so much work to make it a special day. Thanks also to the TQ, who provided yet more food to keep us going, along with tuition on painting bright colours onto naked flesh.
Don’t forget that next week is Halloween – so come and be scary. Obviously some of you will have to try harder than others.
On-On! No More Cum
Next week’s scribe is Scar w/2T’s.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 62
Hashers Present Last Week – 43
25 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 528 BALL RINGER; 20 BLUE SKY; 13 BOY NAMED SUE; 45 BURL IVES; 81 CAMEL HUMPER; 209 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 101 CROCODILE; 31 DEL BOY; 77 DESERT SCORPION; 1324 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 2 FLIMFLAM MAN; 220 GANGREEN; 711 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 32 GOLDEN RIVET; 8 I CAN’T READ MY WRITING; 161 JACKAL; 211 KEE MAH; 625 LADY FLIPPER; 269 LIBERACE; 62 LOST CAUSE; 41 MASTER CHEF; 677 MRS. HEAD; 117 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 301 PELER; 189 ROBBING BASTARD; 162 RUBBER DICK; 77 RUDI VOELLER; 114 RUNNING BARE; 12 SHIH TZU; 40 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 615 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 645 SIR FREE WILLY; 645 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 813 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 158 STEPTOE; 348 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 206 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 124 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 187 TURD BURGLAR; 138 TWO TIME; 744 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 251 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 16
22 BELL STAR; 7 FRODO; 142 HONEY BEAR; 308 KARAMBA; 99 KIDNEY STONE; 185 KILL BENNY; 81 LADY GAGA; 377 LONE WOLF; 26 LOVE BOAT; 85 MINELESS CUNT; 168 NO MORE CUM; 95 POCAHONTAS; 211 SCAR W/2TS; 81 SIMONE EBOLA; 655 SIR FROG; 385 TAMPAX
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 1
1 Yves Muller – Pattaya Full Moon H3, Thailand
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – x
VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR was congratulated for haring his 140th run.
RUDI VOELLER was congratulated for haring his 5th run.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~