PH3 Run 1898 Scribe
Show Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
The Hashers gathered at the A Site behind the Shell gas station on highway 36, a nice area with ample space for parking. Today was the Halloween Run, and it was going to be a special day as the hares were VV, Two Time and Tampax.
Even though the A Site was a vast and predominantly dry area, it didn't stop 2 muppets from driving into the only wet muddy place and promptly getting bogged down, luckily Bum Boy has a 4x4 and escaped without too much trouble but not the same for Linear Accelerator. Several Hashers went across and braved the ankle deep mud to try and push him out, but most of the hashers thought "fuck him, dopey twat". Under the guidance of Lost Cause the attempt to free LA from his predicament was unsuccessful and he had to be dragged out by the baht bus.
The Hares and Linear Accelerator were busy setting up their guitars, amps and microphones and we knew we were in for a treat, well it is Halloween (trick or treat).
The GM called the first circle, Happy Survivor was eagerly awaiting the new shoes segment with one of her new shoes in her hand, the GM called Duchess Tadpole into the circle because she also had new shoes, but she had changed into an old pair, she claimed the new ones were for driving. The GM ordered her to "fetch" and she promptly came back with her brand new shiny wellies.
The hares were called in and gave us the chalk talk and off we went. Considering who the hares were we knew we would be in for a wet and challenging run, suffice to say, they didn't disappoint us.
Back at the A-Site the GM calls the 2nd circle and instantly puts Fleece Lifter on the ice for talking too much and he also gets the Hash Trash for losing his phone pouch.
Next up was the Hash Crash, GI Joe and Jackal were iced, GI Joe informed the GM that if nobody sees you fall then it doesn't count and said it was the pineapple that cut him.
Jackal has a fetish for falling and screaming out loudly, he informed the GM that he only screamed once and didn't fall, which was a lie because Sperm Polluter heard several screams and turned around to see him face down in the dirt.
At this stage the hares had organised some free snacks, there was a rush to the table but nobody is going to beat Phantom when it comes to food, especially free food.
The circle continues and the GM puts the hares on ice, it's time for the run opinion. Ballringer is asked what he thought of the run, he looks confused but that's normal, and with a mouthful of food says "err, what sorry, err, what was the question"?
Fleece Lifter said it was a good run, but he"s still trying to grasp the concept of hashing, picking up the check and shouting back-check, I guess he's colour blind as checks are red and back-checks blue. Bless him, he can run but he's really really dumb.
Anyway the hares did a great job and the run was considered to be a good one.
It's time for the raffle which is always an exciting time for the harriettes, and the winners are Lost Cause, Casper, Bengt Potato, Fleece Lifters G/F, Festering Fish Face and Velcro Dick (who won twice including a nice little bikini which should fit him nicely).
Emperor Airhead steps into the circle, now as it's Halloween some of the hashers have dressed up for the occasion. The men are judged first, Pussy Snatcher, VV, Lord Chicken Fucker, Mr Bean, Fleece Lifter. VV gets the biggest cheer and wins the prize.
OK now it's time for the harriettes; Telly Tubby, Ninja Princess, Lost Cause, Knickerless, Hoi Wan, Two Time, Miss Use Me and Cookie Monster. Ninja Princess gets the biggest cheer and wins the prize, hope she puts the bottle of vodka to good use. All the girls made an excellent effort, well done.
Emperor Airhead asks Lord Chicken Fucker to have a seat on the ice but he's nowhere to be found, Happy Survivor chirps up, "he's away fucking the chickens".
When LCF eventually sits on the ice, it turns out that somebody had been arrested for actually fucking chickens, turns out Happy Survivor was right after all.
The GM takes the circle and informs everyone it's time for the Hare's Song, Tampax and Linear Accelerator with their finely tuned equipment entertained the circle with their rendition of Monster Mash and Ghost Rider in the Sky which had all the fancy dressed up hashers dancing in the circle. Great effort from everyone, thank you.
Lady Squeeze My Tube, Duchess Tadpole and Hoi Wan were iced because they all had recent or upcoming birthdays, they were presented with the birthday cake and the infamous birthday song ensued.
DT and HW leave the circle and LSMT is left sitting alone, the GM rightly ices GI Joe (the husband) because at a recent gathering at Pussy Snatchers house GI Joe said him and LSMT do everything together.
The real reason LSMT is left on the ice was to receive a certificate of recognition from the PH3 for the hard work she does behind the scenes.
So it's time for the Wizards Wanker of the Week award, the GM ices Sperm Polluter, Mr Bean and Fleece Lifter. Apparently Sperm Polluter at the aforementioned gathering divulged his addiction to porn, the GM said it was man porn, "not true" said Spermy, "it's ladyboy porn".
Mr Bean was iced because on social media he recently informed the hashers he would be wearing a costume for Halloween, instead he turned up in a gay vest he bought in a bar in Boys Town and a Ladies Sarong. Fleece Lifter was a candidate because he turned up in a Wizards outfit, how very dare he, we all know there is only one Wizard, and the winner by a unanimous cheer is Fleece Lifter for trying to steal the GMs mantle.
French Kiss has achieved 100 runs and will be rewarded with her 100 run shirt, well done FK.
LCF takes the circle and immediately informs everyone he's the Bishop of Lamberth Palace in London (how does he make this shit up).
He ices Phantom, Seal Sucker, Parisian Titty and She's the Boss for not cheering for him in the fancy dress competition.
Knickerless is put on the ice, Ballringer is shouting "skin skin", I always knew he was a pervert.
Phantom comes back in to join Knickerless on the ice, and LCF talks about Phantom and his big Harley, saying that all these butch bikers wear knickers and suspenders under their leather gear.
The GM puts Flatulence on the ice because he was in a right drunken state last week, and he's drunk again this week, so he gets the Drunken Donkey award.
The night is coming to a close and it's time for the final down down (da da da da), Gangreen, Pikaninny, Don't Squeeze My Balls, Knickerless, Phantom and Sperm Polluter drink the final down downs and continue on for the Hash Hymn.
On-On! Sperm Polluter