PH3 Run 1751 Scribe
Show Scribe Report by Biggus Dickus
Hares THE WIZARD, ARSE BANDIT and DIRT LOONEY took us down Soi Wat Yan Sanwararam, 8.8 km east of Sukhumvit, for Run 1751. Despite forecasts of rain and a darkening sky earlier in the day, the weather was perfect for hashing. The A-site was also perfect - clean, scenic, private - and with 91 runners and REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, a great turn out.
As GM MENTAL DISORDER is still Down Under transforming himself into a lean, mean, rooting machine (be prepared to be dazzled by the new MD when he returns to the helm next week) our GM for the day was GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER. GKW called the circle and immediately impressed me to be scribe. This was followed by welcoming the virgin runners. There were four this week: Niko Jurgan, Tony Lundli, Ranjuan Phethawat, and Louis Verbruggen.
The Hares were called into the circle to give us the preamble. We were told there were two trails: a 6.5K run, a 4.5K walk, the paper was all hanging, plus we were to keep our eyes out for balloons, which we should collect and return to the Hares in exchange for raffle tickets. Despite having the eyes of an eagle I never saw any damn balloons, but that was probably due to that FRB DEL BOY grabbing the lot.
So the pack took off tearing along the picturesque paths that meandered their way through the stupendous scenery. Before too long we arrived at a delightful little stream and here the cunning Hares had zig-zagged their paper trail, crossing banks and snaking through the dense undergrowth. In fact the dense undergrowth was a tad too F'n dense with vines the size of ropes running along the ground. Several times I caught a foot on those damn vines but luckily managed to regain my balance, until finally one proved too much and toppled my fat ass flat to the floor.
As I was in the walkers group all checks had been cracked by the time we reached them (probably by that FRB DEL BOY) but the checks seemed to be well placed and did a good job of keeping much of the pack consolidated.
Eventually we arrived to the split in the trail, where a red arrow marked R indicated that the runners should swing off to the right, whilst a red arrow marked W pointed straight ahead for the walkers. A kilometer further along this trail we spotted the roofs of parked cars and soon we happily rolled back to the A-site.
As the runners had yet to return it still wasn't Beer O'clock, so we helped ourselves to some water and delicious corn chips & spicy salsa. But the wait for beer was a short one because before too long that FRB DEL BOY came galloping across a field clutching a fist-full of balloons, and like Captain Drake flinging open a chest of plundered Spanish treasure, our jovial Brewmaster VV opened the beer boxes.
Once again mention must be made of the excellent A-site. No F'n cars or motorcycles or quad bikes driving through us, no stinking stench from nearby rubbish dumps, no stinking smoke from nearby burn-offs. Just tranquility and a gentle afternoon breeze as we sat around chewing the fat and enjoying our icy-cold beers.
But soon that tranquility was shattered forever as GKW mustered us into a circle. As usual the Hares were called in and iced. Opinions pertaining to the run were solicited and given. The consensus being that it was a great trail and a lovely A-site. Then the reins were handed over to that paragon of virtue, our esteemed raffle master SIR FREE WILLY.
SFW's weekly raffles are always lively events, and Run 1751 was no exception. Before too long the lucky winners were lined up to be photographed by Pattaya's answer to Henri Cartier-Bresson, our own LONE WOLF. This week's lucky winners were: SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE, GANGREEN, REAR GUNNER, SEAL SUCKER, VV, SOGGI, POCKET SOCKET, and CHICKEN DUNDEE.
Then it was time for our RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD, who of course iced the Hares and congratulated them on their great A-site. DIRT LOONEY must have necked a fair few beers by this time because he was making more noise than a Glasgow fishwife with her bloomers full of bull ants, so EAH put his noisy ass right in the bucket.
EAH then brought GANGREEN onto the icy throne along with all the other "Beaver Brothers" from Canada. One of whom being FREQUENT STREAKER who also departs us this week when he returns to Canada. Good luck mate, and we all look forward to seeing you again next visit to Pattaya.
There was one Hash naming this week, 5th time runner Hana Seslar, who is now known as HANNAH MONTANA. The aforementioned Virgins were once again welcomed, however, somewhere along the way we managed to lose one of them because only three virgins remained to enter the circle.
Then it was over to the Hares to hold their raffle. As I had also been necking beer it was time for a slash, so I dropped my notes on my seat and darted off into the bushes for piss that could have topped up the Hoover Dam. By the time I returned to my ringside seat the lottery winners were already lined up and receiving their prizes. These were: HAWKEYE, LADY FLIPPER, REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, CASPER, and EXCESS BAGGAGE. By this time it was getting very dark, DIRT LOONEY was louder than ever, my eyes of an eagle had become blurred by beer, so I'm not too clued up on who won what, other than HAWKEYE who came home with a nice bottle of fish sauce. Thanks Hares. Your raffle was fun and much appreciated by all.
JACKAL was called in and given the Hash crash helmet. SEAL SUCKER was awarded the Hash Trash - a dunny seat to adorn his neck. Then it was a Hashy Birthday for HANNAH MONTANA. And finally EAH brought in the Slovenians, who, EAH informs us, are cause for concern as they are rapidly outnumbering even the every increasing Belgians.
The circle was returned to GKW, who gave departing runner HELIX a beer, and then put GANGREEN in the bucket, before bringing REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD in to take over. RSB immediately iced GKW, LONE WOLF, BALL RINGER, and SFW. Then he sang us a song, a riotous hoot about granny swinging off grandpa's balls.
Next to take the circle was SPERM POLLUTER. Once again the beer I had been consuming needed to be released back into the wild, so I ducked off into the bushes for another slash. When I returned I saw a whole bunch of people being iced for what I don't know. Among this motley bunch I recognized DIRT LOONEY, CRAPPER, GOLDEN RIVET, and SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE.
Song-master STEPTOE then entertained us with a rollicking good fun song. STEPTOE was really firing and did an outrageous job as usual.
My notes indicate that at this stage we called on the Hares to sing us a song. But I have no memory at all of what followed, until GKW called me and a bunch of others into the circle for the final Down Down beers and to lead the pack through the Hash Hymn. Then it was time to grab one more beer for the road and pile back into the songteaws for the ride back to Pattaya.
ON ON was at Nicky's Bar in Soi Boocow. But I'd had more than my fair share of the jolly lager beer, so with HAWKEYE clutching her bottle of namplah, we headed home.
On-On! Biggus Dickus