A shady A site under the trees, with plenty of parking, and extremely well sign posted. Good to see that the old dirt track has now been TarMacAdam’d , to give that old Scottish engineer his due. First circle was called and the run number announced by the GM, who gave the assembly a few rules, and the usual boring shit about rubbish bins and disposal. A generous show of hands for the free tucker and cheap drinks supplied by the Buffalo Bar. Forty, believe it or not.
Five virgins were discovered, from as far afield as Holland, Slovenia, the US and two lovely girls from Thailand. SCAR W/2T'S gave them a welcoming rude note. Two sets of new shoe wearers were christened in the time honoured manner, ending with one soggy shoe each, smelling delicious.
STEPTOE generously donated a spare pen, as the scribe’s biro was on its last legs, like some of the runners would be later, but the loaned pen was promptly lost in the leaf mould underfoot. It slipped out of the envelope like a soft dick from a wet condom. A moment of silence was observed on SCAR's suggestion for a fellow hasher who recently passed away. This was VODKA SPLITE, from Norway. On On Brother!
Hares in the circle to give us some directions, and off we went, uphill at first. Much huffing and puffing until most of us began to find our wind. I decided to take the walkers trail, mainly due to my scribing duties, as I wanted to be on site before the pack started to arrive. Unfortunately a couple of front running bastards followed me, thinking I was on the runners trail. After nearly a kilo, we came across two of the lady hares, who quickly sorted us out, with the FRB extremely miffed at having to trot all the way back. That'll teach 'em to look for signs and paper and not just blindly follow someone else. However they can be forgiven as I actually ran along the walkers trail, in an unusual fit of energy.
Wonderful to see that DUCHESS TADPOLE had her usual bag of plastic waste she'd gathered up, despite her haring duties. A real hash heroine that girl.
Soon after I trotted into the A site, to find a really tasty nosh of Nachos and home made Salsa. Quite delicious, again full marks to the hares, GOLDEN RIVET's missus LOST CAUSE being the likely lass.
Shortly after, the first runner came hurtling in, SPEEDO PETE, I think, and we were able to dive into the beer supplies. VV had a nice selection of snacks on offer, the curry sandwiches being very popular, even though it did make a mess of a few shirt fronts. A super effort by the Hare team, I cannot recall a better organized day out, at all, at all. A great trail, and everybody got a good leg stretch, and a proper cardiac work out.
Tony TAMPAX quickly assumed his reclining position with his feet up. An expert at relaxing that man, might have been a lizard in a past life, while NO MORE CUM, chose to sit on the ice, looking extremely knackered.
A cozy circle was formed upon rude request from the GM, with VV trying to fob off a scruffy hat on PAT POM, which she refused, as it wasn’t hers, so VV was rightly given a cold seat for his mistake.
MENTAL DISORDER started the raffle, and as he couldn’t read the numbers without his glasses, foolishly asked REAL OLD to read the first winning number out, who also couldn’t read it! Some Mothers do have 'em!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle, and promptly iced the hares, and asked the question as to who had done the hard work, such as carrying the paper. LOST CAUSE was the likeliest person, but modestly wouldn’t confess to being the hero. It was assumed that GOLDEN RIVET was responsible for finding the A site, so full marks, and go to the top of the class, that person. Once again, a fucking great job by the Hares.
STUPID KRAUT KUNT was brought into the circle, superbly well pished, newly arrived from Berlin, and very wobbly. His buddy Daniel was iced for naming, and flashed his arse at TADPOLE, who wasn’t too impressed, that part of his body being quite red. She made the comment that his arse needed powdering. Wonder if she was volunteering? Anyway after much argument it was decided that his name should be SAUSAGE HEAD.
Steve, aka Richard was then iced, also for naming, and after much dickering and banter I suggested his name should be; TURN THE FUCKING METER ON. Him being a taxi driver, and after much noise this was agreed upon.
SCAR W/2T'S took the circle and invited in the Virgins, who were welcomed and told the few rules.
Our esteemed GM THE WIZARD then took over and iced myself and the wonderfully named HARBOUR WHORE, for both being birthday boys. STUPID KRAUT KUNT came back in and after some cuddling and back slapping was iced for being drunk. Then BEETROOT HEAD was iced for something to do with Blowjobs and Fish. I thought it better not to know the sordid details.
NO MORE CUM took the circle and sorted out a loads of people, but mainly the Scandi Hooligans, and quite right too. Then the one and only REDCOAT gave us a song called, “Chiang Mai Rose”, superbly unique and very witty.
Shortly after we performed the Hash Hymn, led by a strangely silent SPEEDO PETE. Then last drinks were called and we all tottered and wobbled off homeward. Hope you all made it safely! Apologies if I forgot anybody.
On-On! Barnacle Bollox
Total Hashers This Week - 101
Hashers Present Last Week - 69
2 Chris Brottveit; 3 Kamolwan Naen-udon; 2 Katya Suulkuuka; 3 Pai Thongthatavechok; 208 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 119 ANAL CHEESE; 104 ARSE VAN HOLE; 93 BEETROOT HEAD; 145 CAMEL HUMPER; 59 CANNONBALL; 114 CASPER; 247 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 11 CHIP CHIP; 140 DEL BOY; 132 DESERT SCORPION; 595 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1478 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 195 FLYING FINN; 30 FRENCH KISS; 721 G.I. JOE; 387 GANGREEN; 64 GING GANG GOOLIES; 181 GOLDEN RIVET; 48 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 149 HELIUM HEAD; 76 HOI WAN; 25 HURTS HER VAGINA; 72 IRREGULAR PERIOD; 55 JACK WOW; 252 KEE MAH; 521 LADY SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 434 LIBERACE; 149 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 1128 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 212 LOST CAUSE; 109 LOVE BOAT; 112 MAYO QUEEN; 251 MENTAL DISORDER; 16 MILKY WAY; 183 MISS USE ME; 271 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 253 NO MORE CUM; 11 PARISIAN TITI; 136 PHANTOM; 310 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 63 POLE FUCKER; 4 POSTMAN PAT; 182 REDCOAT; 5 SAUSAGE HEAD; 295 SCAR W/2TS; 55 SHE'S THE BOSS; 123 SIMONE EBOLA; 814 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 32 SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR; 153 SPECIAL PRICE; 46 SPEEDO PETE; 141 SPERM POLLUTER; 27 SPLINTER DICK; 220 STEPTOE; 248 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 495 TAMPAX; 133 THE WIZARD; 172 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 228 TOM BOY; 3 TURN THE FUCKING METER ON; 135 UNSTABLE LOAD; 421 VELCRO DICK; 902 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 423 WANK-KING'S WANKER;
Returners - 24
5 Gerry Danbrook; 4 Bryon De baets; 6 Pung Hornsey; 7 Mikel Hornsey; 3 Bill Mahkovtz; 3 Tonny Van der most; 97 BANANAS; 186 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 230 BILLION SUCKER; 180 BURL IVES; 59 FINGERLESS; 11 HAMBURG WHOREHOUSE; 101 HARBOR WHORE; 430 ODD-JOB; 121 RAT VON KIEL; 182 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 29 REAL OLD; 71 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 34 SMOKEY'S NANNY; 117 TELLY TUBBY; 24 TRAFALGAR; 236 TRY-A-FUCK; 20 VEE GO; 34 VIOS;
Visitors - 3
1 ELF - Hamersley Hash, Australia
14 PATPOM - Siam Sunday H3
14 SNAKE BITE - Siam Sunday H3
Virgins - 5
Marcel Blok; Ning Hornsey; Nick Hornsey; Thanrada Sangasia; Branko Seljak;
Leavers - 4
CANNONBALL; HELIUM HEAD; MENTAL DISORDER; SPECIAL PRICE;
Anniversaries - 1
GOLDEN RIVET was congratulated for 10 Hared Runs.
Hash Naming Events - 2
Daniel Eisenlauer was given the New Hash Name SAUSAGE HEAD.
Richard Jolliffe was given the New Hash Name TURN THE FUCKING METER ON.
Saints and Sinners - 1
FINGERLESS - Hash Trash - Lost his glasses on the trail.
Birthdays - 2
Happy Birthday BARNACLE BOLLOX - 27 February
Happy Birthday HARBOR WHORE - 4 March