Scribe Report by Sir Free Willy
“The average American working man is two weeks pay check’s away from Skid Row” – John Steinbeck, 1935.
“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” – John Emerich Dalberg, 1882.
Socrates said, “Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.”
As today’s ( almost ) virgin hares ( if you include a third share hare with VV and TAMPAX for NN ) NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER & LINEAR ACCELERATOR had a combined age of 120 it was with some trepidation that I jumped in the jam-jar to head for today’s A-Site, The Queen Sirikit Conservation Park…. Otherwise known as the Aussie Run Site.
The previous week I had sought reassurance from our hares that they had been given the usual permission to use the Queens grounds and in true hare tradition the aging septic tanks assured me that EMPEROR AIRHEAD had arranged everything……………..
Upon arrival the spot normally used had already been commandeered for the upcoming King’s Birthday celebrations so the standby soft ground A-Site a few metres away was hastily substituted with SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD gainfully employed directing the traffic.
After last weeks higher than normal numbers for the Live Hare run it was back to normality with plus 60 signs-ups for a projected run around the hills…..Or not as is the hares whim. That is the beauty of the Hash…The Hash is like a box of chocolates….You never know what you are going to get…..except sticky fingers maybe.
Circle called and new shoes blessed and off into the now very familiar abyss traipsed the motley. As I myself had hared last weeks near nine kilometre Live Hare Run as well as participating in another substantial jaunt in the week a quick wobble to the first check was enough for me for the day. It was good to see however almost all of the runners actually leave the A-Site and make some sort of semblance of effort relating to exercise.
SMC was the first noticeable returnee…noticeable because of his increasing girth maybe (I cannot stand it when man lets himself go), bellyaching (lets face it there is enough of it these days) about Hash Shit for the hares. Luckily NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER had laid on a few on-site barbequed burgers to smooth any mither so most evidence of often present malcontent old gits whining about long runs etc. was happily concealed.
Prior to the circle WANK-KING’S WANKER asks me to scribe which caught me without paper or pen. Solomon Tauber, a survivor of Auschwitz wrote the diary of his experiences on his legs for the duration of his incarceration in the death camp. That’s a bit much even for a dedicated member of the hashing community such as your scribe so not having any notebook to hand at the time of being asked I will recant what I can remember and leave the rest to artistic license.
Circle called and our illustrious GM SCAR WITH 2 T’S ices the dynamic duo to talk about today’s inaugural effort. Two checks placed too close apart was the main gripe but if that remains the worst of their sins we are all in for a fruitful time with these two.
Raffle conducted by SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT. No microwaves and CD players as when your scribe was raffle master but that’s the price of an efficiently run hash I suppose..
WANK-KING’S WANKER takes the circle for the stats report. In the words of Sir Winston Churchill, ” There are lies,damned lies and statistics”. While we struggling for his north and south to link up with his bacon I rejected a more contentious PH3 statistic related remark and not wishing to upset the status quo simply barked to the memory lacking RA “Your I.Q. is 4… that is a statistic”.
That got me a seat in the bucket and something wet and slippery up my arse…. Not for the first time as I recall. WW finally remembers why he is in the circle……..It was because SFW was falsely incarcerated eighteen months ago… A butterfly flaps its wings in the high court in London and caused a tidal wave on the PH3.
Most of the Anniversary recipients had long departed which does beggar the point… If people cannot be bothered with staying for the circle why bother dispensing diminishing PH3 funds on awards they clearly are not fazed with receiving anyway?
MENTAL DISORDER ices SW2T to take the circle to talk about events on another hash.
1st Commandment: Thou shalt not worship any graven image than mine. Here endth the lesson.
In the absence of EMPEROR AIRHEAD, CABBAGE HEAD takes over as bad RA to ice the hares and draws attention the aforementioned closely laid checks. GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and SRSB are put on ice and the assembled hashers all look to the sky for crashing helicopters… I forget what they were on the ice for in the first place…. Who has the biggest chopper maybe.
Virgins and Visitors dealt with by the GM.
SFW is then giving the wet deaf and dumb treatment for last weeks Live Hare. CH falsely claiming that SFW (who has been listening to false claims concerning his deeds for the last 18 months so what is new already) laid the paper on a motor bike. I will say now with my hand on a stack of Korans that I laid last weeks paper the way I live my life…. Straight and Narrow and True and with Christian Diligence. To quote Javare, “Honest Work and Just Reward..That’s the way to please the Lord”….. including last Monday lots of paper hanging!!!
I must pass on a reflection here on the circle conduct of the two hares. When SFW is haring I am flying… I want everything to go well which of course it usually does and can at times get worked up with anyone in my way. LINEAR ACCELERATOR was the personification of American cool. Lay back with a beer in his hand casually handing the down-downs to his boson buddy NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER.
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER on the other hand was the personification of the brow beaten coolie. Mincing between the down-down table and the ice occupants along the lines of “You likeee down-downee”… I thought for a minute he was going to do their laundry!!!
It is also noted that possibly for a first time we have trio of hasher’s going by the respective names of WANK-KING’S WANKER, WANKING and WANKER….Any offers for a better set of triplets.?.
Being this weeks scribe SFW has to keep on the ridiculous practice of choosing a scribe for next week. An array of people who have either or who are representative of individuals who have pissed him in the last year or more including FESTERING STREAKER, HULK, WANKING and SEAL SUCKER were suitably iced while the assembled were informed there was to be a virgin scribe for Run 1553 in the name of BIGGUS DICKUS….Good Luck old man.
The hares have no song as was expected, so not for the first time the English come to the rescue of the Old Colonials and STEPTOE provides the entertainments while the two geriatrics languish on the ice. But all in all a good effort from the hares and just about a good circle squeezed from the stayers.
On the subject of future runs after the Mismanagement announced it was reserving up to 90,000 Baht to finance the upcoming PH3 Anniversary Run. SIR FREE WILLY scribe has personally arranged one more for Santa Claus to make an appearance at this years Christmas Run on the 23rd of December. While on the dog and bone to Santa at Tuesday’s PH3 monthly meeting, St Nick did make the point to SFW that it was pointless him showing up if he had an empty sack.
So….SFW has persuaded the Mismanagement to finance both presents for the kids and also especially on Santa‘s behest presents for the cracks… There will also be the usual barrel of Christmas mulled wine produced by the hare SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT and all paid for by, well the paying sign-ups as it’s their money after all. So tell your friends and if like HORSE you do not have any import some.
Hash Hymn strangled then it is off to Secrets for the happy hour which I will assume in persona abstentia was the usual hearty fare.
If I have forgotten anyone my apologies.
Faces and Fannies I never forget but names are for tombstones.
On On! Sir Free Willy
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 65
49 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
180 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 439 BALL RINGER; 113 BENGT POTATO; 13 BIGGUS DICKUS; 171 CABBAGE HEAD; 265 CABBAGE QUEEN; 38 CAMEL HUMPER; 210 CRACK MY COCCYX; 102 CRAZY PUSSY; 36 DESERT SCORPION; 42 FREQUENT STREAKER; 475 G.I. JOE; 132 GANGREEN; 621 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 8 HAWKEYE; 135 HORSE; 11 JINGLE BALLS; 285 KARAMBA; 529 LADY FLIPPER; 35 LADY GAGA; 172 LIBERACE; 31 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 43 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 305 LONE WOLF; 101 MARATHON MAN; 61 MENTAL DISORDER; 581 MRS. HEAD; 35 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 235 PELER; 259 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 145 ROBBING BASTARD; 57 RUNNING BARE; 165 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 551 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 537 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 549 SIR FREE WILLY; 556 SIR MC; 556 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 722 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 72 SMELLY BASTARD; 298 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 119 STEPTOE; 260 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 258 SWEETIE; 272 TREE FROG; 656 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 2 WANKER; 22 WANKING; 155 WANK-KING’S WANKER
176 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 237 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 332 FESTERING STREAKER; 30 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 62 HULK; 11 RUNNING DEER; 158 SEAL SUCKER; 26 SIR WANDA; 31 SUZY WONG; 92 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 150 TRY-A-FUCK
3 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
3 CRAPPER – LA Union Hash, Philippines
3 G SPOT – LA Union Hash, Philippines
9 PAROU PAROU – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
TRY-A-FUCK – 150 Runs completed
TRY-A-FUCK – 6th December
SCAR WITH 2T’S