Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1813 Scribe

Scribe Report by Home Brew   (clickme)


Well, today's special event was an end of year's Awards ceremony conducted by (Acting) GM THE WIZARD for Under Achievers. There is certainly no shortage of candidates in any of the following categories but THE WIZARD had kindly produced short lists to ease the duration of the proceedings.......
1 "You wouldn't know they were here". Nominees - CRAPPER, SHE'S THE BOSS, PHANTOM. Winner - CRAPPER.
2 "Doesn't know what's going on". Nominees - CRAPPER, ARSE BANDIT, GING GANG GOOLIES, WANK-KING'S WANKER. Winner - WANK-KING'S WANKER.
3 "Incorrigible short cutters". Nominees GI JOE, TAMPAX. Winner - TAMPAX.
4 "Serial misbehavers in Circle". Nominees - BOB A GOB, SIMONE EBOLA), WANK-KING'S WANKER. Winner - BOB A GOB.
5 "Hasn't learnt a down down song". Winner - UNSTABLE LOAD.
6 "Biggest p---- head in Hash". Nominees - FLYING FINN, REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, DIRT LOONEY. Winner - REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD.
7 "Winner of winners"- BOB A GOB, who in an emotional ceremony, received his award from the previous incumbent LORD CHICKEN FUCKER.

Previously, in the Circle there were plenty of comments to the Hares, after being invited in by THE WIZARD, about both the A Site and the Trail. In a word, GRADIENTS, and severity of same with references to cessation of breathing, heart attacks and other minor ailments .... SPERM POLLUTER noted even the Beer Truck was parked up on a hill. The author experienced additionally a lengthy tapioca field section which stretched out the runners and meant x2 FRB's, one of whom was SPEEDO PETE, could not be overhauled on the On In. Look forward to next time guys!

EMPEROR AIRHEAD continued the GRADIENT theme observing that the Beer Truck above the Ice was unchocked, thereby threatening the iced Hares! However the Ice itself had been leveled, avoiding the alternative prospect of the Hares riding the Ice down the slope and into the helpless Circle members gathered below.....
Moving on, other themes of the day covered verbosity (FLYING FINN), raconteurs (GING GANG GOOLIES, REAL OLD, SHIT ON MY SHIRT, awards (BELL END, LOST CAUSE), visitors (SCREAMING SEMEN, SCREAMING FOR SEMEN), cricket (SPERM POLLUTER), soccer (NO MORE CUM) and, in a grand finale..... CENSORED (for some of the audience at least!)

See you next time- keep on hashing.

On-On!  Home Brew


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1812 Scribe

Scribe Report by Antique   (clickme)


The PH3 converge on a Mega A site large enough for a Inter Hash just off the Siam Country Club road. Luckily no strong sun as no shade.

The first circle was brought together with music being made by the Scottish Choir. This led the GM THE WIZARD in to a Music Quiz with GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD predictably in the Bucket.

I was surprised we had a run as VV was laid out on top of the Bus Saturday. But such a Hardy Veteran managed to get paper out. So the Hares who gave us clues as what to expect but no distances. The runners where away first with the walkers following.

Having followed on a Dusty Dirt Road we found what looked like a split and I waved goodbye to the runners. It was then on through a Cattle Ranch in the Trees with a anxious farmer looking on. Everybody walked, and with SPEEDO PETE missing there was no stampede. The walk then progressed at a steady pace back to the Beer Truck. I noticed that one of the virgins took a phone call from ARSE BANDIT to ask if she was OK. Not a problem I was looking after her.

Once the runners were back in, the VV Barbecue was in full swing and Beer and softies were been demolished. GM THE WIZARD called the second circle together and had problems keeping GING GANG GOOLIES under control as he had a bottle of Jagmeister offering tasters.

SIR FREE WILLY then took the circle for his magic Goodies Raffle which he gets off the back of a wagon weekly. I believe the lucky winners went something like this: POCKET SOCKET - Tigger without friends, RUNNING DEER - Belgium Chocs, LIBERACE - Wall Clock, SPEEDO PETE - Box Chocolates, TICKLE ME PINK - Wine, THE WIZARD - Vodka, TELLY TUBBY - Hash Rag selection, DUCHESS TADPOLE - Whiskey, RAMPANT RABBIT - Candy, LADY FLIPPER - got SIR FREE WILLY again, and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER - Some Box or other.

With WANK-KING'S WANKER supposedly hospitalized after LONE WOLF's Birthday Party it was SIR FREE WILEY who stepped in to do the awards. PINK DOLPHIN - 100 Runs, MENSTRUAL DISORDER - 200 Runs, and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD - 800 Runs.

Our Famous International RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes over going back to properly thank the ladies for under terrible conditions continued to smile on their Loy Krathong Run. It was hard to get them all in to the circle as DUCHESS TADPOLE was hosting a Gin Palace gathering! We had a visiting RA PUSSY DRIVER from the Bahrain Black Hash who wanted to take over the circle. AIRHEAD could reminisce of when he was also in the Desert. The PUSSY DRIVER failed to impress when he could not do a Beaver Down Down on ice. Instead it went down as Beer abuse and Wimp trick.

The ever popular MOHAMED THE SMILING NORWEGIAN had been asking for a name change which he was duly re-christened the SMILING NORWEGIAN.

AIRHEAD went back in to reminiscing with KARAMBA about when AIRHEAD was up for anything. I remember when he as a FRB and now he still is to the BEER HUNTERS abode. It was all good Fun with talk of Base Jumping, Car Crashes, Plane crashes and the Masons.

Not least we have the nasty Norwegian SCAR W/2TS. He did not have much time this week but managed to catch 2 Hashers busy on their phones instead of enjoying the circle. They were put on ice and all they could say to questioning was Ha Ha. Sorry I do not know there names so will call them Team HA HA. MONGOOSER was caught without a Hash Shirt and the squealer got them both in the Bucket.

LORD CHICKEN FUCKER came to the circle to give us a full oral and visible description on how he got lost with a virgin the previous week. Just like he was in the Jungle again he ran around like a Headless Chicken calling to be saved by the Big G up in the sky. Amazingly the Virgin MICHAEL came back to the Hash this week. Good on Ya.

That’s enough!

On-On!  Antique


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1811 Scribe

Scribe Report by General Kidney Wiper   (clickme)


"What the hell happened?" I woke up in my own bed. In my own room. The wife was snoring next to me. So why do I feel so apprehensive and that there is something seriously amiss? Okay, go to the kitchen. Make a coffee. Look outside and see the car is there. No obvious new dents or scrapes. My two dogs, Pluto and Snoopy, have not done a runner out the gate and look like they still love me. Okay, they are hungry and love anybody that feeds them. Still I have a nagging feeling that I fucked up.

Okay time to sit down and chill. This is when I see a scrap of paper on the table. Oh shit no!!! "You are hash scribe" is written in my best drunken scribble. Now I remember. I AM HASH SCRIBE!!!

Did you know that the World Health Organization listed the three top most stressful things that can happen to you are.

  1. Going through a divorce.
  2. Moving house.
  3. Being a Hash scribe.

I took no notes because of the rampant rain. So they would have just been a soggy mass. Mind you, I know from past experience, that the Hibernian hieroglyphics I have penned are usually undecipherable and that there is no Rosetta Stone to help me out. No, not that girl from the Bangkok harriettes. I diverse, so here goes.

The run had a great A-site. Albeit three hundred metres from the location given in the Hash web page Google Earth link. The hares were DUCHESS TADPOLE, LOST CAUSE, MISS USE ME, POCKET SOCKET, TELLY TUBBY, BELL END, HOI WAN and LADY FLIPPER.

The reason it is an all female hare line-up is because it is the Loy Krathong Run. This is the time of year to float a "Krathong", which is to get rid of the bad shit and hope for a better year ahead. Nothing to do with getting rid of the girls, but because it is great to see them dressed up in traditional Thai costumes.

The precise origin of Loy Krathong is unclear, but it is widely believed to have originated in the ancient Thai capital of Sukhothai during the 13th or 14th century. The festival may have Brahmin origins but has been given a typically unique Thai twist over the years. This might be crap, but who cares.

The girls briefed us on the trail markings and we were off, with slight thunder heard in the distance. I decided to walk, as the leg muscles are suffering a bit, and was amazed at the number of actual walkers. What I did notice about them is two things. They never follow paper or shout on on.

This became apparent as the majority wandered off after losing paper about two kilometres out. The only effort to stay on track was by ANTIQUE, CHERRY BLOSSOM, SAMBA LA BAMBA and myself. We found what we assumed was the split for the runners and walkers, but was just a jumble of coloured sticks. Plenty of quad and scramble bikers running around out there, so maybe they ran over them.

We followed paper, but then it branched right, but VIOS and another girl said they were on paper. So, foregoing "COMMON SENSE", we followed the girls, even though we did not see paper immediately in front, but much further ahead, which ran in two directions. I now know this was the runner's trail on in. Anyway, I was back in about an hour and had covered just under five kilometres.

Arriving at the A-site, the girls were preparing food and glamming themselves up in Thai traditional costumes. Just managed to change into dry clothes, when HARBOUR QUCKSTART came sprinting in, closely followed by SPEEDO PETE and BEETROOT HEAD. They had clocked about eight and a half kilometres.

At this juncture in time, the weather was definitely taking a turn for the worse. The sky had perceptively darkened and there was light drizzle. The girls then served up some food that they had sponsored themselves. Looking at everyone munching away, and not much talking, it must have been fine fare.

Just after this, when I was getting a beer from the truck, GI JOE inquired how my leg was doing, when LOST CAUSE, who obviously had misread the instructions on "how to dismantle a table", managed to collapse it against said leg that GI JOE was asking about. This is the same girl who has looked after my cut legs on previous runs. She did say "SOLLY" and I did reply, "IT WAS ALLIGHT".

Now about this time the weather took a real turn for the worse. What had been heavy rain, soon became a torrential downpour, and the circle was quickly called to order.

The GM MENTAL DISORDER brought the hares in and they sat on the ice, still smiling, with their beautiful traditional dresses on, in the pouring rain. It was deemed a good run, but seemingly there were still some runners missing. SIR FREE WILLY, was then called in to do the raffle, but he was also AWOL.

By now the rain was really pissing down and I think if it had been a normal run, most would have buggered off, but because it was a Loy Krathong run, with prizes, and a enormous effort by the hares, proceedings progressed.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD took over the circle and judged the best Loy Krathong. Many great eco designed efforts. There was a winner, obviously, but cannot remember. Time to light them and float them in the lake beside the A-site.

Earlier we had been informed that there would be segregation on the baht buses, for smokers and non smokers. Well I think all the smokers had gone already, as we had trouble finding someone with a lighter. Also with the ensuing wind blowing in the wrong direction, they took a bit of launching.

Anyway, that out the way, it was time for the best costume. As this was decided by the verbal volume of the cheering, so began a process of elimination. The decibel dilemma was, the same people cheered similarly, each time for different costumes, without any obvious winner, or discernible decibel difference. Finally I think this was won by CASPER and DUCHESS TADPOLE.

Somehow, LONE WOLF managed to take some photos of the proceedings. I tried, but all I managed was a blurred picture of my finger. I blame RSB, as he was my wingman and I had to get him to show me where the camera app was on my phone. Blind leading the blind comes to mind.

Somehow SIR FREE WILLY re-appeared and was able to conduct the raffle. All prizes went quickly, during the bucketing rain, except for the cuddly toy "Nemo Fish." The way the rain was now coming down, you could have expected it to float away.

Talking of cuddly toys, it was at that juncture in time when LORD CHICKEN FUCKER and BALL RINGER arrived back from the run. Not sure if they thought it was a good run or not. (Oh Yeah!) How they made it back in the dark, only they know.

Up until this moment in time I had been matching Sir Really Sadistic Bastard beer for beer, but now the amber nectar was taking its toll. I do remember WANK-KING'S WANKER congratulating BELL END for haring ten runs.

SPERM POLLUTER running the circle like a crazed drugged Dervish on speed, icing anything that moved, with bulging bare buttock flesh smothering the burdened blocks of ice.

THE WIZARD doing a stint. (I think) Running the circle, not on the ice. The Hares dancing around and singing to the Loy Krathong song. Hash Hymn and then we were off.

Of course another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one? There was a lot more that happened, I know, but have not got a clue. Sorry if I did not mention you. Happy Hour was at Nicky's Bar. I did not go, but I am sure that as usual they would have looked after us well.

I hope the other 86 runners had as good a time as I had today.
Another great Hash.

On-On!  General Kidney Wiper


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