And in the beginning was Hanuman... And Hanuman gathered his disciples around him and commanded them to go forth and spread his word and teach the people to "Get biggy with Mr. Shiggy"...
And the disciple known as Molly Kirgis did go forth and come to the wilderness then known as Pattaya... And the people did flock to hear the word of Hanuman and Molly's tribe became known as the PH3 and did prosper... And her tribe were baptized with ice cold water for indeed they were the chosen people.
And LORD CHICKEN FUCKER begat CHICKEN NUGGET and OBEWAN begat DARTH VADER and EMPEROR AIRHEAD and KARAMBA did begat anything in a G-String and number on their hallowed breast...
And many fell by the wayside and many were punished, ice being Hanuman's tool, but the PH3 continued to flourish and increase as the multitude obeyed Hanuman's commandments: "Thou shall follow paper.", "Thou shalt not commit Rule 6." and "The GM is always right.".... And Hanuman did look down upon his people... And Hanuman was pleased.
And it came to pass that disciples from around the world did flock to Pattaya to celebrate the Veteran's Run of 2017. Underneath the Mount Everest dwarfing hill christened many years ago "Spag Hill" the beer truck was already in a state of undress with SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD scampering around directing the traffic, when myself and my beloved samee arrived. SSH asked us to park "ass out" as opposed to my beloved samee's usual preference of "ass in."
With the incumbent GM away in the Antipodes, beating up kangaroos and asking passing wallabies if they had boom-boom last night, no doubt, and his erstwhile right hand "Joey" THE WIZARD, henpecking his taffy amigo, it was left to my beloved samee, SIR FREE WILLY to take the helm for the day's proceedings.
All qualifying attendant hashers have been given a free mug upon sign-up by way of thank-you for their support during the past year... My beloved samee gives his to LORD CHICKEN FUCKER as he agreed to come along special to be the star attraction of the circle.
Circle called and after welcoming the virgins and christening the new shoes (my darling DEL BOY's shoes, done the old style way with the beer poured straight into the shoe.... no problem for me, I would drink out his jock strap every day and drain the glass.!!!!). The GM breaks with recent tradition and demands and gets a one minute silence for the fallen hasher's of the last 33 years. Everyone is asked to remember one of their fallen brethren and the minutes silence, stretched to two minutes in the end, was very well respected. Let us have the same next year whoever is in charge.
Hares on in to explain the run and it is off out into the wild blue or maybe green as it were yonder, traipsed the motley. The walkers return after not too long an absence and with the FRB's not too far behind them the run would appear to be about right.
With over a hundred Hares and 2200 Runs between them I would expect nothing less. Circle called and as of every Monday for the last thirty-three and a half years has witnessed, it is hares on ice. Our intrepid quartet of SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD, WANK-KING'S WANKER, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and MRS HEAD seem to have done a good job.
SIR FREE WILLY, my beloved samee,explains that at 75 years young SSH has a year for every millimeter he is tall. At 63 NNR has a million dollars in the bank for each year of his age and WW has an I.Q. to equal his age. Two of those three statements are correct... Can you guess which one is the Hash lie?
Time for the Raffle and as variety is the spice, LOST CAUSE conducts calling of the numbers. Early problem was she was not reading the digits on the tickets correctly so the first three prizes called went unclaimed. No worries as my beloved samee hastens into the circle to point out her error and the rest of the draw passes humorously as is always the intention.
THE WIZARD wins the bottle of Black Cock (no comment there), his Taffy partner in crime, the bottle of Bell's Whiskey, ARSE VAN HOLE the wine, someone wins the huge purple bra and lace panties, DUCHESS TADPOLE the huge cuddly kangaroo complete with joey in its pouch, no offense WIZARD and someone else the shirt and the cooker. Granted half the circle was conducted in Thai but I understood it all completely so who cares about the dumb farangs?
As there is no EMPEROR AIRHEAD, LONE WOLF takes the circle to ice the hares as well as anyone who has been incarcerated. Recently returned Master of Music STEPTOE takes the reins to ice some cracks and sing that old favourite "I Want to Marry a Nymphomaniac"..... Your scribe did actually but that is another story.
Any hash should make using of Visiting Royalty and so it was that my beloved samee gave the circle to MASTER BAKER from the Bahrain Black Hash who promptly winds everyone up with his claims of "The Best Hash in the World" as well as icing the hares. SFW, my beloved samee then takes the circle to welcome some visitors, some well known, like HERRING CHOKER and some just very welcome ones such as MASTER BAKER.
Two virgins, a large guy from Canada who seemed a little uneasy and a nineteen year-old future tootsie from New Zealand who was taken over to fellow Kiwi, SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE to show her what she will look like in 50 years? Neither virgin could be bothered to show enough respect to purchase a Hash shirt so it is bucket and ice time for them respectively.
To prove that chalk and cheese mix my beloved samee's co-hare on another Hash, SPERM POLLUTER, takes the circle to ice the virgins and visitors. My beloved samee gets put in the bucket for no reason other than a cheap laugh.!!! How dare the man... SPERM POLLUTER, that is the last time you are going to take advantage of me when I am not looking!!! HAPPY SURVIVOR is iced for given slack to SP on the run and then the Kiwi virgin is iced along with her mother. ARSE-HOLEO licks the ice thankfully choosing the correct slab... You never know with him.!!!
As with the old time music hall the best is saved until last. My beloved samee has often spoke of the time this hasher reached his 1000 Runs and such was the consternation from a certain Sunday malcontent Hash he had to produce his shirt with juxtaposed letters to prevent further whining. There have been many pretenders... There have been many pretenders... But there is only one LORD CHICKEN FUCKER. Rolling back the years the madman from Millwall pulls out all the stops. As TADPOLE has given BEN 10 the huge kangaroo the first thing LCF does is take it off him and ices the father BALL RINGER resulting in a weepies child.
It proves the cruelty of man that the whole circle found this funny. Whther BEN 10 was crying for his kanagroo or his dad was never revealed. The Kiwi virgin takes the ice and drops her pants to reveal sexy underwear my beloved samee would crave for the Raffle... And ARSE-HOLEO licks the ice again.
A gaggle of further cracks are iced, complete with multitudinous sexual innuendo, including a couple from the Phuket Hash, who admitted to me they are on a reconnaissance mission to see how we do things here... Interesting to see what they will report back. So good to see so many cracks back in the circle today. Times were at least a third of the circle oozed estrogen but not so now... I wonder why they prefer to snack?
It is that time of the night when "We call on the hares to sing us a song". As they unusually do not have one, the hares are iced while LCF serenades them with a tribute to his old mate T-4,the song "Brown Card Ken".
Last down-downs consumed and the Hash Hymn duly strangled, then it is off to the T.Q. for happy hour. Seven RA's, multiple songs, notes and hashers in unison proclaiming an excellent circle for an excellent day. It can't last.... Can it,>, Mind you they said that about my marriage to my beloved samee thirty-three years ago.!!!
If I have forgotten anyone my apologies. Faces and fannies I never forget but names are for tombstones.
On-On! Lady Flipper