Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1564 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Beverley Hills Pink Cock


Riding to the A-site on the Baht Bus we nearly lost our hearing as the exhaust making horrible strange noises never heard before. Jaarmo, the returning FLYING FINN tried to fight the noise by opening a bottle of red wine and downing it numbing his ears. I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE seemed annoyed as well, snuggling to his newly found virgin MS KATE CUPCAKE and holding his ears. The rest of us just sit still and waiting to get off at the run-site which we finally arrived at, a well-known A-site at the back of Khao Mai Khiao country park.

After usual procedures of settling in, the GM SCAR WITH TWO T’S called the first circle to welcome everybody plus the new virgin KATE and sponsor I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE.

The hares explained about their run, which they laid only in the morning of the same day, the pack was sent off. Me, being usually a late starter running behind the pack and slowly catching up. The run had two early long back checks which kept the FRB’s from front running for a while until we reached a check where the pack got to a halt. I was checking in one direction but went back frustrated after about 200mtr with still no trail in sight. It was I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE who eventually convinced me that we have to go further to find paper and right, here you go, he found paper after another trail bend instantly. At the end of the run we got to a check at a small hill whereas I went around it followed by MRS HEAD, On-On was called from the other side uphill but MRS HEAD convinced me to continue around the hill and eventually after a little shortcut we met RUNNING BARE who was front running at the time on the other side of the hill. From there it was our good guessing to solve the last 2 checks in the direction of the A-site quickly. It was all in all a good run with nice checks and back checks which kept the pack reasonably together. Well done hares!

Returning to the A-site and recuperating quickly also thanks to FLYING FINN who served a few of us with crackers and cheese complimented with 2 bottles of red wine and his very special Salmiakkiii, a devils drink, god knows how I got home on my motorcycle and head ache the following “moaning”….. well, not to unusual after a good Hashing day …… I only wonder how FLYING FINN got home as he was unable to sit in the Baht bus on the way back after downing lots of his Salmiakkiii and wine himself …..

GM SCAR WITH TWO T’S called the second circle and ices the hares  and concluded that it was a good run. Then it was on to the Raffle Master SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT to conduct the raffle and invites the lucky winners for a drink of which are STUPID KRAUT CUNT, FALLEN MADONNA, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, SUZIE WONG, SIR WANDA, AXEL GREASE, BELL END, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and a few others.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD ices the hares and commended them for their experience and efforts, getting up at 6:30 am (quite unusual in this part of the world) and laying the trail at 8 am on the day of hashing. LIBERACE although, got lost by walking the trail backward at some time. All in all a good trail with short cut options plentiful and no casualties to report. Next on ice was virgin KATE and sponsor I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE and BALLRINGER on in with the show of the new baby, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER on ice for driving in a vehicle to find a bar, excusing that he was just recceing another run / A-site for his future haring. Might be an acceptable excuse ……..Next on ice were ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA for his poor engineering skills for designing a chicken factory upcountry, spilling 15,000 l of valuable chicken blood, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER for withholding EMPEROR AIRHEAD’s phone which he left in his car forcing him to buy a new one! LINEAR ACCELERATOR on ice because buying only 3 new tires instead of 4 for his car.

Joint GM WANK-KING’S WANKER disturbed by noisy GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and NO FUCKING IDEA who were placed on ice while he was doing his Monday statistics of 81 runners attended, 1 virgin, PH3 still going strong. He furthermore invites BALLRINGER (450 runs) and RASPUTIN (50 runs) for their awards and credit in for a drink. Then it was SCAR WITH TWO T’S and SPECIAL PRICE on the ice for their Birthday drinks, look like a nice Birthday Couple (Feb 22 +28th) aren’t they? HEIFER DUST was credited for his fiancés birthday which was nearly forgotten and STUPID KRAUT CUNT in the bucket for his welcome back (appropriate)!! Asked by ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA whether the correct German translation of Cunt might be Kant well that was an engineering failure! If I would try to translate that (all) it would sound something like Dumme Cabbage Fotze and I remembered once the moment he gave me his business card wearing a Nazi SS uniform ha ha, that’s our very own Kai, never sober, never unhappy!!

SCAR WITH TWO T’S ices medal winners at Sotchi, the beach resort turned Winter Olympics venue, No Russians, some Norwegians, some Canoooks, some Finns and some American Yankee’s for their medal winning performance. ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA, FALLEN MADONNA and WITCH DOCTOR on ice for not sweating and visiting hashers, MENTAL DISORDER for being Tasmaniaque and WANK-KING’S WANKER for being a Streetfighter….

MENTAL DISORDER takes charge and ices WITCH DOCTOR and DAUGHTER KRISTINA for a drinking competition of which the daddy is loosing in style but not unhappy. The question was, who likes breast milk but I didn’t understand why, Salmiakkiii falling through now ……. Later joint by FALLEN MADONNA for being married 23 or 24 years, they didn’t know themselves…. Followed by STUPID KRAUT CUNT and SCAR WITH TWO T’S on Ice for drinking adventures in the bar where MENSTRUAL DISORDER works as waitress and spy. STUPID KRAUT CUNT ordering the same drink 10x but getting charged only once… we don’t cheat fellow hashers. Next is I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE in the bucket for being a cheap charley not buying a new shirt for his gf. Then, the 3 remaining hares sit on ice together again for whatever reason….

Following SCAR WITH TWO T’S takes the circle again and names 2 virgins, BRAD PITT LOOK ALIKE (I STRANGLE MY PENIS) AND KRISTINA AS “IT WAS LIMP”.

BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK appoints next week’s scribe PAPRIKA SMILEY and ices SIR FREE “PRISON” WILLY, SUZIE WONG, PAPRIKA SMILEY and ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA only to find out later that he already passed his scribe duties on to somebody else  claiming “I no speak English vely wel” , what an excuse??

STEPTOE finishes off with a hares song to the bemusement of SUZIE WONG, although German did understand the meaning laughing herself off on the ice.

After the Hash Hymn it was off to the On On at the M-Club.

What an enjoyable day!

On-On!  Beverley Hills Pink Cock


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