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Scribe Report by Crimson Penis
Book 1 Genesis – In the beginning there was nothing ,Buffalo Bar was as empty as a Hasher’s brain, then there was LORD NELSON in the door, and I knew it was good, because I knew that it meant that I was on the right place at the right time , which is not always the case.
Soon a few other Hashers started to pop up. And nano nano WANK-KING’S WANKER from Ork shows up, looking not a day older since last time i was here. Please tell Orson in your next report on us humans that your fake human body should have an aging device in it and it should be set to Pattaya years which is something between human and dog years. Look around you and try to assimilate what you see and you will blend in better.
Off we went, almost two full bath buses. Well, the economy is bad and it’s low season and somebody blamed the “other” hashes.
We arrived at a good spot for an A-Site some privacy and no smelly garbage, this should always be in the priority of a Hares’ mind.
And before it was time for the Hares to explain the run it was time for the usual “revenge of poor and unsuccessful”, with “lets get those rich bastards who can afford a pair of new shoes” ritual. Unfortunately my shoes seemed a little bit too shiny for the jealous crowd and into the circle I went to have my shoe filled with beer.
This event scared the next one who was called to the circle of WKW so much that she refused to go in! I don’t know if she was a virgin or a visitor. All that WKW wanted to do was to explain how not to get lost on the run, which she probably did because I didn’t see her again.
The Hares then sent us off on the run, me with one wet foot which soon was joined by the other one in this Wannabedirt Monday Run that went through ditches and streams. This run wasn’t made by a lazy arsehole on a motorbike. A great run was the common verdict from all that runners (and walkers),though some people who fiddled to much with there GPS (Gone People you have to Search for ?) went missing for an hour or two.
Back at the A-Site there were donuts and red vine on behalf of the Hares. Thank you very much, you British are truly a culinary people. While waiting for the GPS people something else shoved up instead, the rain. People formed umbrella clusters and huddled for a few minutes before (BB – BANANA BENDER) got us all “Singing in the Rain” and before we could finish it, the heavens answered with “Here Comes the Sun” and the forest with LINEAR ACCELERATOR and HELL MUTT who came staggering like zombies mumbling incoherently something about “the horror”, so finally it was time to form a circle.
The Lottery was won by some PEOPLE, what do i care, i got nada…. Well, I did recognise some lucky B’s and with the help of some other confused Hashers. It’s possible that we identified that LIBERACE, LORD NELSON, BB, TOXIC, RUBBER DICK and WKW were among the winners.
Next EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and ices the Hares who are GET A ROOM , STOOL MOVER and I DONT KNOW. (I’m not sure if that’s his Hash Name or not. When i asked EMPEROR AIRHEAD about that Hare’s name, he answered I don’t know twice. Here I was getting ready to ask “Who’s on first base?”, but decided that well that’s probably his name I DONT KNOW). (When I check the website it says DEL BOY so apparently EMPEROR AIRHEAD really did have ‘absolutely no fucking idea‘).
The Hares were quickly dealt with, since it was a good run, AIRHEAD just had a few words about the combination red vine and donuts. Then EA put ANAL BREADFRUIT on the ice, a man who wasn’t too happy about his Hash Name, so we left him with that name and gave his young daughter the name SNOW QUEEN instead.
GM WKW calls RUNNING BARE, B.B. and N NIGHT RIDER to 100 Runs achievements, NNR and BB just done it and RB was given the shirt to prove it. RUBBER DICK gets iced at that moment for some reason, probably a good and fair one as usual on the Hash.
Next to get iced is HELL MUTT for sitting down on the Scribe Seat while I’m away and also for not leaving his hat out of the circle. He counters with the ridiculous idea of that he has Altzheimers. But we all know the first rule about Altzheimers, if you know its called Altzheimers you ain’t got it.
Next comes a part where I’m getting a little bit drunk and it’s hard to tell if I’m scribling Hash Names or just making insults. The DUM LOAD OF COM, if that’s a hash name, then he probably got iced too….
Next they’re calling out, “Who’s got bad eyesight?” I must be more than a little drunk beacouse I’m dum enough to raise my hand and get rewarded with some ice time, fair enough. We got to fill these icecubes whit ‘arseholes’ somehow. The reason why? Well when GET A ROOM was signing in she got the gender question -male or female- by the blind BALL RINGER. Well I know it’s hard to tell the difference here in Thailand but this one was easy.
My butt just manages to hover a few inches over the ice when it’s put back in it’s place. It’s time for me CRIMSON P to explained why I’m sucking on a flashlight (my E cigarettes). I explain and even manages to dump one on WKW, lets hope he tries, its not 100% as fun as the real deal but you can live on them if you try and they are a lot healthier, and if you cover it up a little bit you can get away with smoking practically everywhere.
Next was another episode of the GPS nonsense which every sound person turned a deaf ear to and went to get more beers.
Next we called on the Hares to sing, but they showed us their ring, the song was instead produced by B.B.
Finally, it was time to “Swing Low” our way to the on on bar Nicky’s for some more fun and beers.
ON-ON ! Crimson Penis
Next week’s scribe is Slippery Sam.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 52
Hashers Present Last Week – 38
168 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 512 BALL RINGER; 324 BELL END; 62 BEN 10; 32 BURL IVES; 242 CRACK MY COCCYX; 17 DEL BOY; 1312 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 399 FOWL FUCKER; 546 G.I. JOE; 203 GANGREEN; 694 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 2 GET A ROOM; 608 LADY FLIPPER; 252 LIBERACE; 90 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 366 LONE WOLF; 27 LORD NELSON; 46 LOST CAUSE; 111 MENTAL DISORDER; 31 MISUSE ME; 660 MRS. HEAD; 100 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 288 PELER; 38 PISSED AS A RAT; 84 POCAHONTAS; 70 PUSSY FUCKER; 156 RUBBER DICK; 101 RUNNING BARE; 628 SIR FREE WILLY; 628 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 796 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 22 SLACK VAGINA; 22 SLIPPERY SAM; 363 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 333 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 733 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 234 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 11
248 ANAL BREADFRUIT; 100 B. B.; 20 BABY OF BEAUTY; 34 BANANAS; 155 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 28 BEAUTY’S BABY; 46 CRIMSON PENIS; 79 LADY GAGA; 21 ROTATE HER LATER; 7 SNOW QUEEN; 19 STOOL MOVER
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
1 MUTT FROM HELL – Costa Blanca Hash
1 Claire Cook – Lanchai Hash
1 Jamie Nicholson – Lanchai Hash
Virgins – 0
~ none this week ~
Leavers – 3
ROTATE HER LATER
Anniversaries – 3
RUNNING BARE was awarded his 100th Run T-Shirt
B.B. was congratulated on completing his 100th Run
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was congratulated on completing his 100th Run
Hash Name Events – 1
Tanya Cooke was given the Hash Name SNOW QUEEN
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~