It’s mid February in Pattaya and that means love is in the air! (Or is that lust? After all, it is Pattaya). Yep, it was time for the annual Valentine’s Day Run. This year’s edition was held at the entrance to the Asian University, an A-site used many times before. However, instead of being shunted off into the bush, the A-site was actually on the entrance road in front of the gate which is a much better location.
As I was with the Beer Hunters, I can’t really describe the run so let me discuss our day out. Five of us took off on a baht bus for a roadside bar on Phoenix Road. Several bottles of Leo and Chang were consumed on the most fucked up table I’ve ever seen which had a 30 degree tilt to it. Amazingly, no one spilled their beer. After an hour or so, we took the Baht bus back to the A-site where the first runners had already arrived. Lots more beer was consumed. REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD drank every bottle of Chang he could find. A most satisfying day!
What, you say, you want more details? The rest of this report may or may not be true....
Meanwhile , in an alternate universe, the runners took off on a counter-clockwise route around the Asian University. The run was advertised as 8 km in length and the walkers trail at 4 km. Advertised run lengths were accurate according to my sources so the hares didn’t lie this time. In addition, nearly everyone came in about the same time so the checks were very effective at keeping the pack together. Good job hares! Hares were SCAR, BELL STAR, MENTAL DISORDER, and MENSTRUAL DISORDER by the way. Weather was pretty much ideal and cooler than normal for this time of year. I guess Cupid loves the Hash...
Circle was officiated by THE WIZARD, who was standing in for MENTAL DISORDER since he was a hare. He began by giving us a history lesson on how St. Valentine’s Day got started. I’ve already forgotten his explanation but a quick Google search should give you the details if interested.
Organizers of the PH3 Beach Social (held the previous Wednesday at Jomtien Beach) were recognized in the circle. It sounds like it was an excellent time. Although advertised as a fee event, the fee was waived for everyone in attendance. Since it was so popular, maybe it should be done twice a year.
All the Canadians were then put in the bucket. Not sure why but no reason needed as they’re Canucks. One virgin was present, Peter, who hails from Holland, sponsored by BARNACLE BOLLOX. He seemed to really enjoy the Hash and says he will be back next week.
Three awards: VV for 850 Runs, GERMAN SHEPHERD who was given his 300th Run T-shirt and POLE FUCKER who was given his 50th Run T-Shirt.
Harriettes were then brought in the circle. Roses were produced, and given to them by their boytoys who held them in their mouths while kneeling.. Yes, there is romance in the Hash!
NO MORE CUM then took charge of the circle and iced all the Americans because of some obscure football match played in England last week. ANFI later told me a team called the Tottenham Hotspuds beat Arsenal for the first time ever in their sorry existence. As we all know, the real football match of the week was the Super Bowl, which resulted in an upset win for Philadelphia.
Lost property this week was a chair which nobody claimed. It looks like nobody ever will.
After circle concluded, many of us headed to Nicky’s Bar which was this week’s on on bar. I really like this place. The staff always takes good care of the Hash. They laid on a ton of food for us.
It was a very enjoyable day. Well done to the hares and mismanagement!
Your humble scribe
Total Hashers This Week - 98
Hashers Present Last Week - 69
3 Ragnar Thorseth; 197 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 109 ANAL CHEESE; 75 ARSE VAN HOLE; 638 BALL RINGER; 173 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 66 BEETROOT HEAD; 419 BELL END; 157 BEN 10; 218 BILLION SUCKER; 138 BURL IVES; 14 CANNON BALL; 139 CRAPPER; 37 CROW FUCKER; 15 DIARRHEA; 124 DIRT LOONEY; 548 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 338 FUCK THE TRUTH; 669 G.I. JOE; 334 GANGREEN; 804 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 26 GING GANG GOOLIES; 135 GOLDEN RIVET; 28 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 28 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 66 HARBOR WHORE; 131 HELIUM HEAD; 240 KEE MAH; 733 LADY FLIPPER; 381 LIBERACE; 166 LOST CAUSE; 6 MARLIN HARBOR SLUT; 82 MASTER CHEF; 64 MAYO QUEEN; 182 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 214 MENTAL DISORDER; 137 MISS USE ME; 779 MRS. HEAD; 225 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 94 NEXT WEEK; 227 NO MORE CUM; 413 ODD-JOB; 139 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 90 PHANTOM; 65 PINK DOLPHIN; 180 PINKABOO; 95 POCKET SOCKET; 51 POLE FUCKER; 83 RAT VON KIEL; 274 REAR GUNNER; 272 SCAR W/2TS; 82 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 728 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 755 SIR FREE WILLY; 759 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 916 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 46 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 5 SMOKEY'S NANNY; 136 SPECIAL PRICE; 472 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 78 THE WIZARD; 12 TRAFALGAR; 232 TWO TIME; 93 UNSTABLE LOAD; 9 VEE GO; 381 VELCRO DICK; 850 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 369 WANK-KING'S WANKER; 49 WHORE IN THE WINDOW;
Returners - 22
6 Werner Heinle; 4 Yasmine Heinle; 46 ARSE BANDIT; 30 BELL STAR; 84 CASPER; 62 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 47 CIA; 105 DEL BOY; 339 DOESN'T TOUCH THE SIDES; 166 FUZZY LURE; 303 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 44 HOI WAN; 18 HUNGARIAN HOOKER HUMPER; 79 INVISIBLE MAN; 467 LONE WOLF; 36 MAEMOT; 102 MINELESS CUNT; 173 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 109 SPERM POLLUTER; 84 STREET CLEANER; 24 VIOS; 15 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM;
Visitors - 6
14 LUCAN MADE ME CUM - Bangkok Hash, Thailand
12 LEFT BEHIND - Chiang Mai Hash, Thailand
13 TOY BOY - Jebel Hash, Oman
4 Weeraya Katanang - Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
16 SPLINTER DICK - Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 Jan Raustol - Scandi Hooligan Hash, Norway
Virgins - 1
Leavers - 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries - 3
VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR was congratulated on completion of his 850th Run.
GERMAN SHEPHERD was awarded his 300th Run T-Shirt.
POLE FUCKER was awarded his 50th Run T-Shirt.
Hash Naming Events - 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners - 2
BARNACLE BOLLOX - Hash Trash - Left his chair last Wednesday at the Beach Social.
BALL RINGER - Hash Crash - Forgot to lock his handbrake and hit Lost Cause's minivan.
Birthdays - 0
~ none this week ~