Scribe Report by Gangreen
Well ladies and germs, another beautiful day to head off to the Pattaya countryside to do another Hash House Harriers run. It’s not very often we get to do a run ‘hared’ by VV and TWO TIME so all the Hashers were giddy with anticipation. I heard that there were approximately 92 runners for today which is damn good considering people are slowly starting to drift back to wherever home is for the summer mating season.
Arrived at the ‘A Site’ after a very, very quiet baht bus ride. It’s not too surprising to anyone who has Hashed for a while that Hashers are usually a bunch of dollards who only talk about their body ailments and how Thailand was long, long ago. It is not until after the consumption of 3 or 4 beers that their brains get stimulated and may start to develop any surprisingly intellectual keenness or awareness.
First circle called to order by our GM for the day MENTAL DISORDER. Not much to offer on the punishment front as there was only one “Virgin’ and one ‘New Shoes” to take care of….. so quickly it’s now the hares turn to explain to the few people who actually do listen to this what the run was about. And then everybody started running around….the runners off somewhere and the Beer Hunters running in the opposite direction to the nearest baht bus.
The Beer Hunters have had a tough go of it lately. Their fearless leader REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was back in Scotland taking a refresher course on how to insult people and was missing in action for 6 weeks. I think that for 3 of those weeks, there was no Beer Hunt at all. Now SPAGHETTI HEAD (who usually looks like he has just been taxidermied) tried his best to keep this group of octogenarians together but it was like watching a episode of “Zombies” seeing all those evolutionary throwbacks just wandering around aimlessly waiting for the first runner to arrive.
Couldn’t do the run myself as my ass was stuck to one of NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER‘s plastic chairs. But it turned out very well as AIRHEAD and I had a nice chat and FREE WILLY was also able to squeeze in another one of his prison stories. With each new prison comes a different story…..It’s like one of those old ‘cliff hanger’ serials where he just tells you enough to make you want to come back next week to know more.
And after getting permission from MENSTRUAL DISORDER, (Our one term GM) MENTAL DISORDER finally called the second circle together with the first order of business being to ice the hares……VV, TWO TIME, ZENERGY and LIPOVITAMIN. From all reports, it was a great run and I noticed that runners were still coming in long after the front runners had thankfully arrived. As usual, a very big thank you to all the hares for everything you did and of course another thanks to VV for his always welcome great BBQ sausages.
Most cities in the world have a place that isn’t talked about in polite circles or when you do go there make sure all the car doors are locked…. Well the Pattaya Hash House Harriers have such a place…. it’s called the “Monday Lottery” run which is owned/operated by our very own FREE (Sorry no refunds, no receipts) WILLY. Lots of liquor, cookies and probably a pair of panties or two were on offer today. Didn’t catch who the winners were but just noticed that the prizes were won by a bunch of bloody foreigners.
It was now EMPEROR AIRHEAD’s turn to take over the circle. To no surprise to anyone, the Hares are iced. Now AIRHEAD was using his “good cop” routine on the hares and soon had them confessing that it was really TWO TIME who did all the haring work today while VV was playing with his sausage or something like that. That poor girl thought that when she met a Falang, all her troubles would be over and not have to go back walking around working in farmer’s fields again…. Wrong!!!! And VV’s co-hare and poor brother ZENERGY still doesn’t speak any English while his lady friend doesn’t speak any Belgianese. AIRHEAD figured out the secret to their long relationship is that they never talk to one another. So it just goes to prove that if you want a successful partnership, you don’t have to know your ABC’s…..just your ATM’s.
Next up were NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and FERRY QUEEN (the last of Pattaya’s true Soi. 6 Swordsmen). I was going to write a little about what was being said about them but I started to feel all ‘icky’ and wanting to have a shower so we will move on to………….
Super Mom was brought in next by AIRHEAD. It was mostly to apologize for all the comments made to her daughters last week by our GM… luckily they all took it in great fun and surprisingly had a great time on the Hash. I guess being surrounded by a bunch of old men all with their pants down will be something to tell their classmates about when they return home. Sadly our GM MENTAL DISORDER was claiming inebriation as the cause of all that misunderstanding and he didn’t realize exactly what had happened until reading the police report later on listing all his indecent comments.
Our GM next iced SIR FREE WILLY. Usually around this time of year we have our annual St. George’s Day Run but this year’s was cancelled. While SIR FREE WILLY was explaining things to us, he was suddenly surrounded by a bunch of STUPID KRAUT KUNT, NOT SO STUPID KRAUT KUNT, KRAUT KRAUT KUNT and some other kind of KRAUT KUNT. I think being surrounded by all these KRAUT KUNTS panicked SIR FREE WILLY and his inner Jewishness come out as he remembered the German sense of humor when it came to his people (or maybe just him in particular). But luckily no harm came to our FREE WILLY and those Germans just kept yelling and strutting around showing off their “Besserwissere” which is their “German know-it-allness behavior”
Next up is our resident ‘Party Pooper’ named WANK-KING’S WANKER. Fortunately for the Hash we got his abbreviated version of our weekly awards with: UNSTABLE LOAD with 50 Runs….. ZENERGY with 5 Hared Runs and TOM BOY with 5 Hared Runs……Congratulations to those worthy people and the Hash for only having 10 minutes of WANK-KING’S WANKER.
By this time, the circle was starting to become restless and rowdy so it was SCAR W\2T’S turn to settle us all down. As we all know that SCAR is like the John Wayne sheriff who brings law and order to town. SCAR never has to scream or rant or rave and neither did he have to console, cajole or comfort, His reputation preceded him and a hush finally fell over the circle. Finally some common sense I thought as SCAR starts off showing us some wooden plaque he received with the usual Hash House ‘fuck ups’ on it……but now my notes say that the story went from said plaque ending with some story about a dildo and who knows what else as my writing is starting to get a little blurry. There must be a God if I didn’t have to endure what was being said in the circle any longer.
I think that NO MORE CUM then took over the circle but since nobody ever listened to him while he was our GM, why would we start now?
And finally it’s “Showtime”!!!!….the Hare Song. As usual, VV did his Marcel Marceau impersonation and did nothing so it was up to BURL IVES to do the deed. We were treated to a rendition of “I Don’t Want To Join The Army” a Hash House classic.
t was time to close the circle with the final down-downs which were given to two ex GM’s….. SCAR W\2T’S and NO MORE CUM who led us all to Swing Low Sweet Chariot. Those 2 gentlemen did an excellent job of leading the circle with this song….in fact I think all us Hashers who were still there agreed that they are better ex-GM’s than they were real GM’s. See you when you get back.
Luckily I was able to sit in the ‘Comedy Club’ baht bus on the trip back to Pattaya. It was probably one of the best baht bus rides I’ve had in a long while and even though nobody remembers who was there or what was said, an aura of jocularity permeated the air which allowed us to take our minds off the fact we all had to take a ‘piss’ and couldn’t wait for the bus trip to finish.
And remember: If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing
scribo ergo sum
Next week’s scribe is to be announced
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 92
Hashers Present Last Week – 56
3 Shawn Lidgard; 2 Ben Majan; 2 Chonticha Majan; 2 Wichuda Prakaykaeu; 2 Gloria Van Hove; 17 ARSE BANDIT; 33 ARSE VAN HOLE; 603 BALL RINGER; 385 BELL END; 123 BEN 10; 7 BOLLYWOOD; 108 BURL IVES; 28 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 106 CRAPPER; 89 DIRT LOONEY; 515 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1396 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 16 GADDAFI’S BRIDE; 10 GADDAFI’S HUSBAND; 97 GOLDEN RIVET; 9 JACK WOW; 5 KISSEY-KISSEY; 697 LADY FLIPPER; 12 LIPOVITAMIN; 129 LOST CAUSE; 156 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 183 MENTAL DISORDER; 2 MINNIE DISORDER; 7 MINOR DISORDER; 106 MISS USE ME; 61 MR CHEAP; 745 MRS. HEAD; 213 NO MORE CUM; 166 OBEWAN; 49 PHANTOM; 30 PINK DOLPHIN; 86 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 43 RAT VON KIEL; 258 SCAR W/2TS; 692 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 719 SIR FREE WILLY; 881 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 29 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 77 STREET CLEANER; 227 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 10 STUPID SOUR KRAUT; 41 THE WIZARD; 10 TIN-TIN; 30 TOSSA; 52 UNSTABLE LOAD; 368 VELCRO DICK; 811 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 329 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 8 WEASEL’S WILLY WARMER; 115 WEE MOANING WEASEL; 25 ZENERGY
Returners – 32
28 BELL STAR; 204 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 66 BIGGUS DICKUS; 26 BOB-A-GOB; 76 DEL BOY; 318 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 53 FERRY QUEEN; 630 G.I. JOE; 294 GANGREEN; 764 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 6 GERMAN KUNT KISSER; 11 GIGGLE TITS; 36 HARBOR WHORE; 61 HAWKEYE; 339 LIBERACE; 24 MAYO QUEEN; 96 MINELESS CUNT; 13 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 183 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 6 NOT SO STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 356 PELER; 68 POCKET SOCKET; 42 POL DANCER; 166 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 14 REAL OLD; 717 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 437 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 53 TELLY TUBBY; 222 TOM BOY; 214 TRY-A-FUCK; 211 TURD BURGLAR; 197 TWO TIME
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
14 AXEL GREASE – Cebu City H3, Philippines
1 Noi Sonsan – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 YANKY CRANK – Tampa Bay Hash, USA
ZENERGY having completed 25 PH3 Runs is now a full member.
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 7
NO MORE CUM
WEASEL’S WILLY WARMER
Anniversaries – 3
TOM BOY was awarded her 5th Hared Run Hat.
ZENERGY was awarded his 5th Hared Run Hat.
UNSTABLE LOAD was awarded his 50th Run Hat.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 1
Hash Crash – THE WIZARD – Took out a tapioca bush when he went down on the trail.
~ none this week ~