Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1766 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Mats Hoegblum


The runner's trail was a bit over 6 km (without checks) and the height difference some 80 meters (mainly uphill).

After some while, the GM managed to get the frisky circle to calm down and start behaving, as it becomes the attenders of Pattaya Hash House Harriers, and welcomed everyone to the circle of Pattaya H3 Run #1766 with appreciative cheers from the runners!

The first action by the GM was to place the wife of BOB-A-GOB in the bucket, as she was a litter-bug! BOB-A-GOB got iced for not informing her of that when in Thailand, don’t litter! In order to help her to remember that you may not throw garbage, she was awarded with the beautiful local interpretation of the typical Australian Swagman hat and is forced to wear it, until the circle decides otherwise.

Thereafter RAT VON KIEL was put on the ice, because he had his wrist “rectified” when falling off a motorbike. That was when coming from the New Year’s Day Run, so it was in connection with the Hash, and therefore a major Hash-crash! To prevent further serious bodily injury, RAT VON KIEL had to wear the “Hash Crash Helmet” for the remainder of the circle. While he was there, he was also put in the bucket for being 40 minutes late when the Hashers were going home from Cambodia, RAT VON KIEL had not understood that in case you use your mobile as alarm, you occasionally have to recharge the battery!

After that GM got down to the vitals, and the hares were told that, as the run was completed (and almost everyone had returned), they could now relax and cool down a bit, for instance by taking a seat on the ice…

The GM asked the circle what they thought of the run and the crowd voiced much appreciation:

  • The runners had their fair share of running
  • Those who like mountain climbing got their share
  • No crossing through pineapple fields was appreciated
  • Some trails and newly sifted fields offered a great possibility to get your shoes full of sand!

Then the GM invited KARAMBA (no ice!) to credit him for bringing his daughter to the run, not just to run, but also explain how farming is done: “Look, here they used fertilizer.”, “This is irrigation.”, “This is tapioca.”, “Here they grow pineapple”, etc., etc. A very good example of how to get children interested of the nature and more Hashers are invited to follow KARAMBA’s example!

The hares were dismissed from the ice and SIR FREE WILLY was invited to do the Raffle. This Monday the Raffle consisted of 10 nice prices, several of them highly sought after! Not wishing to be tedious (and perhaps for lottery tax reasons), I will not mention who won the prizes: the quickly apprehended bottle of whiskey; the very nice toast oven; a large bottle of wine; a large box of cookies; a large box of Ferrera Rocher Hazel Nut confectionery; 4 bottles of cider; a beautiful reading lamp (same winner for those two!); a pair of Aussie HHH shorts; some violent toy guns; and last, but not least, not less than THREE pairs of ladies unmentionables, each just slightly larger than a post-mark!

When the Raffle was completed, the circle was handed over to EMPEROR AIRHEAD, who immediately iced the hares, not for the run, but for their “colourful, less traditional frocks, that almost had a religious charisma”!

Next EMPEROR AIRHEAD pointed out, that PH3 is extremely fortunate to have such a dedicated member as VV and his beautiful wife TWO TIME! Not only do they run the beer truck, buy all the beer, soft-drinks, water and ice, arrange BBQ, fix food, get the truck repaired when necessary, but also does the haring! It was not entirely clear how many runs VV has hared, but it is more than 160 and that is more than twice as many as anyone else! TWO TIME and VV are true Hashers and were given a loud and honest cheer by the circle!

When the hares had left the ice, EMPEROR AIRHEAD invited FREE WILLY to have a seat, and also TURD BURGLAR. After some small talk, FREE WILLY’S LOVE CHILD – who got his name last Monday as you all remember – was also ushered forward and offered a cold seat. The primary reason for them being offered those elevated seats, were that they were from the same town: FREE WILLY’S LOVE CHILD from the county of Essex while FREE WILLY and TURD BURGLAR are from the city of London, founded as the capital of the Roman province of Britannia, AD 100.

After some digression into religious matters, it became clear that FREE WILLY (who went on vacation last week) was not all together pleased with the name FREE WILLY’S LOVE CHILD, so despite that the carrier of said name had no objections, EMPEROR AIRHEAD decided that FREE WILLY’S LOVE CHILD ought to be renamed and his new name is hereafter FREE WILLY’S PORK CHOP (or just “PORK CHOP”)!

Due to a small misunderstanding, those who were virgins last week, were not properly initiated at that time, so they were called forward today by EMPEROR AIRHEAD. In total it was eight persons coming forward, but three of them were virgins this week and one was a guide, so obviously not all of them paid full attention to what EMPEROR AIRHEAD said, but they got their down-downs and were thoroughly welcomed to Pattaya H3!

After this initiation, EMPEROR AIRHEAD handed the circle back to GM who joyfully iced ARSE-HOLEO and DIRT LOONEY. It had been brought to the GM’s attention that ARSE-HOLEO and DIRT LOONEY had been seen singing karaoke together, so in order to prove their skills – or innocence – they were transferred to the bucket and were not allowed to get out until they could sing the same song, and that took a while…

All of a sudden, GOLDEN DILDO was iced. He had brought a Canadian friend last week who needed a proper Hash Name. We all know that the Maple Leaf is the national symbol of Canada, but also the North American beaver (Castor canadensis). Consequently, our new member got the Hash-name “ANGRY BEAVER”.

Moving onwards RAT VON KIEL, WHORE IN THE WINDOW and ARSE VAN HOLE were iced. Despite being Belgian, they have regretfully – in GM’s eyes – on some occasions not been fully verbal in English, so in order to convert the circle to a bit of an evening school and give further education to some of our members, GM invited PENELOPE PITSTOP to assist him in the teaching, demonstrating where the “elbow”, “head” and “bum” are situated.

All of a sudden GANGREEN intervened into the circle and suggested “prostate”. When called by the GM to himself demonstrate where it is located, GANGREEN refused – shame on you!

When the circle was handed over to WANK-KING'S WANKER, NA-HE-MAN was called forward as he had done 50 Runs with the Pattaya Hash House Harriers – GOOD WORK NA-HE-MAN! NA-HE-MAN to speak to FREE WILLY in order to get a personally designed memorial shirt. NA-HE-MAN showed his gratitude by putting FREE WILLY on the ice! Then NA-HE-MAN sang an especially composed song in the honor of FREE WILLY and it was highly appreciated by the circle!

WANK-KING'S WANKER gave back the circle to the GM, who called the nine Canadians who were congratulated for finally winning something (male Junior World Championship in Ice Hockey). As Ice was involved, the Canadians were asked to take seats on or in the ice. As Canada beat Sweden in the finals, any present Swedes were also asked to join in on the ice (scribe excused), so LOVE BOAT had a chilly seat.

Our GM then invited SCAR W/2T’S to lead the circle, and he called ROCKY BALBLOWME to the bucket and WANK-KING'S WANKER to the ice for talking in the circle. After that GM on the ice, BOB-A-GOB in the bucket and also MENSTRUAL DISORDER, all for talking. The GM was a little bit out of himself at last run, walking around with his Coca-Cola.

LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was called, entering with a nice pair of string panties on his head, after some reprimands for last week’s circle, GM and LCF were transferred to the bucket.

When circle was handed back to the GM, he immediately iced SCAR W/2T'S as revenge. Thereafter he called EXTREMELY VIOLENT BASTARD for last week’s scribe. It could not had taken him more than 15 seconds to complete and the hashers demand a bit more, in particular as the hares had made a big effort to make it a memorable run, spending quite some money on food, playing live music etc. Asked who his best friend was, he named POT MY BROWN PIPE, so both of them were put in the bucket as a warning for poor scribes!

GM handed over the circle to LORD CHICKEN FUCKER who immediately iced the GM. LCF talked a bit about his beautiful string panties, intending to use them as ear-warmers when going to England in March. After that he iced the Slovenians because one of them has a hairy ass. Then he complained a bit about the road construction in Boy’s Town, but also that every time he was there, he saw some fellow hashers, last time he saw BORING PRICK and “SALMONELLA” (GANGREEN).

Thereafter anyone who wanted was invited to sit on the ice, so GOLDEN DILDO and ANGRY BEAVER, NA-HE-MAN, BORING PRICK and PHANTOM all volunteered and were rewarded with a nice song. Then SCAR W/2T’S was iced for wearing make-up a couple of weeks ago, even though it actually was black eyes from his clash with the Frenchmen…

While scribe went to ask PHANTOM his Hash Name, WANK-KING'S WANKER immediately stole the scribe chair! As scribe wanted to sit, he immediately gave WANK-KING'S WANKER away to LFC, who offered him to sit in the bucket instead of stealing others chairs.

Then the circle was handed over to NO MORE CUM, who said that most of the beer was finished, so he iced one guy for holding an un-opened can and two others for talking, then he sang a very nice song where the entire circle participated in the chorus, before handing the circle back to the GM.

GM said that there were only 3 down-downs left, so those were given to ARSE-HOLEO, SUGAR DADDY and NA-HE-MAN for their great singing voices, so they could lead the chorus for the Hash Hymn.

On-On!  Mats Hoegblum


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