Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1767 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Phantom

Run 1767 began innocuously enough, the afternoon was cool and dry, with the A-site positioned in an orchard, providing good coverage with an abundance of mosquitoes.

First observations – we are missing our Baleen Cetacean, better known as SIR FREE WILLY, an integral part of the Hash. So, no awards, no Raffle and no rags for sale. Prior to SFW leaving, a dummy was seen flying through the air – no retrieval was attempted.

GM called the circle and the usual processes and procedures were observed, passing control to the hares. With the usual run explanation out the way the hares then shared their innovation – Hash Halt. At some point in the run you are to stop and wait 10 minutes, for 10 runners to assemble, before moving off. Excellent, this assumes the runners have something to measure time, are familiar with numeracy, can follow directions and the total number of runners is a multiple of 10. If the last group has less than 10 runners they may be there for some time but that loss is considered acceptable collateral damage.

So the runners set off on what was an enjoyable 7 km run. There was of course some water to cross. I found watching LONE WOLF negotiate the water crossing intriguing. Standing on the bank he placed one foot on top of the water, holding it there, then stepping off the bank. Of course his foot broke the water, and he returned to the position on the bank. He tried this several times before angrily wading through the water muttering to himself. Seems like he still thinks he can walk on water.

Many thanks to the Hares and team VV for providing the Hashers with an excellent meal of Chilli Con Carne – very generous gesture.

GM called the second circle and immediately iced BORING PRICK's girlfriend followed by the presentation of Hash Trash. Protests came thick and fast as the GM tried to impress upon her, as a Thai, she should not trash her country. Just for clarity the GM asked her to confirm that she was born in Thailand to which she replied 'Naklua' – sadly, the lights are on but nobody's home.

Not for the first time, but a little unusual, the landowner joined us in the circle. As you can imagine the landowner was more than a little interested in the rabble which had gathered on his property. As the Thai gentleman spoke no English the GM called for an interpreter. As luck would have it the Belgian that knows everything stepped up and began conversing with the owner in what I thought should have been Thai, but the blank stare on the owners face suggested a third language was now being spoken. Everything sorted, the owner was happy and the Hash presented to him a bottle of whiskey, as appreciation for the use of his land. Unfortunately it turns out he doesn't drink - that's awkward, but we didn't stop there – the GM told him he was welcome to stay – very magnanimous of us, it is his land.

On to further business - RAT VON KIEL, while reclining in the bucket, was relieved of Hash Crash. The hares then assembled on the ice but forgot their Down Down's – when questioned by the GM how this had happened, POLE FUCKER said he only gets Down Down's in Pattaya. There is only a marginal resemblance between POLE FUCKER and BORING PRICK's girlfriend, but there is a strong family trait.

The PH3 Choir was happily in attendance, singing strongly. DIRT LOONEY took lead with backup from GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, with WEE MOANING WEASEL singing falsetto.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD was passed control and immediately iced Wiggo. For some background Wiggo is ODD-JOB's mate, lured here by ODD-JOB, on the promise of a no cost holiday in the 'Land of Smiles'. As the EMPEROR explained Wiggo lives in the jungle with OJ, as OJ hares many runs, with virtually no human contact. I'm not sure but I thought I saw Wiggo 'signing' from the ice, as he had his back to OJ – 'please help me'. Wiggo, due to his isolation has lost the power of speech, so the EMPEROR named him VEE GO, so to not challenge him too much, as he was demonstrating some of the behaviors of POLE FUCKER and BORING PRICK's girlfriend. Two virgins were then called into the circle, surprisingly they were not from our usual hotbed of recruitment, namely Belgium, Slovenia or Norway – they were in fact English. While we suffer intolerably from THE WIZARD he is a constant reminder of the whining to be expected from this breed, do we really want more?

GM assumed control and immediately iced the BelgiansUNSTABLE LOAD, RAT VON KIEL and ARSE VAN HOLE for talking – imagine that. BALL RINGER was also invited to take a seat with BEN 10. BEN 10 was proud to announce his Dad's birthday, which quickly became the least of his thoughts after seeing the birthday cake.

Apparently this was too much for the Belgians and except for the RAT, went home. Come back guys, all is forgiven.

LADY TADPOLE and TWO TIME took their seat on the ice to acknowledge their significant contribution to the Hash. TADPOLE spends her time chasing people like BORING PRICK's girlfriend, picking up after her. TWO TIME spends her time supporting team VV.

Here we go – WANK-KING'S WANKER takes the circle to acknowledge any awards and GERMAN SHEPHERD is called in. After much smiling, back slapping, beer sipping and a couple of private jokes we get around to acknowledging GS's 300 Runs. Starting way back in 1991. The awkward question of how many hares has GS done wasn't appreciated, but it also wasn't going away. It would seem 2 hares is the answer, or <1% of the total number of runs, is another way of looking at it. The shirt to acknowledge this achievement, will be presented when a certain Baleen Cetacean has recovered. Surprisingly, we seamlessly move on to GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and his extraordinary achievement of 800 Runs. A similar IOU was issued for a shirt, with the same caveat.

GM takes back the circle and quickly acknowledges LOVE BOAT for being polite – apparently she said 'please' when asking for a beer. Yet I say 'thank you' – and not a word is said.

Control over to NO MORE CUM. Someone, to remain anonymous, mentioned to me NMC reminded them of a cross between a Ninja Turtle and the Beatles. I see the turtle but I didn't see the Beatles, until they showed me a picture of Yoko Ono. Anyhow, RAT VON KIEL is called to the ice as a surrogate for UNSTABLE LOAD and had Hash Crash returned. Apparently UNSTABLE LOAD was, well, unstable, on the run and now wears some very fashionable head protection. GERMAN SHEPHERD, TOSSA and ARSE BANDIT were punished for their loyalty to a questionable soccer team. TURD BURGLAR, LONE WOLF and PHANTOM called to the ice. TB and LW were reminded of their indiscretions in Cambodia while P was there as a surrogate for ARSE-HOLEO, who also tainted Cambodia.

GM quickly takes the circle to punish FLATULENCE for failing to offer his virgin when called to do so.

Circle goes to SCAR W/2T'S, just as I was reminded of a song – 'There's a Kind of Hush All Over the World'. Of course Hashers have the attention span of a Nat, and the noise quickly returns only to be met with dire threats of be-headings, castrations etc. Virgins were called in, as they were incorrectly attired – only to escape penalty due to the aforementioned dummy spit.

WHORE IN THE WINDOW was iced for holding up the song tau, not sure what he was doing so if I say relieving himself that covers all the bases. NMC was iced for complaining about being offered extras in a massage – tell me it's not true - apparently he/she was Semitic and offered him the first mitzvah.

The HUNGARIAN HOOKER HUMPER made an appearance in the bucket. SCAR was obviously impressed with HHH skills as a ninja and asked for a demonstration – perhaps, get out of the bucket, jumping into a tree in under a second. The instrument needed to record the ninja's speed would best be described as a calendar.

The circle work ended with a little culture, as Pattaya Hash Heralds sang a song – lead singer TAMPAX, on percussion DIRT LOONEY, as a visual distraction PENELOPE PITSTOP and the polite LOVE BOAT, banging away... on her tambourine.

Hash Hymn followed.......

On-On!  Phantom

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