Pattaya H3

PH3 Run 1912 Scribe

Show Scribe Report by Burl Ives

The Hash originated in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, in 1938. Today it counts more than 120 chapters, located all over the world: in the Americas, Europe, the Far East and Africa. Asia, however, still has the most chapters.

The founder of the Hash, as is commonly accepted, was a Scot, G.S. Gispert, who was a member of the famous Sports Club of Kuala Lumpur, Selangor. On a Monday, after a wild party, Gispert decided to rid himself of the excesses of the weekend and to sweat it all out by running through the padang (fields). He started to make it a habit and soon others joined him.

But, as life has it, not much was left over from his good intentions (to rid himself of excesses, if you remember!). At the end of the padang there was a petite Chinese restaurant, known as the "Hash House". The owner of the restaurant developed the habit of awaiting Gispert and the thirsty hashers with a nice cold beer at the end of the "run". Keeping it to just only one beer was a tough job and soon a second nice cold beer was awaiting to be consumed... More and more hashers joined the "run". By this time every Monday was baptised as the hash day.

The clever Chinese restaurant owner did not want to lose his clientele and followed the group with his truck full of cold beer at the finish, to accommodate all those thirsty hashers. The name "Hash House Harriers" thus was born and has remained.

So for those of you, new to hashing, that was the history, (more at a later date). Now we know the origin, can we rationalise what happened on Run 1912? 1912 was famous for one enormous disaster, the sinking of the Titanic, so was this an ominous sign? Let's look at the hares to see if we can detect any possibility. Lead hare Wing Commander of the Belgian Paratroopers “Reggie van Fuckup” and his bagman STF(Shut the Fuckup) ably assisted by Arse van Hole (Mines a Burger) and Princess Ninja. However, the latter was nowhere to be seen as she was starring in some photogenic event at her school. AvH did not inspire much confidence either as a hare, as he got lost on his way to the A-site! So we were left with RvF & STF.

Now let’s see if I can remember anything about previous runs by these prodigious hares. One run was set in the mountains and the walkers followed the same trail up the mountain, fortunately the runners caught up with the walkers to help those of us handicapped with old age,plus poor fitness and agility to complete the assault course. Another run was set through gently rolling cassava and pineapple fields for 3.5 km then right at the end we descended into a deep gully and had to mountain climb up a dried river bed over green slimy rocks, visions of broken tibia & fibula bursting through our shins haunted all of us. Then one Monday we travelled down to Bang Saray to do an urban run. The hares told us the walk was 4km and the run 7-8km. 6.5km into the walk my GPS said there was another 500m to go to get back to the A-site. When my wife challenged Mrs AvF later, she said “if we told you the walk was 7km you would never have done it!”

So as you can gather there were some feelings of trepidation for another RvF run. The A-site was magnificent; a big wide open space with easy road access (if you came the recommended way) and plenty of easy parking, plus splendid mountainous scenery all around (Does that sound ominous? Wait for it) So the GM called the first circle and the hares described the run, walker’s trail: 4km, runner’s: 7-8km., split after 3.5km(?) and then off they all went straight up a steep slope and round a corner into the open field along the side of the forest. (STF warned us about a very steep mountain trail and told us to stick to the edge of the forest) So accompanied by a group of about 10 ladies and one or 2 wimps, Burl Ives’ Guided Tours (BIGT) set off. Whoops thought I’d switched my GPS on, but after the first km around the bottom edge of the forest discovered it wasn’t on. Major panic, but then Polefucker had a GPS working so I switched to Google Maps and could spot a nice easy road trail around the mountain.

After a further 2 km we heard screams of On On coming from the bushes on the mountain side, but saw no paper or hashers. Then my phone started to play up and only offered me trails from my home to the A-site, nothing local. So persevered with the phone, doing the usual reboot, map came back and we successfully completed 4km safely after one or two ups and downs on rolling hills.

Our BIGT group got back after all the others only to find the real walker’s trail was 1.9km and the runner’s was about 3km, but none of it was flat. As expected RvF had set another paratrooper assault course straight up a very steep and slippery rock trail, with both the runners and walker on the same treacherous path! Up and Up it went and Down and up it went and then down and down, even slippier than going up. The split was 150m from the end of the trail. Time for a beer, a sandwich, a cool down and a seat if you had one.

GM called the second circle with Jackal awarded Hash Crash, just for a change. The circle then commented on the run, with the usual, “not enough hills”, “beautiful scenery”, “quality rather than quantity”, “everyone chasing Happy Survivor's ass” to “as usual RvF’s run brief contained not one word of truth” I was also picked upon for ordering a Grab taxi, which I was unaware of, but was a result of the problems I had on the run with my phone.(Commonly known as a handbag/pocket call).
The highlight of the Waffle was a bottle of wine kindly donated by GI Joe, which SMT won last week and it was such good wine Joe decided to recycle it.

SWTT took the circle and someone must have slipped a Micky in his beer as he was quiet and subdued, welcoming 4 Virgins and explaining about their Mother Hash, however 2 were detained and iced along with their sponsor for not wearing a hash shirt. Excuse was they were told they had to BUY a hash shirt, which they did.
The Beer Hunters were next and praised for choosing not to do the run, a wise decision! Unconcious Masterbater was punished for sitting in the cicle. Hard On for rule 6 violation pink shirt not returned and Dirt Looney for Dirt Road mischief

GM brough Jack Wow in for his 70th birthday. Then time for Wanker of the Week award (WOTW): Candidates- GGG,(stupid shirt), SWTT (60th birthday debauchery), Hard On (Rule 6). Winner by popular vote: SWTT.

Spermy then did the awards: Vios 50 runs & Pussy Snatcher 100 runs (over 10 years). The latter was then introduced & thanked by the GM as the new web master.

Back to the GM, Who cut the Cheese iced for just getting married along with some others. Finally Fuck Off praised for loosing 31kg on a magic diet (alllegedly HIV + Pattaya), followed by a very brief Hare Song (courtesy of an ACH3 hasher), the final down down & Swing Lo.

Tip: if you’re sick of Mosquitoes biting your ankles, spray or put anti-mut cream before you put your running socks on!

On-On!  Burl Ives

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