Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1909 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Burl Ives


Nearest Monday to Valentines Day, after a lock out for a month and it’s good to be back. Did you say Valentines day? Yes? Well look, we’ve got 45 ladies here today, must have heard about some romantic surprise waiting for them, without them having to plead or remind someone for a change! Our generous German friend, SKC (Kai to his friends), brought his harem of 9 beauties from Soi #19 bar, nr Soi Buakhao, to keep him company again and swell the numbers.

The run site was the beautiful, but abandoned “Brothel on the Hill” (aka Asian University) a privately owned international university located on the eastern seaboard, established with strong academic support from Imperial College, London, who first opened their doors for students in 1998. Asian University offered a high quality education where international lecturers interacted in relatively small and challenging classes in English and students were encouraged to think critically; analyze problems and have the confidence to compare and contrast different approaches to learning.

“From August 2015 – the beginning of the new academic year in Thailand, Asian University would reposition itself to focus on the fields of service science and innovation, offering new courses to both full-time students as well as working professionals, locally and nationally through distance learning. Further to the undergraduate programs, the university would also serve as a centre of excellence in English language training and educational technology and a second to none innovative research centre providing consultancy services to local and national industry.”

Needles to say it was so successful, the operation was terminated in 2017, and since then has been used many times (especially during the Reign of the pervert Mentally Disordered) for pleasant runs in open countryside and today was no exception. The hares, as featured in January’s calendar page, were James Bond (Sperm Polluter and Pussy Galore (Casper), although the later was responsible for doing the Recce and leading Mr Bond around to hang the paper and set the checks etc.

The grand circle of 95 hashers, were briefed and then off they went. There was a split after 800m and the runners did a loop over the only obvious hill re-joining the walkers later who enjoyed a gentle stroll through fields of casava and pineapple. The trail was predominantly on firm farm tracks with the odd bit of soft sand and minor gullies between the fields, the walkers clocked in at 4.3km and the runner just less than 8km. All were slightly puffed by the humidity and lack of a breeze, ambient temperature being ca 30°C, (86°F to those of you using old money!), giving them a good excuse to down the amber nectar, on their return.

The second circle generally praised the hares for an excellent A- site and a well papered run, however a noisy Wank (Gutter Guzzler) complained about no beer stop on the trail. Mr Bean chastised the hares for no burning stubble, no creeks to cross, barbed wire or brambles or thorns to get entangled in.

The GM took the circle to punish the Angeles H3 visitor Sunshine with the Hash Crash Award for being unable to run and talk. Burl Ives (i.e. me) lost his walking stick so gained the Hash Trash Hat. Then there was the Waffle, with the usual delectable range of prizes, winners and losers (who could not read their number or brought ancillary gear into the circle, punishable, of course with a cold bum).

Scar’s husband Belle Star, as announced by Mr Bond, gained a 5 Hare Award. Then came the romantic moment the ladies were all waiting for, so they trotted in to receive 25 roses from their gallant beau who ”took a knee“ to present the rose like a dog, in the mouth, (woof woof!), fortunately the ladies from the third circle were too busy troughing to miss the fun , so the roses were sufficient.

Belle Star’s Bully Boy wife then took the circle to shame a Dutch virgin for not having a shirt, then to explain to Gutter Guzzler, that this is a family Hash, (do families sit on blocks of ice? maybe they do in Norway and within the Artic Circle, but not in the more moderate climates of the civilised world) so no beer stop half way round! She then asked SKC’s ”harem” in to welcome them back and named the Mamasan “Rose in Chains” and her cohort “Sexy Taxi”. Various tricks were then played on the hares in the Bucket.

The GM returned to award Knickerless the Wanker of the Year award plaque which she unanimously won on the last outing before the lock down. James Bond then received his birthday cake Bam Bam style (ie 2 eggs, milk, flour and sugar dumped on his head) for his upcoming 60th birthday, which he took on the chin, being a good sort, unlike the infamous Bam Bam, who could give it, but not take it! The Girls then gave him a real Birthday cake.

GM produced the Wanker of The Week Spoon and invited Mr Bean (for doing the NOSH Trails consistently backwards), Seal Sucker for inventing his own Winner Of The Week Award (and leaving it at home) and finally himself for losing the MMM minutes. By popular vote Mr Bean won it again.

Burl Ives took the circle to ice the English for playing such bad Rugby, that they lost to Scotland…first time in Donkey’s Yonks. LCF was having a bad dose of Demetia so iced himself. The hares forgot about the hare’s song, so LCF returned with a parody of Cliff Richard’s hit “The Bum Ones”, followed by the Final Down Down & Swing Lo, that lovely old slavery song.

And so it was…On On Burl Ives

Note to MMM, the pen did run out, but Dirt Looney came to the rescue from his infamous back pack of emergency supplies and supplied another!

On-On!  Burl Ives


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