Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1504 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Kee Mah

Well here we are again at Wat Khow Din (Temple of Sand Mountain), a well worn A Site normally used for special runs, this time our New Years Run. The hares have to be complimented because the route we took was unknown to everyone and turned into a very good run, lots of tapioca, pineapples, stampeding cattle, dogs, gullys and mudholes so deep people were losing their shoes. Two fit virgins and 5 or 6 of their young Norwegian friends took the Walkers route along with the aged, fat, and infirm hashers, but Oh well, I guess they were saving their stamina for the evening boom boom festivities at the Tahitian Queen Hash Bar. Bottomless Pit and Phoney Cunt won free drinks at some bar for finding secret paper on the trail left by the hares.

Attendees included The Pope (you didn't leave me your phone number) who hasn't been seen for years since he started building his mansion (welcome back) and Urangutech from Angeles Hash (even he doesn't know what his hash name means). Big Lungs and Knob Marley leaving to England after a month in paradise, we'll miss you guys, hurry back. Flying Finn, as usual, passing out drams of Chivas Regal to all takers till warned that the Thai police were setting up breathalyzer roadblocks in town. Lying Leavers VV and his brother Zenergy not iced for lying but made up for it later. Read on.

Only one of our 5 lovely Filipina hashers showed up, Menstrual Disorder, so us perves had only her to admire while running behind her for 8 Km. Turns out it's her 23rd birthday so she and Mental Disorder were iced and appropriately down downed. Odd Job wasn't there but sent his virgin Kettle (his real name), apparently Odd Job was washing dishes in some restaurant in Jomtien having a New Year's party. Kettle also won a raffle prize on his first try, I've been buying tickets from the raffle mafia for 5 years and have yet to win. Penicillin and Clit from Norway got roped into being Beer Police, good choices because I don't think either one of them drink. Lets make them permanent! Official HASH announcement, Ballringer and Bell End are preparing to reproduce a minihasher, congratulations to them, time to start thinking about a hash name?  

Emperor Airhead performed his usual entertaining Religious Advisor duties, thanking the hares for a good run, icing all and sundry, and was then rewarded with a down down for attending his 1200th run. Apparently he would rather have had a new motorcycle but in these tough times the PH3 can't even afford new pedals for the one he has. On On Emperor! Of course it's New Years in Thailand and every year the locals attempt to blow up themselves and everyone else with their fireworks which we civilized folk abstain from, avoid, disdain and generally look down on. Well apparently even the PH3 has it's party animals,

 Steptoe and Tampax, normally two very responsible hashers but apparently with a dark side who brought their own fireworks AND what's worse, their own matches. Luckily they could only afford children fireworks that just blow off your hand instead of the normal ones which leave craters in the ground and we and our vehicles all survived. Well after the Scotch on the Rocks run 3 weeks ago where we were evicted not once but twice from Army land by the Thai Army (less said about that the better), the hares came back the next day to collect 8 borrowed HHH signs, to find that, so they thought, 7 had been stolen by the Thai Army. At great expense, much discussion, great quantities of Scotch Whisky, General Kidney Wiper had his daughter make 7 new signs to return to the loaners, only to find out while on ice in the circle, that actually a hasher had removed the signs and Lo and Behold, there they were. The General, a wee bit perturbed at this news blew up louder and brighter than Steptoe and Tampax's fireworks, was given control of the circle and proceeded to interrogate all likely suspects, filling the ice and bucket with innocent victims wanting to know who the @#$% stole his #$%^ signs and when he finds out the #$%^ signs will be stuffed up that persons $%#@. Waterboarding was suggested but the General wouldn't stoop that low because it's an American thing. Remember the Lying Leavers VV and Zenergy? Unfortunately for them they ended up in the bucket for over ½ an hour and not speaking Scottish English, didn't have a clue why.

Yours Truly was iced and double down downed for suggesting that a fellow hasher might have actually been trying to help out the General and his fellow hare Really Sadistic Bastard by collecting the signs for them. Eventually, after numerous Chang beers, The General forgot why he was in the circle and faded away, to be replaced by the Hares song in Norwegian, sung lustily by Miserable Cunt and Scar and dozens of Norwegians, then the Hash Hymn and off to our songtails and on to the TQ for happy hour. We returned home tired but happy.

On-On!  Kee Mah

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   Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1503 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Skiing Finn

After having hastily but still orderly left A-Site turned out to become the bridgehead of the Thai Army’s landing operation last Monday, we headed for a Happy Hour in fully packed vehicles. I sat in the bath taxi besides the bony Wang-King’s Wanker who all of a sudden took the opportunity and squeezed out the promise from me to be this week’s scribe. What else I could have said except “yes sir”. So, here is my “virgin” product as a scribe. Please, try to get on with my Finglish.

We arrived at the scenic, green A-Site on two bath taxis. GM Scar with 2/Ts called the Circle, no virgins, no new shoes. We were altogether 68 hashers. X-mas Dinner on Sunday may have taken its toll and of course, some guys had family obligations. Hares were called to explain the guidelines of the run: no angry dogs, no barbed wire, pay respects for two monks on the way, don’t break the “bridge”, walkers’ trail three km and that of runners’ more than double.

The runners’ trail was nice and rather easy with lot of loops. There was one steep downhill. I wonder how our female runners negotiated it. Anyhow, they all were fine and fit on arrival at the A-Site. The FRB’s, e.g. Cabbage Head, Cabbage Knievel plus some others made the run in less than an hour. As to me one hour and 20 minutes for an old man’s slow, safe pace.

V. V. had again organized a tasty mini-buffet about which everyone enjoyed before the 2nd Circle was called in. Hares iced. GM wondered whose idea it was to have three hares. I missed the explanation or was there any? It was generally agreed that this was a good run almost totally in the nature. Lots of effective work by the Hares. Apparently they used plenty of time for laying the run because my brave countryman Flying Finn seemed sometimes to be at the brink of both Bottomless Pit run the Raffle, winners: Bell End, Liberace, Paprika Smiley, Flying Finn, Crack My Coccyx, Knob Marley and IM Lao.  

Then Santa Claus made a sudden appearance but to his disappointment there was only one child. The pretty young Swedish lady was also called in for X-mas presents. V.V. with his brother Zenergy was iced. When all the Belgians were iced, My Girlfriend knows I’m Gay joyfully joined them. Scar with 2 Ts made a performance with a white T-shirt about the Belgians surrendering in recent wars. Only one Leaver: Zenergy. Lying Leaver who was No More Cum was called into bucket. G.I. Joe and Skiing Finn iced obviously being color blinded due to some problems with red paper. Emperor Airhead iced both Knob Marley and his charming lady to whom he gave hash name Big Lungs. No regrets about that. As Flying Finn celebrated about his 70th birthday, Robbing Bastard presented his many-sided life-work all around the world incl. active hashing. Well done!!! E.T. iced also. Again I missed the reason. My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay was iced for lurid looking running shoes and smelly old socks. Isn’t there any shops in Pattaya selling socks? Hares entertained us by singing with their drunken voices the Hash Song. Good effort led by Robbing Bastard The enjoyable evening ended with Hash Hymn. After the more thirsty hashers headed for TQ for more beer and food. Many thanks to TQ!! Please, forgive me if I have forgotten some important details and made some mistakes about the events.

Merry Christmas to ALL HASHERS !!!!

On-On!  Skiing Finn

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