PH3 Run 1782 Scribe
by Rear Gunner
The Grand Masters Run #1 - Pattaya H3 #1782 - History is made with the “All GM’s Run”. All of Pattaya’s Hash House Harriers Grand Masters hare together for the first time. This is the equivalent of getting Trump, Putin, Kim Jong Un and The Pope together for a piss up. This is bigger news than a fat North Korean with NO MORE CUM's haircut wanting world peace.
GM of the PH3, MENTAL DISORDER has organised a joint hared run with the GM of the Dirt Road H3 PINKY, the GM of the Jungle H3 SPERM POLLUTER and the GM of the Jungle Monkey H3 ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CLUELESS.
The combination of Pattaya’s premium athletics clubs brings together the cream of Pattaya’s running, drinking, bullshitting, smoking, obese, horizontal holidaying, Olympic quality wannabe long, short, no distance runners, walkers, sitters, beer hunting lazy bastards and Cheap Charlies.
GM MENTAL DISORDER renown for not being able to talk longer than 60 seconds without the conversation turning to sex. GM SPERM POLLUTER renown for not being able to hold the circle longer than 60 seconds before flashing his ring, his nuts or anything else that falls out of his pants, vulgar behaviour, verbally abusing the weak and mentally challenged and making birthday cakes.
GM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CLUELESS renown for sparkling conversation about absolutely fucking nothing and forgetting absolutely fucking everything because he’s ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CLUELESS. GM PINKY renown for being a gentleman for minutes at a time before the bastard puts you in a bucket of nipple deep ice and water, forces you to consume extra-large double down downs and Grand Master of Dirt punishment and general physical abuse and horizontal refreshments.
Resurrected runners include “Hall of Famers” THE PIMP, first run #17, PAPA WHISKEY, first run #111, they joined other famous Hashers, GENERAL “Bones” KIDNEY WIPER first run #105, SIR FREE “Slim” WILLY, EMPEROR “High as a kite” AIRHEAD first run #29, Sir “BBQ” VV, Sir “Good run, good run” BALL RINGER, SIR “Drinkalotachang” RSB, Sir GI “Lost again” JOE, SIR “Softies” ARSE-A-HOLIC, DUCHESS “Trash collector” TADPOLE, LADY “Raffles” FLIPPER and BARNACLE “What the fuck did he say” BOLLOX first run #8.
Other hashers we haven’t seen for ages JELLO BUTT, RUMPLED FORESKIN, PUSSY SNATCHER, BAM BAM.
Today's A site is in an open quarry off Highway 331, easy to find and just as easy to leave. Circled up and virgins dealt with lightly with the promise of punishment later. New shoes? A cheeky c*nt from Denver Colorado rubbed a bit of mud on his new shoes in a feeble attempt to hide them but GM THE WIZARD is an ex HM Prison Warden and has years of experience dealing with fakes and spotted this immediately. I assume SON OF PIMP had warned him of the consequences of wearing new shoes.
The run was good and I was near the front runners for a while but I kept hearing NINJA PRINCESS behind me yelling On On and was soon passed by NOISY QUEEN and NINJA PRINCESS with poor old UNSTABLE LOAD trying to keep up.
JELLO BUTT even broke a check. Unfuckenbelievable! I ran/walked 5.98 km today and was doing fine until I came to the river crossing, f*ck that, so I turned around and walked back. DIARRHEA was first runner in closely followed by DEL BOY, even midpacker JELLO BUTT was in with the first few front runners and GI JOE got back before dark.
VV and TWO TIME have got the free BBQ going, beef or pork sausages with salad and onions. Yum!
Circle up. THE WIZARD starts by icing the hares to get a general opinion of today’s run, everyone loved it except GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER who it seems found a back check that went 1 km up a mountain. Generally acknowledged as a good A site and a very good run. Well done hares I can’t wait for next years “2nd Annual All GM” run.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and tells us about the origins of the PH3 which he said was started by Hans and Molly Kirgis in 1984 and it was full of poofters and was then taken over by real men when he and THE PIMP started and they turned a gay piss up and pub crawl into a real man’s run and they invited other real men like PAPA WHISKEY and LORD CHICKEN FUCKER to join them, then they wanted to add a bit of glamour and a lovely young TADPOLE joined. BARNACLE BOLLOCKS complained that he was on run #8 and wasn’t a poofter but he once shagged a bloke who was.
FREE WILLY's Raffle, with the top prize a bottle of Australian Red Wine vinegar plus chocolates, a toy hippo, biscuits, cheap vodka, Canada caps, blue nightie and a large rice cooker snapped up by ARSE-A-HOLIC's lovely lady. Winners are a lady I don’t know, MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY, ARSE BANDIT, ARSE-A-HOLIC's lady, SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC, LIBERACE and CASPER who hadn’t paid for her tickets so SPERM POLLUTER iced until payment.
Virgins – 1 from California, 1 from Denver, 2 from Berlin and 1 lovely Thai lady who says yes to everything AIRHEAD asks, perfect.
STUPID KRAUT KUNT iced for talking and as usual pulls his pants down to his ankles, flashes his bratwurst to everyone and dives into the bucket. SPERM POLLUTER iced with ARSE BANDIT and WANK-KING'S WANKER, SP is the "Wanker of the Week". A new love song “Will You Swallow My Cum” sung by GANGREEN to get them off the ice. Very funny.
Dirt GM PINKY takes the circle and ices PHANTOM for his latest hared run on 26-04-18 unfortunately the shirt has 26-04-16 on the sleeve, just had a look at my shirt yep, 2016 well done hares that will be ice time at the next PDRH3. All Berliners iced, SKK, GING GANG GOOLIES and we’re told that the 2 virgin geniuses had seen the hash map online and had assumed that the run started at the Buffalo Bar and we ran from there to the A site on Highway 331. They only had to look at the waiting hashers to realise that the only running these old fuckers do is out of money.
Monkey GM AFC takes over and ices RUMPLED FORESKIN, GI JOE, JELLO BUTT, PUSSY SNATCHER. SPERM POLLUTER and BAM BAM in the bucket, a very tight fit. Belgians iced next because they’re noisy fuckers or just because they make good victims.
Jungle GM SPERM POLLUTER takes over and ices the 2 virgin Berliners, GANGREEN, TURD BURGLAR, RSB, FERRY QUEEN, JELLO BUTT, DEL BOY and then abuses MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY. He pissed in MGKIG’s shoe and pissed in the bucket, I think he’s been drinking. Generally yells and screams at everyone, I guess we’re lucky he didn’t shit in the bucket and set someone on fire but there’s always next week.
Monday Hash GM MENTAL DISORDER takes over and picks on poor old JELLO BUTT who is feeling cold and has put on a shirt with sleeves, unfortunately the shirt needs a wash and PUSSY SNATCHER helps with an ice bucket wash. Next victim is GI JOE who was scared and hiding in the back ground after SPERM POLLUTER's circle, SQUEEZE joins him on the ice. JOE runs on all of Pattaya’s Hashes, Melaka Hashes, Philippine Hashes , World Hashes he has way over a thousand runs and been the GM of most of the Pattaya Hashes. Hash Hero.
Hares song about the joys of the vagina sung by SPERM POLLUTER. Last down downs and then the Hash Hymn led by BALL RINGER and BEN 10.
Great run, great circle, great food, great idea to have all the GM’s hare a run, great day out. Looking forward to next years “All GM’s Run”. See you next week at CRAPPER and POCKET SOCKET's run off Highway 331 just North of 3240.
On-On! Rear Gunner