PH3 Run 1881 Scribe
Show Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
Tis with sadness that I compose this last scribe report for the forthcoming future, you are aware of the reasons why. Hence I will not go into the detail and will keep the scribe report brief until such time we can return to normal and enjoy our beloved Hash again.
Well, how to start? We arrived at the A site completely surrounded by hills, and with the main hare Unstable Load setting the trail we knew what we were in for.
The A site was kind of long and narrow and with 5 Bhat Buses and several hashers arriving under their own, steam parking was a challenge. But no such challenge to our resident car park attendant Lost Cause, who marshalled everyone into position with her usual precise and fastidious car parking skills. Arriving early, Casper with the aid of Lost Cause guided me into the perfect space to get pole position away from the A site later. However, it appeared that the sign up table was so far away, the run would probably be shorter than the walk to sign up.
So the GM (The Wizard) calls for the first circle and the usual protocols follow, general info regarding PH3, recycling, beer rules and introduction of Virgins, christening of new shoes and finally the Hares, who were VV, Unstable Load, Two Time and Ninja Princess to provide the trail information, 9km run and 6km walk, "lealy", are you "shuay".
So off we went full of anticipation and trepidation, the heat almost unbearable or was it CV - 19?. As expected after 800m or so we made dreaded right hand turn and headed for them there hills. No gentle elevation to break us in steady but instant vertical ascent, it was the shape of thing to come. Suffice to say it was a challenge, and sometimes perilous adventure with hidden traps such as vines and rocks and leaves and of course don't forget the red ants.......despite the elevation the FRB's were giving it their best shot after having negotiated one of the most difficult challenges in getting around Belly Dancer and Crap Thai from Chiang Mai.
The walkers trails was a couple of kilometres shorter but by no means easier as they expressed their opinion back at the A Site. The Beer Hunters had the right idea..........sod the run lets go drink beer.
Burl Ives, one of our more senior and experienced hashers, and having undergone one of Unstable Load's trails before, made a wise decision to remain at the A Site. Unfortunately Pole Fucker another one of our seasoned hashers arrived late and decided to venture out on the walkers trail alone. A couple of hours later, in the dark, a team of rescue hashers armed with torches had to go out and rescue him [not the first time I might add].
So the GM calls the second circle, not too many people paying attention at the first call, however with the threat of the ice bucket looming everyone falls silent for the GM. Time for the run opinion, so the hares are iced in true PH3 fashion, as usual there are a number of mixed reviews and despite 275m of elevation it was generally assessed as a good run, all credit the the hares as they put a lot of effort into the PH3 week in week out.
Raffle time conducted by Hard On and many thanks to Chip Chip and the GM for being instrumental in making the raffle a success every week. As usual the table is full of expensive gifts awaiting the lucky winners.
And the winners are........? Actually I have no idea because I wasn't paying attention because I completely forgot I was the scribe, so I'm making this up as I go along.
Time for Hash Crash/Trash.......She's The Boss is iced for trying to distract the GM's thought process. (not too much of a challenge to be fair). Due to the nature of the run, there was no Hash Crash because most hashers spent most of the time on their arse sliding down the hills and tripping over vines etc. Hash Trash awards went to Mr Bean, Dirt Looney and Madame Sin.
The circle is handed over to Emperor Airhead who immediately puts Stupid Kraut Cunt on the ice, for the life of me I can't remember why, but as we all know I'm sure he deserved it. The hares are iced and as usual EA applauds their efforts and rewards them with much praise.
Scar W/2T's takes the circle and immediately puts the hares back on ice, with his usual sense of non PC he chastises Unstable Load for trying to kill all the Hashers. Harsh but fair IMHO.
No More Cum takes over, he's "German" you know and because there was an abundance of Germans there he iced them all. Now we all know that Germans have no sense of humour, but they are good at making shit such as BMW's, Audi's, Sauerkraut and above all the famous Bratwurst. suffice to say it was probably a positive icing......Vorsprung durch Technik
Belly Dancer takes over the circle and quite rightly puts Crap Thai in bucket for cancelling the CH3 (male) Outstation Run along with other Chiang Mai visitors.
Knickerless is becoming more and more annoying and extremely loud, Chang will do that to you. Phantom expresses his displeasure by saying "Shut the fuck up" which seemed to work, at least for a minute or two.
With the circle back in the safe hands of the GM the crowd are getting rowdy and unruly, the usual suspects are spending copious amounts of time in the bucket, SKC, Ferry Queen and WKW being the main culprits.
The GM hands the circle over to EA because someone is ready to be named, the recipient (who is none other than the Brother in Law of the GM) is iced. Mark Harries background check reveals that amongst other things he was an armed guard assigned to the Royal Family no less (apparently). In other words, just a plod with a machine gun. Now one of his duties was to seek out "ladies of the night" for certain members of the Royal Family (apparently), not my words by the way, just hear say. A number of names were banded about, but one had the attention of the circle and proved to be most popular, so Mr Mark was named Royal Fluffer..........(google Fluffer for further reference)
We call on the hares to sing us a song.....
It's well know that these particular hares have many talents but singing a song is not on the list, so they enlisted the talents of yours truly.....to perform a Covid - 19 version of 'I Will Survive' by Gloria Gaynor.
"Oh no not I, I won't panic buy, as long as I have alcohol I know I will survive, hey hey" etc etc.
It's the time of the night when most of the beers are gone and it's time for the Hash Hymn.........Swing Low Sweet Chariot.
Until Next Time.......
On-On! Sperm Polluter