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Scribe Report by Kee Mah
Well the weather is starting to heat up here in March but luckily there is shade at the Soi 29 A-Site which was apparently discovered by EMPEROR AIRHEAD and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER back when they both had hair.
PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER and LADY GAGA iced because the lady was observed (and photographed) on last Monday’s run up in a tree stealing fruit. Given a stern tongue lashing by the GM.
The Hares, SIR FREE WILLY, TURD BURGLAR and PUSSY FUCKER put on what they called the East Enders Run which as far as I could tell involved speaking in some language that nobody else in the circle understood, like speaking in tongues or something. Being a well travelled Scribe, I had heard this language while working in Saudi Arabia, so was able to translate for the Americans and Aussies. No hope for the Scandis, French, Germans and FLYING FINN though. The only words clearly understood were “The paper starts over there”. TURD BURGLAR assures the group that the run is only 6 Km.
Good run with lots of long false trails for the FRB‘s to enjoy and for the rest of us to catch up. The Beer Waiters were ecstatic when KEE MAH sprinted home red in the face and covered in sweat only to be crushed when they found out he was a short cutting bastard and the real FRB‘s took another 45 minutes to arrive to relieve their thirsts. BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK, COMES WITH PRESSURE and BEETROOT HEAD were the first in as usual. Run was 10 Km.
After much conversation, drinking, washing, changing clothes, eating snacks and smoking funny cigarettes the new apprentice GM NO MORE CUM who seems to be doing an admirable job despite the insane rabble he has to deal with called the circle. Hares iced and on to the Raffle which included a pair of fake tits which GI JOE wanted for SQUEEZE MY TUBE but had to fight off SCAR W/2T’S for the prize. FLYING FINN finally won the option for the tits but took a carton of L&M’s instead and he doesn’t smoke. It was getting dark but I heard a tussle and thought I saw GI JOE and SCAR emerge with one tit each.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and you could tell he’d been waiting for his chance and immediately iced SCAR and FLYING FINN, accusing them of MAN LOVE. Of course this took everyone by surprise because it would mean that one of them would have to change sexual preference but as it turns out they were not engaging in MAN LOVE with each other, but in 2 separate instances had been observed in physical contact with Thai men, FLYING FINN sleeping with his head in the lap of the Baht Bus driver and SCAR groping the body of his motorcycle taxi driver. The circle groaned and got wider after these revelations, but after thinking about it a few minutes we all decided it was all right after all and came back in, and actually ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA and NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER were overheard trying to get the drivers phone numbers.
MENTAL DISORDER and MENSTRUAL DISORDER were iced for hashing in Ebola infested Africa but nobody was listening, we were all looking at MENSTRUAL’s tits. What the fuck kind of food do they eat over there to give you a 2 cup size increase?
SWEINHUND iced because nobody understood his name but apparently it was formerly KILL WILLY and everyone wanted it to be changed back.
SIR FREE WILLY given Hash Shit for allowing a virgin hare to spray paint the asphalt road.
REDCOAT sang us a lovely song about wearing no underwear in Camden Town, rumour has it that TURD BURGLAR won a raffle in a Katoy bar on Walking Street and got a free kiss. A sign of the future?
I’ve got more but can’t read it because the paper was wet and there were no beer truck lights. Alcohol may also have been involved.
Hares Song, Hash Hymn, and more beer. JACKAL heard humming the Hash Hymn on the way back to Pattaya on the baht bus.
ON-ON ! Kee Mah
Next week’s scribe is Mental Disorder.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 83
Hashers Present Last Week – 50
24 Jackson Shook; 4 Melissa Shook; 202 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 10 ANAL ROTATE HER LATER; 29 BEETROOT HEAD; 15 BLUE SKY; 21 BURL IVES; 42 BUTTERFLY INFERNO; 71 CAMEL HUMPER; 206 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 67 DESERT SCORPION; 94 DIRT DIGGER; 133 FLYING FINN; 117 FUZZY LURE; 679 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 16 GOLDEN RIVET; 136 HONEY BEAR; 41 JINGLE BALLS; 208 KEE MAH; 593 LADY FLIPPER; 237 LIBERACE; 80 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 35 LOST CAUSE; 23 LOVE BOAT; 27 MASTER CHEF; 84 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 99 MENTAL DISORDER; 20 MISUSE ME; 646 MRS. HEAD; 91 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 64 NEXT WEEK; 161 NO MORE CUM; 82 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 277 PELER; 290 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 23 POLE FUCKER; 181 ROBBING BASTARD; 204 SCAR W/2T’S; 27 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 613 SIR FREE WILLY; 98 SPECIAL PRICE; 318 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 48 STREET CLEANER; 196 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 442 TADPOLE; 47 TESTICLES; 174 TURD BURGLAR; 327 VELCRO DICK; 718 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 219 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 26
12 Hans Boye; 7 Sam Green; 6 Sudaphan Nonsang; 7 Alain Poirier; 159 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 501 BALL RINGER; 177 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 18 CASPAR; 123 COO COO COP; 247 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1297 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 53 FREQUENT STREAKER; 532 G.I. JOE; 34 IM LAO; 149 JACKAL; 73 LADY GAGA; 23 PISSED AS A RAT; 16 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 55 PUSSY FUCKER; 134 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 170 REDCOAT; 79 SIMONE EBOLA; 782 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 43 SPERM POLLUTER; 350 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 119 TINY ANAL TORPEDO
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 6
13 Samniang Rattanamool – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
18 HAWKEYE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
13 COMES WITH PRESSURE – Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand
1 Garry Rookas – Penang H3
5 KILL WILLY – Scandi Hooligan Hash, Norway
23 BIGGUS DICKUS – Songkhla Hash, Thailand
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 1
SQUEEZE MY TUBE was congratulated for completing her 350th Run
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 1
SIR FREE WILLY – Hash Shit – Chief Hare painted on a hard surface; no control over his minions.
~ none this week ~