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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1805 Scribe

Scribe Report by Sauce for the Goose   (clickme)

The Baht bus sped along Soi Polo 1 and returner, FLYING FINN, cried out he knew where the A-site was and there was a bar conveniently opposite for him to imbibe with the Beer Hunters, but it was not to be and the songtaow sped on past the Polo Club and we turned onto a dirt track. The stalwarts were there setting up in a nice shady area with plenty of palm trees near the lake.

GM called the first circle and asked the one virgin to introduce herself - Dianne from New Zealand. The hares, SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC, PRINCESS BUM BOY and PINK DOLPHIN explained their trail and promised hills and water and said the Walkers split was marked with blue paper. We all set off and the trail was very well marked with shredded paper and hanging paper and the Walker/Runner split was indeed well marked with blue paper and the Walkers continued on over nice flat land with plenty of dead palm fronds to trip over. The walk was 3.3 km and very enjoyable and even the Virgin enjoyed it and it allayed her fears of having to swim through rivers, swing down ropes and climb up mountains with the possibility of injuring herself. The runners came in soon after the last walkers so the pack was kept together well with three backchecks.

At 6:30 PM the GM, THE WIZARD, called the circle and asked what people thought of the run. Everybody seemed very happy but DIRT LOONEY still had an issue with check sticks being painted on one side only. GI JOE reckoned he found all three backchecks but there were no rivers or mountains. I think hashers were all happy there weren’t any and it was a good run with well marked trail. Well done hares.

As usual, it was SIR FREE WILLY next with his Raffle and REAR GUNNER took the bubbly, RAT VON KIEL the vodka, LIBERACE and PINK DOLPHIN some munchies, SIMONE EBOLA and SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR something useful I’m sure. SAMBA LA BAMBA got lots of goodies from the Mekong Hash kindly donated by POCKET SOCKET and POCKET SOCKET won a big green Kermit which she gave to a happy BEN 10.

THE WIZARD took the circle again and came up with another funny story (how does he think up these stories every week) about his offer of a fight with SHITHEAD last week and said he used to be the second rated fighter in his weight class. Yeah? That’s because he came second in all his fights. 555

EMPEROR AIRHEAD’s turn this time and he must be in a generous mood as he thanks SIR FREE WILLY and LADY FLIPPER for all the work they do behind the scenes and how the Hash couldn’t operate without them. Why is he greasing up to SFW? But yes, thank you to SFW and his good wife for all they do and the flak SFW takes over the Raffle but someone has to do that job.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD puts the hares on the ice and asked who did the trail and who chose the site but they all worked together and gave us a good site, a good run and good weather. Well done again and thank you hares.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD then iced FERRY QUEEN and STUPID KRAUT KUNT and told them he can get any woman he wants and just has to snap his fingers or as someone called out, his wallet. It is a premonition of things to come for FERRY QUEEN. While he is much younger than most of us and can get special girls he is finding out even now that the girl will go with whoever is willing to pay the most despite age or good looks.

SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR was iced and his Hash Trash hat removed. Let’s hope he has learned his lesson. His wife of 40 years was put on the ice with him and given the hash name FRENCH KISS. They both have birthdays in October and two birthday cakes were brought out for them. It is also FERRY QUEEN’s birthday in October so he was iced too and STUPID KRAUT KUNT opened a bottle of bubbly for them.

THE WIZARD took over with an amusing piece about his wife Evey. Just as well she checks all these jokes before hand and doesn’t mind otherwise we might be thinking she was a Russian prostitute, his daughter, been on a missing persons list and a rubbish cook. Four poor hashers who know them both had to endure the ice for an extended time and had to decide if statements about his wife were true or false. CRAPPER, DIRT LOONEY, CANNONBALL and JACK WOW did their best. Thank you THE WIZARD for taking the time to work out some jokes often at your own expense. (and your wife’s)

WANK-KING’S WANKER took the circle for his usual awards ceremony but it went on so long and was so confused it’s hard to know what was what. Is this an act or is he always like this? LADY SQUEEZE MY TUBE was awarded a chair for 500 Runs, HARBOR WHORE a red cap for 5 hares, GI JOE another red cap for 700 runs and NA HEE MAN was on ice for 52 runs. Apparently he has been given his T-Shirt for 50 runs but it had not been acknowledged. We had to listen to an explanation once again of what his name means in Thai and why he will never have a Thai wife, something I think he is secretly grateful for.

MOHAMMED THE SMILING NORWEGIAN was in the bucket and kept his wooden spoon as Wanker of the Week as he was seen doing unmentionable things with it. TICKLE ME PINK, his girlfriend sat on the ice and GANGREEN sang her a funny song, “Will you swallow my cum?”

LORD CHICKEN FUCKER took the circle and didn’t really have anything to say till he looked around the circle and spied TICKLE ME PINK so iced her and was delighted when she showed skin. Hash Flash, SEAL SUCKER got all excited and swooped down for a photo but I think he was too late.

LCF then spied another lady, a Virgin, who had been promised she wouldn’t be put on ice but she was coaxed on despite her protestations and LCF tried to make it a more enjoyable experience for her by getting on the ice with her and trying to chat her up but I don’t know that a description of what ice does to your nether regions is really a turn on.

THE WIZARD put SEAL SUCKER and SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE on the ice, two Kiwis who volunteered for duties today.

The hares were on the ice for the Hares’ Song and LCF sang, “He’s a dedicated wearer of pink panties” to The Kinks tune. SAMBA LA BAMBA, THE COUNT, TRIGAMIST, BEN 10 and BALL RINGER led us all in the Hash Hymn. Another enjoyable night and thank you to everyone.

On-On!  Sauce for the Goose

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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1804 Scribe

Scribe Report by Barnacle Bollox   (clickme)

The morning after the run report. Tuesday 2nd October.

I hope this finds most of you feeling a touch delicate, and a little stiff, as I am this Tuesday morn. Don’t really know why I roped myself into writing this report, maybe because I feel that I don’t do too much for Hash, other than sing the odd rude song.

I have just finished washing my running shoes, loads of nasty black grit from all the shaggy, ponds, and overflowing streams we encountered. Well spotted, whoever it was saw the beautiful green tree snake. Hopefully LONE WOLF has it on camera.

The jungly part was terribly confusing, and I got the feeling that we ran over the same section of trail more than once. Possibly somebody had messed with the paper, other than the hares that is. I was feeling hopelessly lost until I came across DIRT LOONEY who seemed to know where he was, and a way out, and then we came across STEPTOE, who was wearing a knowing look, and pointed us back the way we had already come. Whatever, it did lead us out of the jungle, and the short elephant grass which had cunningly grown itself into face height, and then thrown itself across the almost concealed trail below, in order to trip us foolish people up.

HARBOUR WHORE took a couple of tumbles, once while trying to keep a guardian eye on his virgin, who must have wondered what the fuck was going on. Wonder if he will return? Another crash from the WHORE when he became tangled and stabbed by the spiky bush that drew blood from me, a moment earlier. He rolled around cursing for a few moments and so perhaps a good candidate for Hash Crash, next time round. All in all, it was a good exercise, and got the juices flowing, even though the trail was not the best.

Eventually the well dispersed pack stumbled in the A site to find cold beer and delicious food being dished out by the lovely trio of MISS USE ME (wonderful name that), LOST CAUSE and MASTER CHEF. Well done girls, Aroy Mak!! Endorsements from GING GANG GOOLIE, and REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD who polished off his plate as if his own missus never feeds him.

SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR was iced and received the Hash Trash hat for throwing away his umbrella, then demanding it back. EMPEROR AIRHEAD told us a story of how he had tried to feed his wife to a crocodile over in Cambodia. Maybe not as silly as he looks.

Hares were rightly iced, while NAH HEE MAN (another lovely name) said that the paper was about 80% correct, I thought he was being generous.

The one and only SIR FREE WILLY took charge of the Raffle, and complained at the addition of a free Cheese and Onion Pie, donated by myself, which nobody wanted. Be worth a small fortune in Suluwasi just now.

NINJA PRINCESS won a bottle of dodgy looking whisky for her old man. I was a bit miffed as I fancied that, but had to be content to win the worlds tiniest mobile phone. I have to find the worlds smallest SIM card now. Not sure if it’s real, at all, at all.

SQUEEZE MY TUBE was iced for achieving 500 runs and became LADY SMT. Her old man G.I JOE was called in and abused for working as Bus Master or something (rumour has it he has a friend in The Buffalo Bar.) and completing 700 runs. Now this bloke does actually run, and doesn’t just turn up for the beer, like most of you bastards. Even so it was agreed that he does need to get a life.

Both TURD BURGLAR and CANNONBALL were seated on the cool stuff for being birthday boys and received supposedly tit shaped cakes. All I could see was a cherry, looking a bit like a well chewed nipple.

Shortly after came into the circle a long thin coffin looking for a long thin corpse, while LORD CHICKEN FUCKER waffled on about the recent Ryder Cup Golf competition. He then had me sit on the Ice and we regaled the audience with a cautionary tale about drinking and driving, and my subsequent detention behind bars and the loss of my life savings to the police. Some of you may have noticed that I did not arrive by Motor bike this time, but sensibly rode the baht bus.

BURL IVES took over proceedings and bored everyone to death with a American V British style of quiz. Most of us made the comment that he would be better by singing, which he does do rather well. He did give us a rendition of "How the Money Rolls In", somewhat spoiled by the use of his mobile phone to remind him of the words. Was a time when he could remember words.

So another enjoyable night, and many thanks to all the Stalwarts who work so hard for the rest of us. Special mention should go to THE WIZARD, for putting up with all the raucous comments in a kindly way, and to VV and his lovely lady TWO TIME, and also to Tony TAMPAX for his lighting display.

Apologies to all the heroes and characters I haven’t mentioned, but I was a bit pissed by the end of the night and can hardly read my scribble. Cheers everyone and ON ON.

On-On!  Barnacle Bollox

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