A small group of hashers, the smallest this year at 53 sign ups, turned up at a new or rarely used A-Site out past the Phoenix Golf Club. The hares, PRINCESS BUM BOY, SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC and PINK DOLPHIN chose a good site and pleased everybody with the run which crossed a very different terrain from usual with lots of peaty, spongy land and plenty of grass with a lake thrown in for good measure.
The first runner back, SEAL SUCKER, came in with the slow walkers and everyone was happy with the amount of paper and checks. The run was about 7km and the walk 3.09km. I had another Thai lesson while walking with LOST CAUSE this time about the different meanings of muay and some other rude words which caused much hilarity amongst the Thai girls.
After plenty of time to cool down and get changed the GM, THE WIZARD called the second circle and put ATOMIC MUFF DIVER on the ice as recipient of Hash Trash last week and promptly handed it on to PRINCESS BUM BOY for leaving a pink stapler on trail. The hares were iced and hashers were asked what they thought of the run. Runners and Walkers alike were happy and thought the trail was flat, very scenic and well papered.
THE WIZARD was working overtime and held the raffle next. Winners were, MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY - vodka, BARNACLE BOLLOX - ladies perfume, b- electronic scales, WANK-KING’S WANKER - lunch box, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER - a soft toy dog, ARSE BANDIT - a pink lunch box and LOST CAUSE a bottle of pink bubbly.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD's turn and the hares were iced again and he thanked them for doing a great job but questioned the choice of A-site with so many coconut trees around the circle which could drop at any time and do great harm and also pointed out the little building in the distance which was part of a cemetery.
MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY was iced and asked about his preferences for girlfriends now that his girlfriend has left him. Seems he would like to be a monk and might have to be renamed, THE MONASTERY KNOWS I’M GAY. On a more sombre note EMPEROR AIRHEAD announced the passing of an ex hasher, Hans Haudsjordet, SQUARE HEAD, who did 63 runs with us and we all raised our glasses to him.
Now the part of the evening that everyone looks forward to, WANK-KING’S WANKER Awards. Thankfully tonight it was short and sweet with PRINCESS BUM BOY being congratulated for 5 hares and GANGREEN congratulated for 400 runs.
Time for the GM again and he iced SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR and thanked him and FRENCH KISS for doing such a grand job of taking over the Hash Rags. They have only been doing it for four months but have done so well that they turned up tonight in a brand new red car.
DIRT LOONEY was iced with his Wanker of the Week spoon but it wasn’t passed on so DIRT LOONEY has it still for showing us all up by training for the Pattaya Half Marathon.
ARSE BANDIT took the circle and put SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, GING GANG GOOLIES and WANK-KING’S WANKER on the ice to see if they could spot their favourite beer in a tasting competition. SRSB likes Chang, the cheapest beer, WW likes Leo and GGG likes San Miguel Light or Heineken, the most expensive. None of them could get it right but SRSB got 2 out of 4 right and GING GANG GOOLIES might as well drink the cheapest beer as he can’t taste the difference.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER took the circle and said he had nothing to say but the man can think quickly on his feet despite his age and came up with all sorts of stories and lies about hashers including CANNONBALL, ANTIQUE, ARSE BANDIT, MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY, BALL RINGER, PRINCESS BUM BOY and his wife JUNGLE MOTHER. He tried to revive an old hash trick of spinning the girls on the ice and KNICKERLESS was a willing volunteer but she spun off into the mud.
One wonders about the future of the hash with so many hashers over 70 now. I looked around the circle and there seemed to be about half the circle sitting and there will be more coming up in the near future.
Hashing doesn’t appeal to Millennials so one can only wonder about the future of hashing with an ageing hash population. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER did have one true story but couldn’t remember the right name but eventually he got it right and iced SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE for being the new sign up person.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER, ANTIQUE and BARNACLE BOLLOX sang the song for the hares, Oh I do like to be beside the seaside, complete with leg kicks, reliving their youth. Then it was the Hash Hymn led by PHANTOM, HARD ON, GOLDEN RIVET, SHE’S THE BOSS, ARSE BANDIT and ATOMIC MUFF DIVER.
The On On Bar was Tahitian Queen but there were not many takers surprisingly.
On-On! Sauce for the Goose