Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1907 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Burl Ives


As this is the last Monday of our Annus Horribilus, (which her Majesty brought into popular use after she used it to describe 1992 - the year that the marriages of her two sons Charles and Andrew broke down and Windsor Castle caught fire), we are all full of hope for a better 2021.

Looking back on the year it might be useful for some who are new to hashing to understand the origins of hashing. Hash House Harrier roots extend back to the old English schoolboy game of “Hares and Hounds,” in which some players, called “hounds,” chase others, called “hares,” who have left a trail of paper scraps along their route across fields, hedges, streams, bogs, and hills. One of the earliest Hares and Hounds events on record was the “Crick Run” at Rugby School in Warwickshire, England, first held in 1837. (Thinks, did we not pass Rugby School last week?)

Back to the run, here’s the surprise of the year, a run set by mystery hares whose identity would be revealed through scrabble letters dotted along the trail. So, are we now Hash House Scrabblers, joining the likes of the ThaiVisa Editor “Rooster” who was a Scrabble World Champion some years ago? (BTW he writes a very amusing column, Sunday morning in TV called “That was the week that was”).

The A-site was by Spermy’s Lake, a scenic spot on the other side of the 331, easy to find along a reasonable dirt road. To keep the mystery going, Spermy (Sperm Polluter) acted as the run instructor detailing how long the run was: ca 8km, and walk was well short of 4km, with bags of Scrabble letters left under check signs.

So off we went, the walker’s trail for the first km was through trampled elephant grass, casava field boundaries then across a small stream, which I managed not to get all the way across with one shoe struck, it seemed permanently, in the soft mud. Shoe eventually retrieved without having to wade in the stream again, then on to a split and a leisurely walk back along a pleasant farmers track, 2.5km in total. The runners did not return for over 1.5h, with a bunch of shortcutters walking back in together. Between them they covered just over 8km, but were confused by the paper a few times. The walkers trail was perfectly marked so no complaints.

Time to play scrabble & discover the hares’ identity, didn’t take long to decipher Pussy Snatcher and Jellobut. Circle time and comments on the walk: “first ½ marking in 3D Technicolour, 2nd ½ 2D black & white”. On the run “not bad for a couple of retards”, “looks like a drunkards trail”. Liberace did his customary walk trail backwards, but found his own trail and got lost.

Waffle had the usual assortment of prizes and ecstatic screams. Ging Gang Gullie (GGG) was punished for loosing things on trail/A site. Awards went to No Trucking Idea: 100 runs and Paprika Smiley for 5 hares (it’s taken him over 20 years!)

SW2T's took the circle and struggled to find someone to punish, so picked on Seal Sucker for being an FRB/Short cutting or finding parallel trails so he could always come in first. GGG was attacked for not speaking to SW2T's in the TQ (is that relevant to today’s run?)

The GM took over for the highlight of the night the WOTY(Wanker of the Year) awards which were classified into 7 categories:
1. The hasher who is always at the front of the free food queue: Phantom
2. The hasher most likely to be found dead alone in his condo by neighbours complaining of the smell: Paprika Smiley
3. The hasher most likely to be killed by his partner: Golden Rivet
4. The hasher most likely to end up on the sex offender’s register: Sperm Polluter
5. The hasher most famous for Tourettes (profanity, swearing): Dirt Looney
6. The hasher most likely to be a COVID super spreader: Knickerless
7. The hasher most likely to die from a drink driving accident: Unstable Load
So from these 7 candidates the WOTY award was given, by popular demand, to KNICKERLESS
To round off the circle Pussy #3 had a birthday wish, Fuck Off was done for something and finally LCF proceeded to ice those who wanted to be iced?!
The Hares were then put on the spot to sign the hares’ song, but in response they performed the following rap:

Fuck Year 2020

Year 2020 was one fucked up time,
Pandemic with lockdown, curfew, and moonshine

Hashing was halted and beer bars went dead.
So the Mystery hares said stop all this dread

We’ll set a trail that no one can find,
But that doesn’t matter, we’ll just leave them behind,

Cause they won’t know who did this to them.
Well the hares are just pricks causing all this mayhem.

Year 2020 was one fucked up time
That unbroken check, that’s your problem not mine!

Keep going to the backcheck and we’ll get you lost
I’m drinking your beer and it’s at your cost!

Year 2020 was one fucked up time
The Chinese flu never made hashers whine.

That hare from Wisconsin and the one from Eugene
They spread the virus and now we Vaccine

Year 2021 will be better, you’ll see
Keep following paper, but don’t stop to pee

No worries no frets, the hares will bring beer
Fuck year 2020 and a happy new year

Well done hares: a good A-site, a good run, a great rap and another enjoyable evening in tropical SE Bangkok!

On On to 2021, Burl Ives.

Footnote: Bum Boy finally came in exhausted and safe at 20:30h after 11.4 km. Fortunately he had a torch, GPS and a phone with him. There’s a message in there for all of us!

On-On!  Burl Ives


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1905 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Burl Ives


The last Monday before Christmas, no it’s not, must be the Belgerians run.

Belgium, a country in Western Europe, known for medieval towns (such as Brugge & Gent), Renaissance architecture and as headquarters of the European Union and NATO. The country has 3 distinctive regions: Dutch-speaking Flanders to the north, French-speaking Wallonia to the south and a German-speaking community to the east. Talk about confused, they are so confused they’ve even got the German flag sideways! In the 80’s I used to fly around Europe visiting factories to help improve their process efficiency and I dreaded when they booked me on the national carrier Sabena (Such A Bad Experience Never Again). Needless to say, they went bust.

Belgium is famous for Beer, they rival their German neighbours in producing some of the best beers in the world, many originating from monasteries, hence names like Trappist. Fortunately one of their countrymen is brew master at Lao Brewery, hence the wonderful selection of beers we had last week courtesy of G.I.Joe

Sorry I’m babbling, back to the run. First things first, the run site, same as last week, how can you improve on perfection? The signs, no need to look for them as we knew where we were going. Parking: easy, “A” site surface: flat and free from trip me up bindweed and pot holes. So, what could possibly go wrong?

Ah, the hares? Yuup, it takes 6 Belgians to make a fuck up, starring VV (what no water?), Unstable Load (Reggie van FuckUp),  Arse van Hole (Mine’s a Burger), Mayo Queen (catch me if you can), Smoky Trucky Fucky (Don’t ride with me) and Street Cleaner (lost on trail again), so 2 Waloons and 4 Vlams.

60 runners turned out, (poor show due to rains at 1400h in downtown Pattaya,) with one long term returnee, Scar WTT (SWTT) completely Covid free after completing quarantine for 16 days (no that’s not a typo: day 1 is day zero and you have to spend 15 nights) in the paid prison hotel .

Back to the run: the explanation from the hares: hanging or tied long streaky paper, checks in red, backchecks in yellow, walkers go left then straight, walk 1 hour, run 1 hour. Very economical with info today, me thinks!

So off we went through many fields of Cassava (or tapioca as some call it). My Ugandan Asian mate says it is a delicacy in Uganda and he searches it out fresh here in the farmers markets. Most people don’t really enjoy walking round Casava fields, but in this area, there is not much choice. The split came and went and then we went through a coconut forest and the trail disappeared. I was bringing up the rear as usual and saw the walkers charging off a long way to the right then abruptly turning back, so I trotted off to the left, found a nice contour path around the mountain, but no paper. Eventually I came across a Red R & Blue W pointing in the direction from which I had just come, so went down the R path the wrong way, which was obviously from last week’s run. After a while trotting along a nice shaded forest trail I came across two yellow parallel sticks, then some paper, then later on 2 more parallel yellow sticks. Checking the GPS I spotted a trail home and completed 4km retracing last week’s walkers’ trail. Coming round a corner after an ”On In”, to be greeted by the sexy six all dressed up in Belgian flag coloured attire complete with skirts & blonde wigs. I informed them that I thought the walkers were lost on trail only to be told I had shortcutted and how could they be lost?? (Question to self: How can you short cut if there are no markings??). So after an hour and 10’ I was first back!

The runners came in and claimed the 7km mountain goat trail was tough, going up and down very steep dangerous hills, as did Lord Chicken Fucker (LCF), who lost the walker’s trail and ended up with the runners. (Well done mate). Just as everyone was imbibing their first can of amber nectar and the food the hares kindly provided, the rains came and put a damper on things.

Eventually the GM got the circle going with comments on the run ranging from camouflaged paper to grass coloured or no sticks, beautiful scenery from the top, great shiggy, everything different. Velcro Dick got so lost he did the runners mountain climb and looked a decided shade of red in the face.

The raffle followed with kind donations of wine from G I Joe, shirt and scarf from VV and the usual ecstatic screaming from the ladies as they nearly won a prize. Highlight of the night was that Knickerless did not win a prize so Phantom will have to buy the plonk this week!

Awards were presented by Sperm Polluter, rather efficiently, for a change, (since WKW spat the dummy over no smoking on the baht bus allegedly and didn’t turn up) as follows: Pussy Snatcher 100 runs, Spastic Whore King 50 runs, French Kiss 100 runs, Ging Gang Goolies (GGG) 100 runs (with his own design for the shirt), Sperm Polluter 200 runs, Phantom 200 runs (sign ups??), Telly Tubby 10 hares and finally Lost Cause 20 hares.

LCF got a plaque for completing 1200 runs, is he now “Lord of the Runs” & the GM welcomed SWTT back from Quarantine in BKK while Bel was in Q in Pattaya.

RA: SWTT (Sargeant Shutup), resplendent in new Hmong top hat and Rastafarian dreadlocks, then took the circle and punished everyone who was talking (question to self: isn’t the hash supposed to be a social thing where the RA lives off banter from the circle participants). Seemingly GGG was on the news in Norway for lining up for free food during the lockdown in Pattaya, (shame on you).

GM returned saying SWTT is such a bastard in the circle it makes him look good!

WOFW spoon went to Seal Sucker again for still not breaking any checks, despite them being camouflaged.

LCF took the circle and talked about his early runs and got the Belgian hares to do a dance since they were all dressed up like girls. He then explained why his 3 kids are taller than him as he made them stand in a bowl of water every night to encourage their shooting pains. Finally, he disclosed he had the police at his door after a hit and run accident, which he did not report, so ended up with a 500в fine

LCF sang the hares song “you can be gay” to the tune of Que Sera

And so it was, another great night in the Tropics.

Note for next MMM: The scribe needs a waterproof pen.

 

On-On!  Burl Ives


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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1904 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Mr Bean


Food and beverages: VV + Special bartender Sperm Polluter
63 Hashers. Somewhere in Huai Yai. Walkers' trail was less than 3Km. I measured an elevation gain of 75m.

See our data-rich website for details of attendees' names, etc. Our hard-working Webmasters keep us up to date with all the Hash data.

Hash Crash -- Olaf hit the ground abruptly because of all the vines on one part of the trail. He looked like he got in a fight. He'll have a good story to tell the ladies. "Where did you get that scar across the bridge of your nose?" Olaf was accused of walking around the downed Hasher. Olaf had extracted himself from the bramble quickly. I like the wild and natural trails much better than the easy roads and wide paths. I suspect a machete was involved -- kudos to the Hares for the extra effort.

Quotes:
"Where the shit goes the smell follows" -- philosophy!
"A small penis, well delivered." Maybe someone's been on the receiving end of it.
"Next week will be the same as this week only in reverse."

Run disgusting:
Seal Sucker said it had something to do with the Bangkok run.
"Easy Rambo"
"Very nice trail"
"Good trail", and another "Good trail".
"Good run, the boys painted the stick"
One of the Hares said, "I set the whole thing with Dirt Looney in mind."
"Lumberjack trail"
"We're going to Phuket"
"Wonderful run"
"Bucolic"

Many of us enjoyed the special alternate beers. The Hares generously donated a giant tub of imported Lao beer with different flavors (IPA, white, dark) and even some with high alcohol content (6.5% for the dark).

The raffle was held with extra donations from GI Joe

Wankings Wanker held the circle
10 20 40 Hares awarded
Professor Pinky had five Hares
Officially:

CASPER was congratulated for 10 Hared Runs with PH3
GI JOE was congratulated for 20 Hared Runs with PH3
LADY SQUEEZE MY TUBE was congratulated for 10 Hared Runs with PH3
PROFESSOR PINKY was awarded a T-Shirt for 5 Hared Runs with PH3


Blowinski was falsely accused by The Wizard of not wearing a Hash shirt, although he was really wearing a Hash shirt as underwear under his unofficial and perhaps misnomered "Blow Lewinsky" vanity shirt. He got to wear the special PH3 abuse shirt, to the cruel amusement of the circle.

Lord Chicken Fucker was turning 75 the next day. We weren't sure whether to buy cake and candles because they might not get used, on account of such an advanced age. Just like some of us never buy green bananas... The circle dug up one Hasher in attendance who is actually a little older -- impressive.

Mr. Fucker said something about footballers going on their knees, and why did they all turn transgender all of a sudden? The sports crowd all yelled "Booooobs!"
"I am because I am" -- more deep philosophy!
There was a discussion of leg-over versus leg-under
"Soi Bukau gynecology!" -- what was the context? Someone should look into that.
Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas lost their virginity, or a chair. In the words of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" song, released in 1983, "The chair is not my son."

The Hare song was "Me No Likee Blitish Soldier". Living in Pattaya, it's hard to imagine any scenario like that happening anywhere near here!

The Chariot was Swung Low.

On-after was at Nicky's Bar, who sponsored some curry goodness for us.

I hope everyone has enjoyed smoking on the baht buses. It has now been banned by the Committee. We will only be allowed to smoke diesel fumes, now. Such smoke continues to be included for free with your ride.

Also remember the semi-unwritten rule about no photography in the second circle. We have a Scribe to remember clearly, and with photographic accuracy, any and all scenarios that might need to be recreated and published for the world to imagine.

On-On!  Mr Bean


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