Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1905 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Burl Ives

The last Monday before Christmas, no it’s not, must be the Belgerians run.

Belgium, a country in Western Europe, known for medieval towns (such as Brugge & Gent), Renaissance architecture and as headquarters of the European Union and NATO. The country has 3 distinctive regions: Dutch-speaking Flanders to the north, French-speaking Wallonia to the south and a German-speaking community to the east. Talk about confused, they are so confused they’ve even got the German flag sideways! In the 80’s I used to fly around Europe visiting factories to help improve their process efficiency and I dreaded when they booked me on the national carrier Sabena (Such A Bad Experience Never Again). Needless to say, they went bust.

Belgium is famous for Beer, they rival their German neighbours in producing some of the best beers in the world, many originating from monasteries, hence names like Trappist. Fortunately one of their countrymen is brew master at Lao Brewery, hence the wonderful selection of beers we had last week courtesy of G.I.Joe

Sorry I’m babbling, back to the run. First things first, the run site, same as last week, how can you improve on perfection? The signs, no need to look for them as we knew where we were going. Parking: easy, “A” site surface: flat and free from trip me up bindweed and pot holes. So, what could possibly go wrong?

Ah, the hares? Yuup, it takes 6 Belgians to make a fuck up, starring VV (what no water?), Unstable Load (Reggie van FuckUp),  Arse van Hole (Mine’s a Burger), Mayo Queen (catch me if you can), Smoky Trucky Fucky (Don’t ride with me) and Street Cleaner (lost on trail again), so 2 Waloons and 4 Vlams.

60 runners turned out, (poor show due to rains at 1400h in downtown Pattaya,) with one long term returnee, Scar WTT (SWTT) completely Covid free after completing quarantine for 16 days (no that’s not a typo: day 1 is day zero and you have to spend 15 nights) in the paid prison hotel .

Back to the run: the explanation from the hares: hanging or tied long streaky paper, checks in red, backchecks in yellow, walkers go left then straight, walk 1 hour, run 1 hour. Very economical with info today, me thinks!

So off we went through many fields of Cassava (or tapioca as some call it). My Ugandan Asian mate says it is a delicacy in Uganda and he searches it out fresh here in the farmers markets. Most people don’t really enjoy walking round Casava fields, but in this area, there is not much choice. The split came and went and then we went through a coconut forest and the trail disappeared. I was bringing up the rear as usual and saw the walkers charging off a long way to the right then abruptly turning back, so I trotted off to the left, found a nice contour path around the mountain, but no paper. Eventually I came across a Red R & Blue W pointing in the direction from which I had just come, so went down the R path the wrong way, which was obviously from last week’s run. After a while trotting along a nice shaded forest trail I came across two yellow parallel sticks, then some paper, then later on 2 more parallel yellow sticks. Checking the GPS I spotted a trail home and completed 4km retracing last week’s walkers’ trail. Coming round a corner after an ”On In”, to be greeted by the sexy six all dressed up in Belgian flag coloured attire complete with skirts & blonde wigs. I informed them that I thought the walkers were lost on trail only to be told I had shortcutted and how could they be lost?? (Question to self: How can you short cut if there are no markings??). So after an hour and 10’ I was first back!

The runners came in and claimed the 7km mountain goat trail was tough, going up and down very steep dangerous hills, as did Lord Chicken Fucker (LCF), who lost the walker’s trail and ended up with the runners. (Well done mate). Just as everyone was imbibing their first can of amber nectar and the food the hares kindly provided, the rains came and put a damper on things.

Eventually the GM got the circle going with comments on the run ranging from camouflaged paper to grass coloured or no sticks, beautiful scenery from the top, great shiggy, everything different. Velcro Dick got so lost he did the runners mountain climb and looked a decided shade of red in the face.

The raffle followed with kind donations of wine from G I Joe, shirt and scarf from VV and the usual ecstatic screaming from the ladies as they nearly won a prize. Highlight of the night was that Knickerless did not win a prize so Phantom will have to buy the plonk this week!

Awards were presented by Sperm Polluter, rather efficiently, for a change, (since WKW spat the dummy over no smoking on the baht bus allegedly and didn’t turn up) as follows: Pussy Snatcher 100 runs, Spastic Whore King 50 runs, French Kiss 100 runs, Ging Gang Goolies (GGG) 100 runs (with his own design for the shirt), Sperm Polluter 200 runs, Phantom 200 runs (sign ups??), Telly Tubby 10 hares and finally Lost Cause 20 hares.

LCF got a plaque for completing 1200 runs, is he now “Lord of the Runs” & the GM welcomed SWTT back from Quarantine in BKK while Bel was in Q in Pattaya.

RA: SWTT (Sargeant Shutup), resplendent in new Hmong top hat and Rastafarian dreadlocks, then took the circle and punished everyone who was talking (question to self: isn’t the hash supposed to be a social thing where the RA lives off banter from the circle participants). Seemingly GGG was on the news in Norway for lining up for free food during the lockdown in Pattaya, (shame on you).

GM returned saying SWTT is such a bastard in the circle it makes him look good!

WOFW spoon went to Seal Sucker again for still not breaking any checks, despite them being camouflaged.

LCF took the circle and talked about his early runs and got the Belgian hares to do a dance since they were all dressed up like girls. He then explained why his 3 kids are taller than him as he made them stand in a bowl of water every night to encourage their shooting pains. Finally, he disclosed he had the police at his door after a hit and run accident, which he did not report, so ended up with a 500в fine

LCF sang the hares song “you can be gay” to the tune of Que Sera

And so it was, another great night in the Tropics.

Note for next MMM: The scribe needs a waterproof pen.


On-On!  Burl Ives

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