Tampax and Pole Fucker
|Hash Flash: Lone Wolf|
|On-On Bar: Nicky's Bar|
|GPS: 12°50'01.76"N 101° 1'45.04"E|
|Download Google Earth .kmz file||Highway 331 - across from Asian U. & 2.5 km E|
Tampax and Pole Fucker
|Hash Flash: Lone Wolf|
|On-On Bar: Nicky's Bar|
|GPS: 12°50'01.76"N 101° 1'45.04"E|
|Highway 331 - across from Asian U. & 2.5 km E|
|Download Google Earth .kmz file|
62 Run Photos This Week
Run 1766 began innocuously enough, the afternoon was cool and dry, with the A-site positioned in an orchard, providing good coverage with an abundance of mosquitoes.
First observations – we are missing our Baleen Cetacean, better known as SIR FREE WILLY, an integral part of the Hash. So, no awards, no Raffle and no rags for sale. Prior to SFW leaving, a dummy was seen flying through the air – no retrieval was attempted.
GM called the circle and the usual processes and procedures were observed, passing control to the hares. With the usual run explanation out the way the hares then shared their innovation – Hash Halt. At some point in the run you are to stop and wait 10 minutes, for 10 runners to assemble, before moving off. Excellent, this assumes the runners have something to measure time, are familiar with numeracy, can follow directions and the total number of runners is a multiple of 10. If the last group has less than 10 runners they may be there for some time but that loss is considered acceptable collateral damage.
So the runners set off on what was an enjoyable 7 km run. There was of course some water to cross. I found watching LONE WOLF negotiate the water crossing intriguing. Standing on the bank he placed one foot on top of the water, holding it there, then stepping off the bank. Of course his foot broke the water, and he returned to the position on the bank. He tried this several times before angrily wading through the water muttering to himself. Seems like he still thinks he can walk on water.
Many thanks to the Hares and team VV for providing the Hashers with an excellent meal of Chilli Con Carne – very generous gesture.
GM called the second circle and immediately iced BORING PRICK‘s girlfriend followed by the presentation of Hash Trash. Protests came thick and fast as the GM tried to impress upon her, as a Thai, she should not trash her country. Just for clarity the GM asked her to confirm that she was born in Thailand to which she replied ‘Naklua’ – sadly, the lights are on but nobody’s home.
Not for the first time, but a little unusual, the landowner joined us in the circle. As you can imagine the landowner was more than a little interested in the rabble which had gathered on his property. As the Thai gentleman spoke no English the GM called for an interpreter. As luck would have it the Belgian that knows everything stepped up and began conversing with the owner in what I thought should have been Thai, but the blank stare on the owners face suggested a third language was now being spoken. Everything sorted, the owner was happy and the Hash presented to him a bottle of whiskey, as appreciation for the use of his land. Unfortunately it turns out he doesn’t drink – that’s awkward, but we didn’t stop there – the GM told him he was welcome to stay – very magnanimous of us, it is his land.
On to further business – RAT VON KIEL, while reclining in the bucket, was relieved of Hash Crash. The hares then assembled on the ice but forgot their Down Down’s – when questioned by the GM how this had happened, POLE FUCKER said he only gets Down Down’s in Pattaya. There is only a marginal resemblance between POLE FUCKER and BORING PRICK‘s girlfriend, but there is a strong family trait.
The PH3 Choir was happily in attendance, singing strongly. DIRT LOONEY took lead with backup from GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, with WEE MOANING WEASEL singing falsetto.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD was passed control and immediately iced Wiggo. For some background Wiggo is ODD-JOB‘s mate, lured here by ODD-JOB, on the promise of a no cost holiday in the ‘Land of Smiles’. As the EMPEROR explained Wiggo lives in the jungle with OJ, as OJ hares many runs, with virtually no human contact. I’m not sure but I thought I saw Wiggo ‘signing’ from the ice, as he had his back to OJ – ‘please help me’. Wiggo, due to his isolation has lost the power of speech, so the EMPEROR named him VEE GO, so to not challenge him too much, as he was demonstrating some of the behaviors of POLE FUCKER and BORING PRICK‘s girlfriend. Two virgins were then called into the circle, surprisingly they were not from our usual hotbed of recruitment, namely Belgium, Slovenia or Norway – they were in fact English. While we suffer intolerably from THE WIZARD he is a constant reminder of the whining to be expected from this breed, do we really want more?
GM assumed control and immediately iced the Belgians – UNSTABLE LOAD, RAT VON KIEL and ARSE VAN HOLE for talking – imagine that. BALL RINGER was also invited to take a seat with BEN 10. BEN 10 was proud to announce his Dad’s birthday, which quickly became the least of his thoughts after seeing the birthday cake.
Apparently this was too much for the Belgians and except for the RAT, went home. Come back guys, all is forgiven.
LADY TADPOLE and TWO TIME took their seat on the ice to acknowledge their significant contribution to the Hash. TADPOLE spends her time chasing people like BORING PRICK‘s girlfriend, picking up after her. TWO TIME spends her time supporting team VV.
Here we go – WANK-KING’S WANKER takes the circle to acknowledge any awards and GERMAN SHEPHERD is called in. After much smiling, back slapping, beer sipping and a couple of private jokes we get around to acknowledging GS‘s 300 Runs. Starting way back in 1991. The awkward question of how many hares has GS done wasn’t appreciated, but it also wasn’t going away. It would seem 2 hares is the answer, or <1% of the total number of runs, is another way of looking at it. The shirt to acknowledge this achievement, will be presented when a certain Baleen Cetacean has recovered. Surprisingly, we seamlessly move on to GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and his extraordinary achievement of 800 Runs. A similar IOU was issued for a shirt, with the same caveat.
GM takes back the circle and quickly acknowledges LOVE BOAT for being polite – apparently she said ‘please’ when asking for a beer. Yet I say ‘thank you’ – and not a word is said.
Control over to NO MORE CUM. Someone, to remain anonymous, mentioned to me NMC reminded them of a cross between a Ninja Turtle and the Beatles. I see the turtle but I didn’t see the Beatles, until they showed me a picture of Yoko Ono. Anyhow, RAT VON KIEL is called to the ice as a surrogate for UNSTABLE LOAD and had Hash Crash returned. Apparently UNSTABLE LOAD was, well, unstable, on the run and now wears some very fashionable head protection. GERMAN SHEPHERD, TOSSA and ARSE BANDIT were punished for their loyalty to a questionable soccer team. TURD BURGLAR, LONE WOLF and PHANTOM called to the ice. TB and LW were reminded of their indiscretions in Cambodia while P was there as a surrogate for ARSE-HOLEO, who also tainted Cambodia.
GM quickly takes the circle to punish FLATULENCE for failing to offer his virgin when called to do so.
Circle goes to SCAR W/2T’S, just as I was reminded of a song – ‘There’s a Kind of Hush All Over the World’. Of course Hashers have the attention span of a Nat, and the noise quickly returns only to be met with dire threats of be-headings, castrations etc. Virgins were called in, as they were incorrectly attired – only to escape penalty due to the aforementioned dummy spit.
WHORE IN THE WINDOW was iced for holding up the song tau, not sure what he was doing so if I say relieving himself that covers all the bases. NMC was iced for complaining about being offered extras in a massage – tell me it’s not true – apparently he/she was Semitic and offered him the first mitzvah.
The HUNGARIAN HOOKER HUMPER made an appearance in the bucket. SCAR was obviously impressed with HHH skills as a ninja and asked for a demonstration – perhaps, get out of the bucket, jumping into a tree in under a second. The instrument needed to record the ninja’s speed would best be described as a calendar.
The circle work ended with a little culture, as Pattaya Hash Heralds sang a song – lead singer TAMPAX, on percussion DIRT LOONEY, as a visual distraction PENELOPE PITSTOP and the polite LOVE BOAT, banging away… on her tambourine.
Hash Hymn followed…….
Shows total runs with PH3
Total Runners This Week - 101
Hashers Present Last Week - 74
10 Derrick Boivin; 3 Thitarat Puttha; 2 Mike Silverman; 2 Noi Somjan; 71 ARSE VAN HOLE; 62 BEETROOT HEAD; 10 BORING PRICK; 134 BURL IVES; 81 CASPER; 59 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 102 DEL BOY; 120 DIRT LOONEY; 544 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1430 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 20 FLATULENCE; 164 FUZZY LURE; 665 G.I. JOE; 330 GANGREEN; 800 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 300 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 131 GOLDEN RIVET; 25 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 62 HARBOR WHORE; 42 HOI WAN; 323 KARAMBA; 17 LADYBUG; 377 LIBERACE; 464 LONE WOLF; 162 LOST CAUSE; 83 LOVE BOAT; 33 MAEMOT; 60 MAYO QUEEN; 178 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 210 MENTAL DISORDER; 133 MISS USE ME; 775 MRS. HEAD; 221 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 224 NO MORE CUM; 409 ODD-JOB; 135 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 15 PENELOPE PITSTOP; 86 PHANTOM; 62 PINK DOLPHIN; 48 POL DANCER; 47 POLE FUCKER; 5 PORK CHOP; 120 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 79 RAT VON KIEL; 268 SCAR W/2TS; 115 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 27 SHE'S THE BOSS; 95 SIMONE EBOLA; 725 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 755 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 912 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 229 SKIING FINN; 42 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 106 SPERM POLLUTER; 468 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 452 TAMPAX; 83 TELLY TUBBY; 74 THE WIZARD; 225 TOM BOY; 46 TOSSA; 226 TURD BURGLAR; 228 TWO TIME; 89 UNSTABLE LOAD; 5 VEE GO; 377 VELCRO DICK; 846 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 365 WANK-KING'S WANKER; 15 WEASEL'S WILLY WARMER; 122 WEE MOANING WEASEL; 45 WHORE IN THE WINDOW;
Returners - 22
4 Mark Penders; 3 Tasphon Pungmani; 43 ARSE BANDIT; 636 BALL RINGER; 417 BELL END; 155 BEN 10; 220 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 215 BILLION SUCKER; 135 CRAPPER; 24 HAPPY SURVIVOR; 26 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 16 HUNGARIAN HOOKER HUMPER; 7 ICE; 237 KEE MAH; 90 NEXT WEEK; 375 PELER; 178 PINKABOO; 91 POCKET SOCKET; 272 REAR GUNNER; 36 STOOL MOVER; 9 TRAFALGAR; 173 UP THE BUTT;
Visitors - 2
6 HOMBRE - Pattaya - Jungle Hash, Thailand
14 SPLINTER DICK - Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
Virgins - 3
Thanaphon Kanyarasit; Stuart Waring; Tom Young;
Leavers - 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries - 2
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER was congratulated on completing his 800th Run.
GERMAN SHEPHERD was congratulated on completing his 300th Run.
Hash Name Events - 1
Wiggo Carlsen was given the New Hash Name VEE GO.
Saints and Sinners - 1
Thitarat Puttha - Hash Trash - Caught littering the A-site.
Birthdays - 1
Happy Birthday, BALL RINGER - 18 January.