So there I was boarding the baht bus in front of Buffalo Bar for yet another day of fun with Pattaya Hash House Harriers.
At the run start the hare (THE WIZARD) informed us to look for 11 pink ribbons with gold lining on trail as there would be special prizes at the finish for those lucky enough to find a ribbon. Rumor on trail was that if THE WIZARD has "special prizes" they would be probably be booby prizes so some were reluctant to take the ribbons.
Trail was 5 km for walkers and 9 km for *unners and the hares did such a good job of keeping the pack together with well placed and distanced back checks that when the walking trail split off from the *unning trail at about 4 km the front *unners and walkers were still very close to each other.
The pack found many pink ribbons (about 30) and many back checks (about 11) that kept every one guessing but always on track. At finish the front *unners found that most of them were about 2 km over the 9 km trail from the well placed checks and back checks on trail.
After some post *un beverages and much discussion about whether it was good to have a pink ribbon or not the GM MENTAL DISORDER assembled a circle and promptly gave the hares (THE WIZARD and BOB SNOT HERE) the honor of placing their a$$es on the ice for a well laid trail!!!
Next up FREE WILLY handed out Raffle prizes which included a large “one eyed snake” that surprisingly was one of the last prizes to go.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle and found the pack enjoyed the trail for the most part despite not enough tapioca on trail and certainly not enough 1 km back checks. With the hares on ice it was found BOB SNOT HERE was a virgin hare and also is hoping to some day get a name change, doesn’t he know that getting a name change at the hash is usually not something you dare to do.
The GM MENTAL DISORDER was put on the ice and asked to share his upcoming hash travel itinerary as it seems the local authorities have been watching the hash closely due to a few recent problems at customs for people wearing Hash House Harrier attire. After some detailed questioning it was determined MENTAL DISORDER is in fact planning to travel to a number of hash events and will not be bringing any unwanted attention to the hash by an customs agents.
MENTAL DISORDER invited all to join him on his hash tour starting in Singapore for a Father Hash event, then on to Myanmar for a number event, followed by the 80th anniversary of the Mother Hash in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, then up to Kyoto, Japan for the Japan Nash Hash weekend in October.
Next, three US Marines were put on the ice and it was found they weren’t in fact former Marines that turned into Marines wannabes currently working as contractors in Afghanistan, Okinawa, and Tokyo. MOHAMMED HUNGARIAN HOLE HUMPER was commended for his achievement of taking 30 Thailand Tae Kwon Do students to Korea for a competition and bringing back 20 gold medals bringing great honor to Thailand at the event.
Finally the virgins NO NAME RAY from Melbourne, Australia and NO NAME BOB from Charleston, South Carolina were put on ice where it was found NO NAME RAY was in fact a visitor and NO NAME BOB who was sent to the hash by his son who is a Taipei hasher and may or may not be a GM was bestowed the honor of being able to call Pattaya Hash House Harriers his Mother Hash.
Next WANK-KING'S WANKER took the circle and awarded the virgin hare BOB SNOT HERE his 50th Pattaya Hash House Harriers *un hat.
THE WIZARD took the circle asked NO NAME BOB the virgin why he was the only person in circle without hash attire after he in fact bought a hash shirt but just wasn’t wearing it. THE WIZARD offered NO NAME BOB a hash shirt to borrow but he decided to sit in the bucket instead then he was talked into changing his mind and took the shirt dipped in the bucket ice. He was informed that he had to give the shirt back which caused much confusion and prompted EMPEROR AIRHEAD to suggest he be named Turtle because he was instruction challenged...
Next the ribbon prizes started and it was found there was a wheel of fortune that could land you a prize, land a you a place on the ice, or get you a chance card: Ribbon #1 was held by VV and he spun to get a chance card and was challenged to sing an elvis on for 30 seconds, he chose to sit on the ice.
#2 DIRT LOONEY won a prize. #3 VELCRO DICK, prize. #4 #5 GOLDEN RIVET won a bottle. #6 HARD ON won a prize. #7 SPEEDO PETE’s prize was something saucy to wear. #10 Aussie virgin won bottle. #11 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK won a prize. #12 CHARGE CARD did 30 seconds of Irish dancing. #13 GI Joe had to soak his shirt in ice bucket. #14 SNAKE BITE got water poured over the head (head who said head, I'll take some of that). #15 GIGGLE TITS sat on the ice. #16 CHICKEN FUCKER. #17 LOST CAUSE’ prize was a lump sum of coins worth less than 1 baht. #18 RAT VON KIEL won a prize. MOHAMED HUNGARIAN HOLE HUMPER won the last prize which was an I ?? The Wizard T-shirt and the game was over.
SEAL SUCKER awarded Wanker of the Week award - gave 2 wax candle dildos to the virgin hasher's young daughter the week before.
GM circle - THE WIZARD was put on ice because he brought a girl and everyone is asking who she is... wife of five years 43 but has the body of a 9 year old - BURLY BASSEY is her name. Her name is Evie and he had to bring her because everyone thinks he is married to VV and he had to prove there really is an Evie. Happily married poll decided every hasher present is happily married and THE WIZARD promised he will have sex with VV if Evie is not around.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER took the circle and decided if VELCRO DICK grew taller he would look like WANK-KING'S WANKER.
Lone wolf is a snitch he mumbled something that was wrong... THE WIZARD's gf is wearing a dirt shirt not from THE WIZARD, she bought it on trail..
Virgin hare on the ice - wants to change his Leo thing for the phone for a blow up rubber sheep or Katoi. Fridge went bad, freezer was melting all night so it’s the hares' fault. Hapi coats look like Rule 6 violaters, and his name is SUCK IT. Dyed ginger hair. He did a song about gays. They could be gay rendition...
GI JOE spotted on Pattaya Klang struggling... he’s 70. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER pointed out when you are that old and you buy a fridge with a 10 year guarantee you can’t help to think that you might be dead when the warranty is up. Friggin in the Rigging was sung to BOB SNOT HERE.
Swing Low was done by all and off we were to the Tahitian Queen for out On After. It was was that in fact the hash on after at Tahitian Queen was memorable because the old Bar in Pattaya the Tahitian Queen is only days away from their 40th anniversary!!!
On On SLAP (Currently *unning trails with the many hashes in Tokyo Japan!!!)