FREE BEER FOR ALL THE HASHERS: In celebration of Super Bowl #52, GM MENTAL DISORDER proclaimed 52 weeks of free beer for all the hashers at the Pattaya H3. The Beer Police have been instructed to help hashers carry slabs of beer to their private vehicles or to the baht busses for anyone who thinks he might get thirsty at home during the coming week The beer truck is now equipped with several wheel barrows so hashers won’t hurt their backs while carting out all that beer. In 26 weeks, this initiative will be carefully scrutinised to see if the PH3 needs to order more beer each week.
BALL RINGER was so thrilled on hearing this news that he performed a one-legged jig while instructing young BEN 10 and his lovely mother to help the Beer Police load up his car, and a trailer he brought to the hash this week in anticipation of this announcement. The foreskin transplant on BALL RINGER's knee was apparently so successful that his now leg stiffens whenever he sees BOLLYWOOD on the ice.
TADPOLE RIDES AGAIN: Another magnanimous announcement from the GM was his approval for the purchase of a Vacuum Tractor for DUCHESS TADPOLE. She will now be able to ride this vehicle on all future trails, cleaning the country side of litter left by the hares, the neighbouring farmers, or any creatures large or small that may have inhabited the region during pre-historic times. When asked whether she preferred a BMW or Mercedes Tractor, DUCHESS TADPOLE replied that she would prefer one of each so she could drive one during the week and clean up Second Road on her way to work. The GM called on the Beer Hunters to follow along behind TADPOLE's Tractor, and pick up any trash that she might miss. A special Beer Hunter Harness will be custom-fitted so these laggards do not fall too far behind TADPOLE's Tractor.
THE PLOT THICKENS: FREE WILLY revealed that he is the brains behind the entire PH3 mismanagement team. FREE WILLY humbly admitted “They are my hand-picked puppets who follow my orders without question, or nothing would get done around here. Without my leadership the PH3 would sink into oblivion, or worse yet resemble the “other so-called hash” that reportedly runs near Pattaya every other week”.
A TRAIL OF 2 CITIES by Charles Dick-Ins: The long and short trails were both precisely 3-kilometres long this week due to the constant whining of the Runners who complained that they didn’t think it fair that the Walkers arrived back with ample time to “freshen up” before the real hashers returned all hot, sweaty, scratched up, and so knackered that they can barely find the beer truck. The GM assigned the Beer Hunters to do both the long and short trails next week to determine if this complaint has any merit, or if it is utter bull sh*t like we occasionally encounter on trail, but much more often in the circle afterwards.
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE by Sir Elton the Fudge-Packer: The mere mortal Werner was christened with a proper Hash name, "MARILYN THE HARBOUR SLUT." BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK was reprimanded for shortcutting across the pineapple patch, and then lying about it to the RA. FREE WILLY managed to empty most of the ice from the bucket when he emerged from his throne with an ice-coated arse. Not a pretty sight, and the probable cause of near freezing temperatures all evening at the A-site. WILLY was later asked to demonstrate “Prison Sex” with DIARRHEA so they could both fit in the bucket. WILLY quipped that back in the Big House he was known as the “Back Door Boss”, so he wanted to switch positions with DIARRHEA. In your dreams WILLY.
FIELD OF DREAMS. NO MORE CUM told BOLLYWOOD that he’d had a X-Rated dreams about her recently, and he wondered if she would stop by his love shack later this evening for some “Dream Therapy”. She just giggled sheepishly, and said he would have to get in line behind the rest of the PH3 who have similar fantasies.
The blonde virgin sex tourist from Norway won the Raffle, and chose to take SCAR W/2T'S home as a her prize. This was a rough blow for CANNONBALL, who was already feeling down in the dumps because of the Patriots loss in the Super Bowl. CANNONBALL was philosophical about everything when SCAR became virgin’s “Chosen One”. CB was heard to say “You can’t win ‘em all, but please God, let the Patriot star quarterback Tom Brady get lucky when he goes home tonight, because he certainly had no luck during the game today”.
The GM reminded everyone that next week is Valentine's Day, so to be sure to share VD with someone you love.
Submitted by BIMBO - A humble man of few words, but many memories.
Total Hashers This Week - 93
Hashers Present Last Week - 69
2 Ragnar Thorstvedt; 196 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 108 ANAL CHEESE; 74 ARSE VAN HOLE; 82 BANANAS; 65 BEETROOT HEAD; 222 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 17 BOLLYWOOD; 137 BURL IVES; 127 CAMEL HUMPER; 138 CRAPPER; 117 DESERT SCORPION; 14 DIARRHEA; 123 DIRT LOONEY; 547 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 668 G.I. JOE; 333 GANGREEN; 803 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 25 GING GANG GOOLIES; 134 GOLDEN RIVET; 27 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 65 HARBOR WHORE; 130 HELIUM HEAD; 239 KEE MAH; 732 LADY FLIPPER; 19 LADYBUG; 380 LIBERACE; 165 LOST CAUSE; 86 LOVE BOAT; 81 MASTER CHEF; 63 MAYO QUEEN; 181 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 213 MENTAL DISORDER; 136 MISS USE ME; 778 MRS. HEAD; 224 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 93 NEXT WEEK; 226 NO MORE CUM; 412 ODD-JOB; 138 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 377 PELER; 89 PHANTOM; 64 PINK DOLPHIN; 94 POCKET SOCKET; 50 POLE FUCKER; 123 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 82 RAT VON KIEL; 271 SCAR W/2TS; 81 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 727 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 754 SIR FREE WILLY; 758 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 915 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 45 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 4 SMOKEY'S NANNY; 135 SPECIAL PRICE; 471 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 85 TELLY TUBBY; 77 THE WIZARD; 49 TOSSA; 11 TRAFALGAR; 231 TWO TIME; 92 UNSTABLE LOAD; 175 UP THE BUTT; 8 VEE GO; 380 VELCRO DICK; 849 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 368 WANK-KING'S WANKER; 48 WHORE IN THE WINDOW;
Returners - 17
637 BALL RINGER; 172 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 418 BELL END; 156 BEN 10; 217 BILLION SUCKER; 33 BIMBO; 30 BOW TIE; 36 CROW FUCKER; 337 FUCK THE TRUTH; 26 HAPPY SURVIVOR; 27 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 5 MARLYN HARBOR SLUT; 97 MUD CRACKER; 179 PINKABOO; 273 REAR GUNNER; 232 ROBBING BASTARD; 29 SHE'S THE BOSS;
Visitors - 5
2 Peter Adomauskas - Angeles City Hash, Philippines
13 CANNON BALL - Bangkok Hash, Thailand
1 Natanons Hird - Berkshire Hash, UK
1 MORTY VICAR - Berkshire Hash, UK
5 ALICE - Jubail Hash, Saudi Arabia
Virgins - 3
Natanons Hird; Cralar Reuse; Geir Sundvoien;
Leavers - 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries - 2
THE WIZARD was awarded his 5 Hared Runs Hat.
POLE FUCKER was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.
Hash Naming Events - 2
ULI'S GOOLIES had his Hash Name changed back to GING GANG GOOLIES.
Werner Vergauwen was given the New Hash Name MARLYN HARBOR SLUT.
Saints and Sinners - 1
DUCHESS TADPOLE - Hash Hero - For her weekly efforts to clean up trash on run trails. Well done!
Birthdays - 0
~ none this week ~