PH3 Run 1862 Scribe
Show Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
Welcome to run number 1862, the inaugural Slovenian Run. As the intrepid Hashers board the baht buses heading for location Soi Wat Yan, next to Lake Map Fap Thong 1, North Shore, fine weather forecasted the 40 minute run out to the A site was a pleasant one, that is of course until we hit the causeway leading to the A site. Full of dips and holes and craters it was a tricky 500m with many vehicles scraping their undercarriage. With many visitors in town heading up to Chiang Mai it promised to be an interesting afternoon.
Th GM calls the first circle and welcomes everyone to the PH3 run 1862, he introduced the hares for today who were SHE'S THE BOSS, HAPPY SURVIVOR, SINGING GRANNY, SAUSAGE HEAD, CAR LICKER, a bunch of Slovenians and a German geezer with a sausage on his head. The usual events took place, introduction of 3 virgins (all cracks), the christening of new shoes (2 Virgins), general announcements and protocols.
On in the hares to tell us about the run, the designated spokesperson, SHE'S THE BOSS informed everyone that the walk was around 4 km and the run 9 km for FRB's, and the paper starts over there....... and we're off.
The run started off well with the paper easily visible, a long first back check put the FRB's to the back of the pack but a long straight stretch got everyone back together. Confusion reigned at the next back check with everyone standing around for 5 minutes while it was solved. More confusion followed mainly because a certain Hasher didn't know the difference between a check and a back check. All this happened within the first 3 km and thankfully after that all was back to normal (almost), The rest of the trail was very good, a challenging run and the FRB's completing 9 kms in 1.20 hrs. Just about bang on.
So back at the lovely setting for the A Site the GM calls the second circle, and immediately ices ARSE-HOLEO and HUM YAI for Hash Trash - SHITHEAD provides a note to get them off the ice.
Next it's the turn for the Hares on the ice, several members of the circle were asked to provide their opinion of the run, with varied opinions offered the general consensus was that it was a good run, bearing in mind the lack of experience of the hares. The hares were also thanked for providing food on the day, well done.
After LOVE BOAT had been around to everyone selling tickets it was now time for the raffle, the usual array of expensive items were on offer. First number called, in steps LIBERACE to claim his prize, or maybe not, he produced the wrong number and the GM promptly iced him, change your glasses LIBERACE.
So we carry on - and the winners are SW/2T'S, TESTICLES, GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER, SINGING GRANNY, SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR, FERRY QUEEN, KNICKERLESS, DOG LICK'S ITS DICK and EMPEROR AIRHEAD. Thank you to all who participated in the raffle.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and tells everyone how FERRY QUEEN is the only guy here thats look comfortable with his prize of a Pink Elephant. The hares are iced and it's mentioned that today is Loy Krathong Day, a very special day here and the girls released their Krathongs onto the lake.
With 4 Slovenians and 1 Kraut, EA wanted to know who had done all the work, it appears that SHE'S THE BOSS was the brains of the outfit, although it ensued that the guys had laid the trail and the cracks were responsible for the food, good teamwork in my book. EA did mention the fact that ever since he has seen SAUSAGE HEAD's hairstyle, he has never eaten a sausage since. (Leally).
CANNONBALL is iced and there is a conversation regarding Donald Trump, impeachment and a whistle-blower. It appears there is a whistle-blower in our midst, but shall remain nameless, although at this time FERRY QUEEN and SPASTIC WHORE KING are put on the ice. Seemingly 'someone' had heard a story from SWK's wife regarding FERRY QUEEN being discovered by a fellow Hasher, face down in the gutter on 3rd road. The hasher helped FERRY QUEEN to his feet, removed the cash from his wallet and escorted him safely back to his hotel.
So now it's time to judge who made the best Krathong, the candidates are CASPER, BELL END, SCOOBY DOO and for some strange reason SAUSAGE HEAD, who is apparently a man. With the competition so tough, or the fact that EA couldn't be arsed, the competition was declared a draw, meaning they all get to share 6 Kamikaze cocktails in the TQ.
The virgins are asked to join EA in the circle to introduce themselves etc. However, this turned out to be a non event because only one of them spoke English and the other 2 were either overwhelmed and starstruck or just not interested.
GM has the circle back and promptly invites WANK-KING'S WANKER to give out any awards. One recipient this week and SHE'S THE BOSS has 5 hared runs.
GM has the circle and invites NO MORE CUM to take over, he immediately gets the hump because his circle is full of trash buckets and 'gently' discards them. He then proceeds to put ARSE BANDIT in the bucket, ARSE-HOLEO and KNICKERLESS are iced along with MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I'M GAY, and just for good measure LORD CHICKEN FUCKER ends up in the bucket. The upshot of it all is that the girlfriends of the hashers have been taking far too much care of them in one aspect or another, "work it out".
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER informs NO MORE CUM that the next time he stays at his house, he's going to piss in his bed for putting him in the bucket. The offenders are released from the ice and the bucket, however, ARSE BANDIT's joy didn't last long as he was put straight back in. The next candidates for the cold seats are GI JOE, Anna from Poland, LOVE BOAT and CIA. NMC explains about the PH3 being 35 years old and that FLAKEY, one of the original hasher went off the Spain and formed the Mijas H3, who celebrated their 30th anniversary earlier this year and NMC, LOVE BOAT and CIA were all in attendance at our sister hash.
GI JOE instructs everyone in how to call ON ON, as opposed to AFP, who apparently sounds more like a howling pussy. At this stage NMC takes it upon himself to name the current love of his life AFP, she is from Warsaw, which is in Poland for the geographically challenged amongst you, and because all she does is ask for more, he names her, WORE-SORE-MORE.
GM returns to the circle and ices WHORE IN THE WINDOW - it's time for the Wanker of the Week Award, last weeks recipient FUCK OFF is absent but he gave the spoon back to the GM, two other candidates were iced, SEAL SUCKER and ARSE-HOLEO just to make it interesting. So now we find out who the culprit was for calling back check when it was a check, the GM asks the crowd to vote individually with their voice and overwhelmingly WHORE IN THE WINDOW gets the vote.
After a long absence from the PH3, the GM gives the circle to SW2T'S who immediately ices TESTICLES for telling him the story about his ex girlfriend giving blow jobs to another guy but not giving TESTICLES the proceeds, it's a hard life indeed. UNSTABLE LOAD and SHITHEAD are put in the bucket for talking, whilst ARSE-HOLEO is iced because he needs Kamagra Gels for breakfast in order to satisfy his girlfriend who is considerably younger than him.
GM asks the hares to sing their song which they do, it turns out to be a hash version of Queen's - "We are the Champions". It turned out to be a good song but would have been better without circle participation as they destroyed it completely.
It's the final down downs, NMC, SW2T'S, BANANAS, BALL RINGER and BEN 10 to consume them and then lead the circle in the Hash Hymn.
Another excellent days hashing draws to an end, kudos to all in attendance. On On to the Hash Bar Nicky's for more beer and another excellent free feed.
On-On! Sperm Polluter