Scribe Report by General Kidney Wiper
Anarchy in the streets of Bangkok!!!
Chinese New Year!!!
No alcohol served because of the election!!!
Because it’s Monday and nothing stops the well-oiled machine of the Pattaya Hash.
No more “Black Pearl” bus. Not a problem, we just get baht buses. Or at least we do thanks to SQUEEZE MY TUBE and G.I. JOE. This actually is a lot harder than it sounds.
The A- site was off Highway 36 and was an enormous area, which had just been cleared of all its foliage, so parking was not a problem. Bit of a problem for the girls though, as there were no bushes for them to hide behind.
SCAR WITH TWO T’S rapidly got proceedings underway, dealing with new shoes and virgins.
He announced that this week’s Hash Meeting was only open to Mismanagement Members. This is a break from the usual format, as input has always been appreciated from anyone interested enough to attend. Hope we see the minutes for this meeting, as the minutes for January have still not been forthcoming (at least on the Web page).
MENTAL DISORDER informed us we needed hares for March. KEE MAH offered, but was told he was down as one already.
The hares VV, CHEAPER THAN MEME and TWO TIME then explained that the run had normal checks, was about seven kilometres long and we were off.
Meanwhile, that breakaway group of the Four Musketeers, in the guise of SIR SPAGETTIHEAD, SIR RSB, WANK-KING’S WANKER and myself, took an alternative route, which, just by luck, led to a bush bar. Where once again we solved the problems of the world, and discussed how good Russian girls looked sitting on the ice. When we decided to head back, luck would have it that we met some stragglers running on paper. We joined them and found most of the pack was back at the A-site.
Whereas it had been quite hot, when we first arrived at the A-site, it was now just perfect. It really had cooled down considerably.
Chef VV had set up his BBQ stall and seemed to be doing a roaring trade.
I proceeded to the beer truck and retrieved the clip board which is used by the scribe. My! we are making money. A new pen and four pieces of paper, instead of the usual no pen and one piece of paper.
When I was chatting to MARATHON MAN he commented “Oh you are the scribe!” To which SIR WANDA retorted “He was wondering what I was doing with the clip board!” I wasn’t doing portraits that’s for sure.
After a suitable cooling down period, the GM called the circle to order. The hares were duly iced and once again it was deemed a good run, which you would expect with VV’s experience. Seemingly, some paper had been tampered with, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT then conducted the raffle. This he did in three and a half languages, which could explain why two winning tickets were not claimed. Normally, I have been quite lucky, but it was not to be tonight. SIR WANDA was the first in and had no hesitation in heading to the prize table and grasping the bottle of vodka. There were other prizes and winners, but I remember a lecture of sorts about the raffle table. What is was about? You can only surmise and speculate.
LIBERACE was then presented with the 30th.Anniversary run group photo, which had been enlarged and framed. This was in appreciation of his continued efforts for the benefit of the hash. Well done. (This photo, without the frame, is available for 200 baht.) KEE MAH did ask if we could buy the jpeg file, but the GM said, “No!”
WANK-KING’S WANKER then took over the circle and dealt with the statistics etc. LADY BOW WOW was presented with her 500th Run chair, but SIR DOG did not look too happy, as all he has to sit on was a little wooden stool.
VELCRO DICK was presented with his 300th Run T-shirt, the material of which we were informed, came from the tent of a Sheik in Saudi Arabia.
DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES achieved 200 runs. Well done all.
Now here is where it starts to get a bit muddled in my head and the notes I made are completely undecipherable.
HORSE and CRAZY PUSSY were on ice because seemingly, there has been taking of too much Viagra. You think with a hash name of HORSE he might need a double dose. Mind you, with a name like CRAZY PUSSY you would think that there would be no complaining!!
REDCOAT then had the circle, icing the aforementioned Musketeers, for being wayward, while giving a great rendition of his classic “Boring Blowjobs.” When he was Master of Music, long time ago, we used to be serenaded with his dulcet tones and a new composition regularly.
GANGREEN, who is to the hash, as to what David Bailey is to the photographic world. But it seems last week, his efforts were more paparazzi than Ansel Adams, much to the chagrin of your scribe, who had some explaining to do to his better half. My explanation that the pictures had been doctored by GANGREEN using Photo-shop was met with skepticism and total disbelief. As a re-enactment was required, for those that had missed it the previous week, VELCRO DICK was brought in as a substitute for the infamous Natalie. I don’t think there were close up shots this week, but more of a wide angle lens range.
Then MENTAL DISORDER went for it, icing all the Americans and Canadians. This had something to do with the Super bowl and American football. Football is played with a round ball where I come from, so I have no idea about this game except it lasts for ages and Janet Jackson once flashed her breasts at half time. That part I do understand.
SIR FREE WILLY, who is usually more vocal, was subdued, but he did inform us of two things. One, next week is the St. Valentine’s Day Run, so bring plenty women. The second announcement was that when he was in the Bangkok Hilton, “There was no free sex when you were awake!”
There was a lot more that happened, I know, but have not got a clue.
The hares must have sung a song and there were more down downs. Sorry if I did not mention you.
Happy Hour was at the TQ and as usual I know they would have looked after us well.
I hope the other 82 runners had as good a time as I had today.
Another great Hash.
ON-ON ! General Kidney Wiper
Next week’s scribe is Mental Disorder
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 83
68 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
2 John Ashcroft, 11 Benjamin Carpenter, 2 Cape Hirving, 4 Annica Larsson, 5 Jim Reamer, 7 Keith Reid, 85 ANAL CHEESE, 447 BALL RINGER, 273 BELL END, 15BELL STAR, 120 BENGT POTATO, 164 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK, 165 BILLION SUCKER, 118 BLACK HOLE, 60 BLUE NOSE, 274 CABBAGE QUEEN, 47 CAMEL HUMPER, 184 CHEAP NORGY CUNT, 32 CHEAPER THAN MEME, 219 CRACK MY COCCYX, 45 CRIMSON PENIS, 45 DESERT SCORPION, 203 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES, 313 EXTRA TESTICLE, 101 FUZZY LURE, 483 G.I. JOE, 141 GANGREEN, 630 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, 84 HELIUM HEAD, 18 JINGLE BALLS, 178 KEE MAH, 537 LADY FLIPPER, 3 LEFT BEHIND, 181 LIBERACE, 39 LINEAR ACCELERATOR, 52 LITTLE WHITE DOVE, 312 LONE WOLF, 110 MARATHON MAN, 70 MENTAL DISORDER, 590 MRS. HEAD, 44 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, 59 PAPRIKA SMILEY, 267 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER, 57 POCAHONTAS, 49 RASPUTIN, 166 REDCOAT, 154 ROBBING BASTARD, 66 RUNNING BARE, 173 SCAR WITH TWO T’S, 73 SCARLET, 34 SEXY BUM, 560 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC, 545 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT, 557 SIR FREE WILLY, 565 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, 730 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD, 34 SIR WANDA, 202 SKIING FINN, 84 SPECIAL PRICE, 306 SQUEEZE MY TUBE, 127 STEPTOE, 267 SWEETIE, 97 TINY ANAL TORPEDO, 280 TREE FROG, 157 TRY-A-FUCK, 303 VELCRO DICK, 665 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR, 164 WANK-KING’S WANKER
15 BEETROOT HEAD, 108 CRAZY PUSSY, 245 EMPTY SPERMBANK, 38 GOLDEN WATERFALL, 141 HORSE, 502 LADY BOW WOW, 654 SIR DOG, 87 SLIPPERY ARSE, 412 SNOOPY, 267 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS, 127 TWO TIME
Uli von Berlin, Nithit Mangkhang
2 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
5 AXEL GREASE Cebu City H3, Philippines, 3 I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
LADY BOW WOW received her Sir’s Chair in recognition of 500 Runs
VELCRO DICK received his 300 Runs T-Shirt
DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES received his 200 Runs T-Shirt