Scribe Report by The Wizard
At a little after 16.00 hrs the two buses pulled up at the prescribed spot alongside Maprachan Lake and the occupants spilled out to join the already growing assembly for Run 1691. The A-Site was well chosen, good access, protection from the strong afternoon sun from the trees and less biting stinging insects than some previous sites.
The first circle was called to order at just about 16:25 and the first serious matter was the initial introduction of two virgins to the Hash; but there was more….. one of these two young ladies, namely Apple, was espied to be sporting new shoes! Her sponsor, VLAD THE IMPALER was called to the circle and being unable to account for his lack of responsibility in allowing this to happen was summarily ordered to down beer from one of Apple‘s shoes. After a torturously long time he emptied the shoe and the main business of the day could proceed. After a brief from the Hares the runners and walkers set off at a little after 16:30.
The course was well laid and posed several difficulties especially for the less observant who managed to miss several well placed turns; likewise several cunning checks had the field of runners scurrying around in all directions (other than those sensible enough to wait while others toiled looking for paper) until a distant call of On On would be heard and the group would once again come together and head in one direction. Overall the course was flat although one or two little gullies presented difficulties for the less nimble, those whose heritage descended from mountain goats ascended readily, many others requiring assistance from their peers.
The first runners back to the A-Site started arriving within an hour of departure and a steady stream followed, which could be observed along the final straight which followed the bank of the lake for well over 1 km.
As the returning runners and walkers cooled themselves off with drinks the welcome site of a table loaded with food, cooked sausages, cheeses, chorizo, bread and chilled wine appeared, courtesy of a departing member. The table was quickly enveloped by the hungry crowd and murmurs of delight and appreciation were heard across the A-Site.
At 18:30 the second circle was called by the GM and his first task was to call for MISS OLYMPIC, who was indeed the departing member responsible for providing the food previously mentioned. It was made clear that MISS OLYMPIC had only been with the Hash for 6 runs over a short period of time, and her generosity was recognised by all. In light of her imminent departure to Ireland, BURL IVES was called to give her a note and perfectly delivered a few lines of Ireland’s Call.
FREE WILLY took the circle and invited the Hares to the ice. NIGHT RIDER, MENTAL DISORDER and MENSTRUAL DISORDER took their seats to hear opinions on the run. Most were in agreement that it had been an excellent run, although there were solo shouts of ‘rubbish’ from dissenters or more likely mischievous individuals.
The Raffle ensued. The first winning number was claimed by the virgin, Apple and as she came forward to choose her prize applause was mixed with cries of ‘Fix’ which emanated from the same area of the circle as the shouts of rubbish only moments earlier. The remainder of the prizes were claimed, notable only for WANK-KING’S WANKER dropping a four pack of bottles from his grasp as trying to make good a quiet exit from the circle.
The GM once again took the circle and called upon MISS OLYMPIC who selected five random men to take positions on the ice. SPERM POLLUTER, EMPEROR AIRHEAD, ARSE-HOLEO, PISS POORER and a guest, MOONY took their seats simply to give our departing Hariette the power of the ice. it was noted that MOONY was slow to cover his backside after leaving the ice.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD came forward and took control of the circle. The Hares were again called forward and thanked for their efforts, LINEAR ACCELERATOR and NA HEE MAN followed and were acknowledged as returning travelers. MR POTATO HEAD and his wife were next to be called up, MR POTATO HEAD sat on the ice and his wife was invited to sit on his lap; she declined and took a seat alongside him on the ice… ‘at least the ice is hard’ was shouted from the darkness on the far side of the circle. A brief christening ceremony took place and Mrs PH is now recognised as LUCKY NUMBER.
Next up was VLAD THE IMPALER and his son, who, in order to protect his adolescent integrity we shall refer to as A, took to the ice. Trouble was brewing as A had declined to lower his shorts before sitting and this was brought to the attention of EA by a gathering of hariettes who howled their disapproval. A was invited to redeem himself and he did so, but in such a rapid series of movements that only the barest glimpse of flesh was viewed. More screams of disappointment. Styles of parenting were discussed with an emphasis on the benefits of bringing you son of relatively tender years to the den of iniquity that is Pattaya, as opposed to nurturing an interest in golf, fishing or even juggling chain saws, which may all be considered more responsible.
The virgins, Apple and Ning were officially recognised and were followed into the circle by GAS MAN and SPERM POLLUTER who were the subject of a story of a wedding reception that had been crashed and their attempts to dissuade the groom from committing his life in nuptuals. Probably too late if it was the wedding reception….
Once again MISS OLYMPIC was given the power of the ice by the GM and called upon her four best friends to take a seat in the bucket. There was a degree of reluctance to get bums wet, especially from TADPOLE and GAS MAN was called upon to ensure compliance.
Awards followed, delivered by WKW in his usual style; LADY FLIPPER for 40 Hared Runs and GI JOE for his 600th Run, both worthy of acknowledgment and congratulations.
The Hamersley Wankers were collectively called to the ice from where they enhanced their reputations with renditions of ribald songs and a reluctance to observe etiquette. More will follow!
VLAD THE IMPALER and A were once again called to the ice for a family photo. Apple joined VTI and upon questioning, young A foolishly stated that he didn’t want a girlfriend; the GM didn’t need a second invitation so immediately nominated a boyfriend instead. Step forward MOONY, a man’s man if ever there was one, to sit on A‘s lap for the photo. Lesson learned young man….. and too late to change your mind!
GAS MAN then took control of the circle and in appreciation of the comments offered previously by the GM about the Hamersley crowd called the GM to the bucket. He took his place but surreptitiously sidled onto the ice a moment or two later. He was presented with the weekly award of Wanker of the Week from Hamersley and encouraged to don the accompanying t-shirt , which had been soaked in the ice bucket. Somewhat reluctantly he complied to the sound of ‘you fat bastard…who ate all the pies’ being sung. A local pack of dogs howled at the moon in accompaniment.
Next up all the Aussies were invited to the ice to take a vote on the likelihood n a reconciliation between GAS MAN and GAS GUZZLER before the next Hash. This was mostly remarkable for the lack of ARSE-HOLEO in the circle…… to me he appeared to be more Australian than a Kangaroo throwing a boomerang at a Koala but cited his heritage as a £10 Pom and was excused. NA HEE MAN was called for beer abuse and took his punishment in true style….. a forlorn apology made no impression on the GM.
In lieu of the hares giving us a song BURL IVES took centre stage a delivered a witty number about dogs arseholes which was well received by all.
Business was drawing to a close and GI JOE was called to lead the singing of the Hash Hymn, accompanied in the circle by those who wouldn’t be with us next week. As usual the standard of singing around the circle varied, from those who had delusions of singing in some great public auditorium and those who more resembled Wayne Rooney with a mouth full of sweets pretending that he can remember a few of the words of his country’s National Anthem. The 3rd verse was sung in silence and with no movements either……the only tranquillity of the whole evening!!! Hopefully a full pictorial account was captured by the LONE WOLF who prowled within the circle all evening, snapping and flashing at every opportunity.
Passengers were hurriedly called upon to board the departing buses which made their way to Nicky’s Bar where further discussion of events was entertained over more beers and plentiful chicken casserole supplied by the bar. Thanks for that.
On-On! The Wizard
Next week’s scribe is Mr Potato Head
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 63
Hashers Present Last Week – 48
241 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 287 ARSE-HOLEO; 52 BIGGUS DICKUS; 16 BLACK DIAMOND; 19 BOB SNOT HERE; 78 BURL IVES; 41 CASPAR; 76 CRAPPER; 134 CROCODILE; 219 DOG LICKS ITS DICK; 1365 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 600 G.I. JOE; 35 GAS MAN; 733 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 64 GOLDEN RIVET; 47 HAWKEYE; 118 HULK; 120 KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR; 664 LADY FLIPPER; 309 LIBERACE; 402 LONE WOLF; 96 LOST CAUSE; 9 LUCKY NUMBER; 132 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 155 MENTAL DISORDER; 6 MISS OLYMPIC; 76 MISS USE ME; 19 MR POTATO HEAD; 714 MRS. HEAD; 154 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 10 NOK NIGH; 22 PHANTOM; 65 PISS POORER; 60 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 187 RUBBER DICK; 655 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 686 SIR FREE WILLY; 686 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 850 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 66 SPERM POLLUTER; 7 SQUEAK; 382 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 78 SUZY WONG; 487 TADPOLE; 25 TELLY TUBBY; 5 THE WIZARD; 20 UNSTABLE LOAD; 291 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 6
2 Alex Tucker; 123 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 89 MINELESS CUNT; 44 NA HEE MAN; 410 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 7 VIOS
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 7
1 Andy Leung – Hong Kong Hash, HK, China
1 NO NAME – Hong Kong Hash, HK, China
7 TIN-TIN – Hong Kong Hash, HK, China
14 BOB-A-GOB – Mefeking Hash
14 BLACK DRAGON – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 GASBAG – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
3 MOONIE – Sek Kong Hash, HK, China
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 2
Anniversaries – 2
LADY FLIPPER was awarded her Hared 40 Hat.
G.I. JOE was congratulated on completing his 600th Run.
Hash Name Events – 2
Chanaradee Tasan was given the New Hash Name LUCKY NUMBER.
Sunisa Guiney was given the New Hash Name MISS OLYMPIC.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~