Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1800 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by The Wizard

The Veterans' Day run was established some time ago by the PH3 to honour and commemorate those hashers who had passed on in the previous year and was previously marked by a minutes silence, a down down before the run and a display of photos of those who were no longer with us. These days the traditions that are maintained are a free run for all the hashers who have completed at least 26 runs in the period between Veterans Runs along with a free memento, in this year's case a pair of hashing socks (especially imported from the Philippines).

And so it came to pass that a slightly larger gathering than previous weeks (the lure of freebies and VV's barbecued sausage ) found themselves on a familiar A site just on the other side of the 331 by the entrance to what we know now is a BMX stadium, which incidentally has a perimeter wall greater in length than that at Windsor Castle. A tarmac surface was well appreciated by those amongst us who dislike mud and on cue, the GM called order for the first circle. Due deference was given to all the formalities which included the drinking of beer from a shoe by the young lady accompanying THE COUNT and without any further fuss we were off on the run.

Considering the experience and status of the 2 hares for this prestigious occasion we were expecting a well laid but challenging run and we were not disappointed. 8 checks, 8 back checks and a couple of FT's kept the pack together for much of the run, especially so when the walkers arrived on one side of a rubber tree plantation just as the runners were solving a check on the other side. There was much confusion for several minutes until it was established that the walkers had been off paper for a while and were heading out on what was the way in for the runners. Normal service was resumed and back at the A site runners seemed to have done around 8 km whilst some of the lemmings, I mean walkers, had done up towards 7 km (you need to follow paper, not the man in front of you!)

The GM declared the barbecue ready and invited us all to form an orderly queue to obtain our sausage in a roll, and miraculously the GM found himself at the head of this queue but was unable to operate the ketchup bottle without having seen anyone else use it so caused the first delay of the process. Anyway, there was plenty of food, affording everyone the opportunity for seconds and SEAL SUCKER who was wearing the majority of his first serving on his nice, previously white, shirt was off like a rocket (in direct contrast to his loitering at all the checks earlier in the day). Thanks to VV and ZENERGY (and no doubt TWO TIME) for doing all the hard work to ensure we were all well fed again.

Due to the BBQ the second circle was a little late in commencing and just as the GM was clearing his throat to tell us what a great something or other was he was handed a mobile phone which had been left unattended on the beer truck. Never one to miss a trick, his first thought was to go through the phone to see if there were any incriminating photos he would be able to use in the future - thankfully the owner of the phone stepped up to retrieve it before any lasting damage could be done. HARBOUR WHORE was the owner but he avoided any penalty for Hash Trash as he claimed he was collecting and opening a can of beer for the seated SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE who also had her left arm in a sling, the result of a fall on a run a couple of weeks ago.

Back to the normal routine and the hares were iced, SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD providing the comedy as he nearly fell off the ice just as he was putting his ancient backside onto the block, opinions gathered about the run were all positive and thus the hares congratulated on a job well done.

SIR FREE WILLY took centre stage, advised us that the hare line for November had opened and there were 2 spots to fill ( 2 special runs already booked). Then straight into the Raffle, offering 9 chances to win various goodies including biscuits, booze chocolates but no sex toys. The winners all lined up for their photos, some more excitedly than others (LOST CAUSE - but she did win 2 prizes) and like a magician SFW whisked the table away and the GM was back as the ring master.

First up to the ice were LONE WOLF, PHANTOM, ARSE VAN HOLE and UNSTABLE LOAD who had, allegedly, used the pretext of a hash meeting to go out and do whatever boys do in Pattaya, this being discovered when the wife of AVH bumped into the GM and MENSTRUAL DISORDER on their daily cruise of the back streets of Jomtien, and enquired as to why they weren't at the meeting. We can only imagine MENTAL (poker face) DISORDER's reaction to this unexpected question......

Next up were a crowd of Belgians (or Belgiums for our Antipodean brothers) who were quizzed about their football allegiances to various clubs the names of which, Antwerp and Bruges, proved to be too much of a mouthful for our well traveled GM who whilst trying to pronounce these 3 syllables sounded like he was choking on a mouthful of marbles. Staying up late to watch live football from Belgium was the reason that MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I'M GAY had been spotted drinking water instead of Leo. You should have had a beer and an early night, as your team were bashed 3-0.

In the absence of EMPEROR AIRHEAD, LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was invited to take the circle and in he came, resplendent in a Viking hat (which he found on the top of his wardrobe) with one horn up and the other one down, a 'dinner jacket' t shirt and a pair of Millwall FC shorts, a mismatch of items that only the really old can get away with. After dealing with the hares again LCF went around the circle methodically icing whoever he took a fancy to, including MISS CHIVAS and KOSOVO CUTIE, just so he could reminisce about the old days (it was whispered in my ear that it had possibly been 15 yrs since MISS CHIVAS had been seen at the hash). GI JOE was next to take a seat and was reminded about a late night out recently of which he has no recall (I can identify with that), followed by BALL RINGER and BELL END who were interrogated about the latter's interest in a big black guy she had encountered at a local 7/11. Nothing was denied and much was admitted but they both left the ice happy so all is good. BB, complaining about sore knees was called to the 'refrigerated seat' and told us that on his upcoming travels he will be representing the PH3 in all aspects of drinking (not running, of course)'ve got a lot to live up to there BB, but you have our confidence.

The GM briefly resumed control to congratulate LIBERACE and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD (GM, don't keep forgetting the 'Really' part) on attending every single run in the last calendar year. It was noted that neither of them actually run or walk on trail (going backwards for a few hundred metres doesn't count Lib) but they were congratulated on being a lovely couple who actually travel to the hash together. Cute.

Silence fell upon as WANK-KING'S WANKER claimed the circle for the awards and took a moment to remind himself of this. MRS HEAD was duly congratulated on 800 runs, DREGGS on 50 and finally MINELESS was presented with his 100 run survivor shirt which had been knocking about for years (and was now yellowing through fabric fatigue) as he is a rare visitor these days.

On completion of the awards the GM called W-KW back to circle to enquire as to his hairstyle (or lack thereof) which is a bit rich coming from the only bloke still sporting 1990s blond highlights. W-KW clearly doesn't prioritise his haircut and that's good with me.

After a brief investigation resulting from an incident on last week's run it was established that UNSTABLE LOAD was deserving of Hash Trash for painting a rock as part of his trail markings and spent the rest of the proceedings with the mandatory toilet seat hanging around his neck.

Much to the delight of the circle (he says modestly), proceedings were handed over to THE WIZARD whose first duty was to recognise the efforts of BALL RINGER, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and DIRT LOONEY in ensuring that VV had a barbecue on which he could barbecue the barbecue (2 different nouns and an adjective I think), DIRT LOONEY being the first recipient of a new hash award, Hash Hero, which he proudly wore for the rest of the evening.

The Wanker of the Week was next to be decided and W-KW picked up the award for his impression of a pile of dirty laundry outside the on on bar last week, claims of a medical crisis being justifiably ignored. Bringing to mind the onset and the cessation of WWII (anniversaries on 1/9 and 2/9 respectively) permitted THE WIZARD to relate some mildly amusing stories about some of the protagonists, the 'roll over without a fight' Belgians and the 'got to the party late' Americans, both groups accepting the piss taking with good grace which is more than could be said for some of the Aussies who were again derided for their lack of sporting prowess these days.

Frantic signals from the GM encouraged TW to bring this section to a close as it was time for the Hares to sing us a song, which they did. Well, I say sing, if you were there, you can judge for yourself....and I say song..... sama sama, but they did something and that's what counts!

Within moments we were all back in the baht buses, in good spirits which were enhanced by the sudden onset of heavy rain just as we departed....the GM told me that he has that kind of influence 'with the man upstairs' and I for one believe him. Shame he couldn't have had a word and got the rain to stop before he had to alight the bus where his motorbike was parked, it was a full blown storm at this time, we were getting soaked inside the buses! Finally to Nicky's Bar, a quick soaking as we crossed the empty street, for further fun, food and drink. As usual our hosts looked after us better than we deserve supplying delicious food and a welcoming atmosphere. Thank you Dave and Debbie.

Thanks to everyone who came along and made it another memorable hash. See you all soon. On On.

On-On!  The Wizard

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