Scribe Report by Sir Free Willy
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” – (Edmund Burke, 1778)
Monday the 14th of April and Thailand is in full swing celebrating the Thai New Year. Except that it the PH3 who have decided to cancel the annual Songklan Run after 30 years. Something to do with “Respecting the laws and customs of the Thai people” maybe.?. So, conspicuously missing from the A-Site were colourful shirts,chalky faces and possibly mercifully….water pistols.
The A-Site has some previous history for the scribe as it was here that COLONEL CORNHOLE and ARSEHOLEO laid a 14 kilometre run after the event was nearly cancelled. The A-Site approach was missing around 10 metres of road and COLONEL CORNHOLE in his infinite wisdom assumed the cars could sprout wings and fly across. Luckily the only member of the mismanagement to attend the day, SIR FREE WILLY, found a single track trail through the water and bushes and despite the insane run a good circle en-shewed for one of the lowest attendances of that year, 79.
Today’s hares,the wannabe German VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR and the “thinks he is a German” NO MORE CUM, knowing we wanted to use the A-Site again,arranged for a packed up bridge to be now in place allowing easy access to the A-Site. LIBERACE was one of the first to arrive immediately whining his discontent to VV concerning the lack of shade at the sprawling A-Site.
The attendant mushrooms are handed out a questionnaire with suggestions to improve the PH3 and ways to save money. It reminded me of General Oliver P. Smith’s Korean War retort, “Retreat, hell! We’re not retreating, we’re just advancing in a different direction”.
A healthy (for the silly season) 55 sign-ups gather around the hallowed beer truck as GM SCAR WITH 2 T’S calls the first circle.
SFW goes in suitably attired in some of his patriotic threads to remind everyone that next week is the annual St. Georges Day Run. This is the English national day and he further explains the A-Site will be decorated in the style of an English Street party with traditional English food washed down by English beers, “King Bod”, “Mothers Ruin” and the intriguing and mysterious “snakebite” and that all are welcome to share the day.
Hares on in to explain the run and it is off once more into the wild blue yonder.
As today’s scribe has laid several hares in the area a sort of short run/impromptu do it yourself trail was chosen returning to the A-Site around 30 minutes after exit. According to the valued opinion of CABBAGE HEAD who,being an Englishman, obviously spouts nothing but the truth,one false trail led up the dreaded “Smokey Mountain” obstacle but the main run was through the lower shiggy as well as a few soggy gully’s (the hares desperately trying to recreate the trench’s of Passchendaele perhaps) with some wet feet received after navigating a stream or two.
Winding down session and it’s time to put the world to rights around the beer truck prior to the second circle.
Said second circle called and the GM ices the hares as is the ancient custom. The assembled motley crew all agreed it was a typical German, Belgium, English run. Efficient and adequate if perhaps uneventful.
Raffle time and stand in raffle master SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT calls winning ticket numbers for W-KW, TADPOLE (welcome back Nuch), GASMAN, ATOMIC MUFF DIVER, KIDNEY BEAN, SQUEEZE MY TUBE, GANGREEN and WEE MOANING WEASEL.
There have been many pretenders,there have been many contenders but there is only one EMPEROR AIRHEAD. The doyen of the belittling one-liner immediately ices the hares accusing them of laying a gay sexy run concentrating more on oiling each other than on their hare duties.
GASMAN gets an outing and admits he travels the world internationally Hashing via an income derived from “Little Bits of Questionable Income”….. and thy and moi such good ockers!!!
ATOMIC MUFF DIVER (whom name SIR SPAG HEAD was unable to supply me with earlier in the circle) (As John Denver declared after he became famous, “Well they certainly know my name now “) was given the ice treatment along with WEE MOANING WEASEL, ANFI and SIR RSB for various misdemeanors.
WANK-KING’S WANKER takes the helm for the weekly stats report and shock shock horror for once we stayed awake. What is going on here.?. W-KW getting interesting. Surely not. NO MORE CUM is a leaver and announced he will be back in the Land of Smiles in October for long periods of duty after retiring from the Fire Brigade Service.
MRS HEAD is honoured for achieving 600 runs.This places here top of the lady runners…. Unless of course you include FOSSIL in the female gender in which case please do not stand behind me in the check out queue at Big C. Returners dealt with and it is time for an early hares song.
CABBAGE HEAD sings the old sea shanty “Bringing in the Rigging” ably supported by whoever could remember the words.
SCAR WITH 2 T’S gives soggy botty treatment to TURD BURGLAR and SHORT TIME along with attendant witness’s MENTAL DISORDER and MENSTRUAL DISORDER to request an explanation of their behaviour at last weeks happy hour.
Our illustrious GM then turns his attention to SSH and W-KW along with WEE MOANING WEASEL who forsook the run in favour of finding a watering hole to satisfy their alcoholic want.
CABBAGE HEAD ices ex-mariners SUB NORMAL and ATOMIC MUFF DIVER (three times we have mentioned him in this report so hopefully his name will now be remembered) for coming out of retirement to find the missing MH370 plane. Convicts, GASMAN and MENTAL DISORDER are punished for Australia‘s lack of sporting prowess but to keep order and English is needed with them so SFW joins them. To end his sketch CH ices G.I.JOE, I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE and GANGREEN.
SIR FREE WILLY puts the every popular Teutonic whipping boy STUPID KRAUT KUNT in the bucket for giving away last weeks raffle tickets to LADY FLIPPER. After winning a jar of sweets SKC promptly takes LADY FLIPPER‘s treasured prize away to take home with him…..even though our kraut tea-leaf admits he does not like them……it all go’s to prove an Englishwoman cannot trust a German!!! However the main point of SFW taking the circle is to choose the scribe for next weeks St.Georges Day Run.
It is noted that the omens are currently good.. SFW is still here.!!!…the white horse is being painted while we speak and an email from SIR MC confirms he will not be there next week….which at least means there will be some food and drink left 5 minutes after the runners leave. Next weeks co-hares TURD BURGLAR and ANFI are iced and declare they set the run their way and SFW sets it the correct way.
After much debate it is decided the already ice present CABBAGE HEAD will be the scribe for next weeks St.Georges Day Run on the 21st of April.
Hash Hymn strangled and it is off to the happy hour bar, M Club,for what I will assume in persona abstentia I will assume was the usual hearty end to the day.
If I have forgotten anyone’s name my apologies.
Faces and Fannies I never forget but names are for tombstones.
ON-ON ! Sir Free Willy
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 55
39 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
19 Benjamin Carpenter; 130 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 456 BALL RINGER; 281 BELL END; 182 CABBAGE HEAD; 94 CABBAGE PRINCESS; 284 CABBAGE QUEEN; 228 CRACK MY COCCYX; 211 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1259 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 492 G.I. JOE; 151 GANGREEN; 640 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 507 LADY BOW WOW; 547 LADY FLIPPER; 47 LADY GAGA; 190 LIBERACE; 320 LONE WOLF; 67 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 79 MENTAL DISORDER; 600 MRS. HEAD; 142 NO MORE CUM; 182 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 15 SHORT TIME; 555 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 660 SIR DOG; 567 SIR FREE WILLY; 575 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 739 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 417 SNOOPY; 313 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 277 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 188 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 277 SWEETIE; 422 TADPOLE; 159 TURD BURGLAR; 39 VASELINE THIGHS; 674 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 174 WANK-KING’S WANKER
125 BLACK HOLE; 28 DISGUSTING; 70 HULK; 128 KIDNEY BEAN; 94 KIDNEY STONE; 3 LIPOVITAMIN; 82 PUSSY SNATCHER; 38 SPANKINSTEIN; 37 SUZY WONG; 356 TAMPAX; 93 WEE MOANING WEASEL
5 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
9 GAS MAN – Chiang Mai Hash, Thailand
7 ATOMIC MUFF DIVER – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
6 I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 SUBNORMAL – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
11 ZENERGY – Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand
NO MORE CUM
MRS. HEAD was congratulated for her 600th Run