Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1846 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Phantom


Roll up, roll up, welcome to the Greatest Show on Earth – bellowed the ringmaster, KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR, as the Aussies roll into Pattaya for their annual PH3 Aussie Extravaganza, in association with their many Thai friends.
The ringmaster's call attracted more than a few wry smiles when the memory of last year's rather underwhelming run is recalled. After 20 years of very successful Aussie/Thai runs, which have raised hundreds of thousands of baht for charity, perhaps last year was a small hiccup and we should share in the ringmaster's enthusiasm.

Arriving at the Aussie Site, there was no question who was in residence – bunting, Aussie flags everywhere to be seen, the party was just getting started.

LIBERACE and the new muscle, SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE, were in their usual roles. Just alongside of the sign-up was the lovely NO KNICKERS, providing support after the LIBERACE grilling, and passing out a free gift. To the left of the sign-up is a bricked rotunda. From a distance, you could see the Aussie's had set up a small shop, in that rotunda, where all sorts of Aussie memorabilia may be purchased. The display of the past 20 years of Aussie Run shirts was impressive. What you couldn't see, until it was too late - the shop was staffed by Aussie PNG mafia. Up selling and stand over was rampant, as the shop was quickly cleared of merchandise.

GM called the circle, it was great to see returners, some after many years – SIR FROG and SIR MC were just two. GM went through hash business, DIRT LOONEY reminded us of the great work he and the hash do for our charity, Kids Care.

GM called the hares into the circle for the run instructions. SLUG slowly entered the circle, dragging his bandaged leg while holding some props, with an arm he was unable to straighten. Hard to know what happened to SLUG, he said it was a misunderstanding on the trail, but he was clearly nervous standing in front of the other 13 hares. Run instructions were given and the runners directed to the first paper.

Runners were back safely from the run, all attendees had eaten, beverages were being consumed, and GM called the circle.

GM called ARSE-HOLEO, DIRT LOONEY, UNSTABLE LOAD and SLUG on the ice. ARSE-HOLEO, DIRT LOONEY and UNSTABLE LOAD were guilty of Hash Trash while SLUG was given Hash Crash – the other hares had informed GM that SLUG's injuries were a result of him falling on the trail while doing a recce – as SLUG silently mouthed 'HELP ME'.

GM called hares on the ice, and there were plenty – the ringmaster himself, the PISS POORER family, whose young son was in possession of a bugle like instrument – can't wait until he gets his drum set. There were many others but my attention was drawn to the beautiful Thai Hariettes.

GM turned to the raffle and like last week, he was unable to find my ticket. Congratulations to the winners.

GM gave the circle to SGT LONE WOLF. While PH3 support Kids Care the Aussies support Care for Kids, have done so for many years, using the funds from this event. SGT LONE WOLF acknowledged PH3 for allowing the Aussies to continue what might look like a conflicting activity, presenting PH3 with a Jesters Care for Kids Certificate of Appreciation. Just as I was wondering where that certificate might be displayed LIBERACE's arm reached across, and it was gone.

GM gave the circle to AIRHEAD. AIRHEAD proudly displayed the armful of goodies he had bought from the Aussie PNG mafia. While AIRHEAD admits he really only wanted to buy a condom he commended the service, and how helpful the guys were.

AIRHEAD called NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and his unnamed friend Gene on the ice. NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER claims the unnamed friend is of the best variety, but at the same time pushed hard for his new hash name to be 'DOG ON HEAT' – if you know NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER you would know that is perfectly normal behavior.

WANK-KING'S WANKER was given the circle and in his own unique style acknowledged the following with their award:
FRENCH KISS – 50 runs
PHANTOM – 150 runs
GOLDEN RIVET – 200 runs
MISS USE ME – 200 runs
SGT LONE WOLF – 20 hares
SCOOBY DOO – 5 Hared Runs T-shirt
BALL RINGER – 700 Runs Polo shirt
BEETROOT HEAD– 5 Hared Runs T-shirt

GM gave the circle to CAPTAIN KANGAROO to auction the silver coins. After unexpected, spirited bidding, DOG LICKS ITS DICK emerged victorious – many thanks to all bidders.

GM gave the circle to FIGJAM to conduct the Aussie Two-Up competition – using one coin. You could argue that should then be called One-Up – but we are not going there. The game started and involved the circle. After a few rounds, gamers were gradually eliminated, should their choice of head or tail not coincide with how the coin fell. Eventually, the winner emerged, GI JOE. GI JOE found it hard to conceal his excitement being awarded the prize – a kangaroo scrotum – bet he didn't have one of those. Apologies, but I am still investigating if the second prize were the gonads.

GM called the hares to sing a song – they almost pulled it off.

What a great night, GM called the usual miscreants into the circle to lead the Hash Hymn.

GM closed the circle.

The Aussies and our Thai Associates would like to thank all those who attended and helped make this a great event, once more – if you weren't there, then there is always next year.

On-On!  Phantom


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1845 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Seal Sucker


Belgian National Day Run #1845 or Bastille Day la Fete national run starts with a bit of a delay. The new nice A-site is a bit hard for the baht bus drivers to find and more importantly main money man LIBERACE gets completely lost as well.

VV, one of the seven hares explains run and walkers split which is pretty simple red checks, blue back checks. It ain't rocket science but believe me the idiots still get lost.

MAYO QUEEN leads us in the direction of the paper, SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD leads the Beer Hunters of in the same direction but his one track mind is only interested in three things - Cold Cheap BEER.

The trail is well papered but Hares, the Thing is the yellowish paper blended in with the brownish, dusty, sandy, dirt and at times with the sun setting it was tricky to see. But Fantastic job by the hares.

The FRB's caught up to the walkers and arrived at the beer truck approximately same time, and about 8km for runners.

GM THE WIZARD crowns UNSTABLE LOAD with Hash Crash hat. It's of the opinion that the many hares, one of which, VV. has over 150 hared runs laid a great trail.

Many happy hasher's reap the benefits of the well run raffle although I feel sorry for the person that won the half empty can of fly spray overly generous SHITHEAD donated.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD gives us a history lesson on the Belgian National Day it was back in 1830 they gained independence from The Netherlands.

Bastille Day was back in the French revolution King Louis XVI was guillotined back in 1794. The blood from all the beheadings was added to white wine, which is how French red wine became famous. During this history lesson SHITHEAD and ARSE-HOLEO are in the bucket for rudely interrupting the circle.

BaId guys are next they need to shrink their heads and do nose and ear comb overs to be sexy man. Hakan the deviant policeman is named PC PORN.

THE WIZARD ices the Kiwi's and then calls in all the Anzac's as he attempts to admit the Kiwi's are the rightful holders of Cricket World Cup because of several controversial calls by useless Umpires against the Kiwi Team. The so called mentioned umpires have been seen in their new condos on the Spanish Costa Brava, laughing all the way to the bank.

WANK-KING'S WANKER awards COW FISTER 50 Run shirt and WKW remains Wanker of the week again. ARSE-HOLEO buckets BIGGUS DICKUS for throwing rubbish on trail, he's Hash Trash.

The numerous hares on the ice with no song to slug and SH saves us from seeing their rings and sings.

On-On!  Seal Sucker


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1844 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Ging Gang Goolies


As “Uli of Berlin” I have on 3. Febr. 14 at the Run 1561 the first time participated in a run. As one of the few, I came without a sponsor. I have the Running and drinking information found on the internet. Now, for the first time, I made a "hare" two weeks ago, on run 1482 my 75th run, and now I'm the first secretary.

Grand Master THE WIZARD starts the Circle with the words: "we are late".

Yes run was somehow ... well. Usually I by myself walk the "Walker" path, so I do not lose too much time over the longer distance, otherwise there would be no danger of getting buns prepared by VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR. This time I am 8.3 km run, did not come last and could still enjoy a salmon sandwich.

There was a simple reason: no one found the Walker trail, because there was none. So every WALKER has to walk the longer RUNNERS TRAIL.

Well that was the reason to leave the Hares SEAL SUCKER and BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK on the ice for a long time. SEAL SUCKER has been a runner in the hash for 26 years and has made the "Hare" for 5 times. (so every five runner-years one “hare”), but I don’t think I’m too fast. He was also honored for this 5 hares, along with BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK, honored for ten "hares".

Back to this "miracle run". That did not exist yet, that the "hares" were asked, before the mob was questioned. ... .. and the one with 26 "hares" but actually experienced BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK tried to talk out. This then ended in the statement that the cows had eaten the paper and that the run was boycotted.

But GI JOE commented on it exactly as I feel: "It was the best run I did today." and I by myself have liked my 8.3 km, because there could not be many who could have eaten the VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR rolls.

Even the short downpour did not hurt and a big thank you to those Hashers who brought the runners' bags to the dry. My special Thanks to SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR.

DIGGA, a hashing guest, has the best down-down songs - that's what I did notice yesterday - and was allowed to release one.

At the competition, I then jokingly wrote down the winning numbers and sitting next to me and constantly talking, BANANAS has shown me by his comment that he fell for it.

Then came as always the "cardboard-cover with the notes". Held by our highly revered EMPEROR AIRHEAD. "Keep your Goolies covered, we have children," was his comment as he commanded the "hares" on the ice. EMPEROR AIRHEAD could not understand how the German BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK could make such an unqualified run.

He compared today's run to the "German Run" of 14 days ago, when BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK was there too. Yes, there he was (but really only). And there were also SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR, SAUSSAGE HEAD and GING GANG GOOLIES hares, in this very well organized German run.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD summed this up with the words: "The run with the many papers in the wrong places".

Then came the GM THE WIZARD, with the hint - singing is required.

But immediately invited EMPEROR AIRHEAD again to lead the Circle. EMPEROR AIRHEAD praised ANAL BREADFRUIT for his three daughters, including SNOW QUEEN. staying with us. She is eight and will be nine, repeated EMPEROR AIRHEAD with the words and I'm 66 and will be 67.

And then the gavel came, a woman who refused to wait for the police after a brief photo interview because she don’t like to wait,..........went home. SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE sat in a "grave TAXI", ................. but telling this Story here would take us too far. EMPEROR AIRHEAD only asked SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE to send this "run-away trick" to the missing MENTAL DISORDER. Then DIGGA released a great down-down song again.

WANK-KING'S WANKER honors TAMPAX and presents a folding chair for 500 runs and for working with the (Mis)-managment since 2003. DUCHESS TADPOLE was honored with a shirt for 600 runs.

The cooking spoon medal "Wanker of the Week" is to be passed on by WANK-KING'S WANKER. You can choose between 1. DIGGA, who can only laugh at the water in the bucket, 2.CLASSIC and 3.ARSE-HOLEO .. However, the people decide that WANKER should keep the Wanker.

In honor of the many pitiful down-down singers, however, BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK surprises with a perfect song. Should that be the beginning of a compensation attempt for this "miracle run".

BANANAS is still in my ears with his chatter, well he's sitting next to me. I can get up. We conclude this "Heavenly exultant to the death sad"-day with our anthem.

Everyone is allowed to take a "Beer for the road" and almost everyone goes to NICKY'S, she makes the best food, again this time, Thanks Debbie, many Thanks.

On-On!  Ging Gang Goolies


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