Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1792 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Phantom

While not involved, I understand there was a little drama organising this run as alarm bells were ringing as late as the previous Saturday. There were a few issues, including the entrance to the A-site and how to communicate that information to the PH3 membership. Those issues were resolved, a testament to the strength of this club, as I now find myself in the first of three baht buses, driving on a long, narrow and extremely bumpy causeway, on route to the A-site. The A-site was very good, plenty of parking space, being flat, lightly grassed open land, with shade available.

THE WIZARD called the circle, the first business, new shoes. Unable to find any new shoes the Wizard then looked for new socks, then new laces, only to be disappointed – apparently we are a very thrifty bunch. As we had no virgins the GM called the hares for run directions. The CORNHOLE team assembled, SNAP, CRACKLE, POP and the COLONEL, and the two rescue hares, TWO TIME and VV. I was a little disappointed this was a VV run as I was hoping to keep my feet dry – those hopes had now gone. VV gave the usual run directions, warning of cows, dogs and barbed wire. The COLONEL spoke about two prizes which were available on the trail, 1 for walkers and 1 for runners - and the run began. The walkers took around an hour with the runners a little longer to complete a very good trail. Unfortunately there was an area on the trail which contained much litter - and then there was the water.

The GM called the circle and iced the hares. SNAP, CRACKLE and POP were given an ice pass. The opinion of the circle was that it was a good run. Those observant hashers would have noticed the GM wearing long pants instead of his usual shorts, raising some suspicions.

Control then passed to COLONEL CORNHOLE who announced the winners of the trail prizes – SEAL SUCKER and VV each won a bottle of Scotch. The circle consensus was that SEAL SUCKER was a Short Cutting Bastard so the GM gave SEAL SUCKER some bucket time, where he could have his scotch with a little ice and water.

The King of Retail, FREE WILLY, took the circle to conduct the Raffle, producing 7 lucky winners.

The GM then called all English to the ice, and informed the circle how he bet on a World Cup game and correctly nominated the half and full time scores. He lamented that the gamble had not resulted in a much improved lifestyle but could threaten his cholesterol level – he had won cheese - a lot of cheese. Those on the ice got to share some of that cheese prior to the Belgians being called to the ice – eventually the Belgians and the circle were offered some cheese.

AIRHEAD took the circle and reveled in the quiet his presence brings, much to the chagrin of the GM. The hares were iced, and SLUG was bucketed for disturbing that quiet. Here we got to know a little bit more about team VV – married for 16 years, how VV had to work hard to impress TWO TIME, and their long association with the hash.

It was in one of those rare moments of quiet we could just make out the noise of man sobbing. On investigation we could hear him talking - 'I know I was rough on you, it was rough for me too, I didn't want to do it, but we knew it would come to this one day'. As we got closer we could see LIBERACE down on one knee, in front of his car, staring into the grill. Whether the car accepted the apology for having to traverse the extremely bumpy causeway, is unknown. We backed away and returned to the circle but could hear him say, 'say you're not hurt and everything is OK and I promise I will find another way....'.

With AIRHEAD still in control CANNONBALL was a little shocked to be iced, when he was just standing in the circle saying nothing... that was the problem, he wasn't singing the down down. CIA was iced and accused of being a double agent for the Houston Hash – he didn't help his cause by taking the fifth. The GM was called to the ice, apparently those suspicious long pants were hiding a grazed leg from a crash on the trail. The appropriate, and very fashionable head wear was installed – Billy the snitch was now a dead man walking.

GM took back the circle getting quick retribution, by icing Billy the snitch, aka GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER. GM then assembled candidates for Wanker of the Week award – with SEAL SUCKER an odds on favourite. When the GM crashed on the trail SEAL SUCKER was there, standing over the GM, pondering whether to help him or put him out of his misery – thinking that is not the problem, telling the GM, can be awkward for you later.

WANK-KING'S WANKER took the circle to present awards. HOI WAN received her 50 run shirt. It should be noted her first run was 20 years ago – probably no expectations to make 100 runs. SIMONE EBOLA received his 100 run shirt. NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER received his 10 hare award.

The GM then introduced a game where you insert a large plastic bottle, upside down, with the cap and bottom cut off, into the top of your shorts. You then place a beer bottle cap on your forehead, with your head back – then attempt to get the cap into the bottle by tilting your head forward. Teams represented Australia, Scotland, US, UK and Belgium. One by one the teams were successful, only Belgian remained, represented by RAT VON KIEL. As RAT VON KIEL stared at the sky, head back, about to restore Belgian pride when the GM poured water into the bottle – the circle dissolved into laughter.

SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE was given the circle and called PHANTOM to the ice. History recalls how individuals have been given great power, only to abuse that power, by ignoring accepted and long established standards, failing to seek community opinion to solutions and implementing badly conceived thought bubbles.

There was Ghengis Khan, Hitler and now, SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE. The badly conceived thought bubble was to force the change of behaviour of dual nationals when they are asked to identify by nationality. The argument is, it depends on the question to which nationality, dual nationals identify. For example, a dual national, British/Israeli in 1943, standing at the gates of Dachau, would have a clear preference to the nationality question. We must not judge SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE too harshly, but taking the circle again, is clearly a step too far.

GM took the circle and iced SLUG and CIA for their donations to charity – well done.

LORD CHICKEN FUCKER had a cameo appearance – circling the ice carrying a small copy of the World Cup, singing, 'It's Coming Home'.

Prior to the circle commencing some intrepid hashers did find an alternative route from the A-site, so the return journey along the causeway could be avoided. That trail was appropriately papered but they had to be convinced, checks/back checks were not necessary.

Hares Song was sung by BURL IVES. Hash Hymn was led by BEN 10.

On-On!  Phantom

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