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Scribe Report by Emperor Airhead
Apologies from Webmaster – originally posted last Wednesday but to the draft page and not the published page. My bad ! – Wank-King;s Wanker
“We cannot control the evil tongues of others,but a good life enables us to disregard them.” – Emperor Marcus Aurelius
“The surest way to remain poor is to be honest” = Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte
” Anger so clouds the mind, that it cannot perceive the truth.” – Emperor Claudius
It was a dark and stormy night as we headed for the epicenter of Typhoon “Muji”. RUBBER DICK had kindly given me a ride in his car… But it soon turned into an episode of ‘Storm Chasers‘.!!!
The proud high visibility of signs of orange and white blended perfectly against the farmers notices they were placed against so it was amazing 60 people made it to the A-Site for BALL RINGER‘s second solo effort of the year. Our lonesome dove BALL RINGER had picked a very nice A-Site with plenty of parking for us and grass a plenty for the girls to picnic.
First circle was called and W–KING’S W–KER exclaimed “It’s the rainy season… let’s shorten the run.!!!”….. The Hares are now under instruction to shorten the run in line with the darkness descending earlier every week…. However “God laughs when man makes plans”…. especially the PH3.
BALL RINGER explained there was a walkers trail but it was only a trap for the innocents.
As I write this page the sky’s are ominously black……….. And the whole pack is lost.!!! As the night wears on the storm disappears and the runners all make it back safe if somewhat bedraggled and in some cases quite bewildered, that a seemingly nice guy like BALL RINGER could tell such outlandish lies about the length of his run.
I had lost track of time so have no idea what time the second circle finally started. BALL RINGER was iced for his pains and the soggy crew all agreed it was a worth while effort and now by way of a reward he would now not have to go home to BELL END for three days.!!!
Raffle called and lucky winners included GKW, PAPRIKA SMILEY, LOST CAUSE, MISUSE ME, LITTLE WHITE DOVE, who claims the cookies. And as in the spirit of chivalry I had given my tickets to RUDI VOELLER‘s girlfriend Lek, It was great to see her claim the much coveted lacy brassiere.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD, that’s me of course, takes the circle as I have ever since Caligula made his horse a member of the Senate. TURD BURGLAR is my first victim and is found guilty of toilet hopping.. RUDI VOELLER is iced for not buying his girlfriend Raffle tickets and COO-COO COP for being a hero.. ( Always be nice to policemen, it’s essential PR.!!! ) and finally PAPRIKA SMILEY for being Hash Trash,
Ex-GM GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER takes over to comment on the dearth of girls participating in the circle these days. ‘Oh’ how I remember the old days with the likes of EWOK, MISS CHIVAS ,STAR TREK and POKE HER HAUNCHES and of course the much missed SNOWFLAKE. We have more cracks now but all they seem to do is eat. For old times sake GKW ices a gaggle of said snack cracks.
Awards time and W–KINGS W–KER ices himself to commemorate his 250 Runs.. It’s amazing whenever I look at W–KINGS W–KER I am reminded of the practice of the Rome Senate.. Once they appointed a new Caesar they would pay for someone to follow him around whispering in his ear “You are mortal,you are mortal,you are mortal…………”.
‘Meet me on the corner’ goes the old song and I can bet you usually find GANGREEN there. The Canuk the size of Mont Royale, takes the circle to ice …. of course TURD BURGLAR and possibly the two biggest crocks in hashing, MISSING LINK and ROBBING BASTARD.
I come back into the circle along with BALL RINGER to help him with the traditional Hares Song. My rendition of “My one eyed trouser snake” is not to be missed especially with BALL RINGER auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing while I croon. Just when you thought it was safe to stop paying attention BURL IVES takes the circle,with permission for once,to ice all the English to lament the temporary downfall of English Rugby.
Hash Hymn strangled and all go their own way after another great night on the PH3, triumphing over the extreme weather yet again.
End Thought: ” How many PH3 hashers does it take to change a light bulb.?… Four… One to change the light bulb and three to talk about how good light bulbs were in the old days.!!!”
On-On! Emperor Airhead
Next week’s scribe is No More Cum.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 63
Hashers Present Last Week – 43
2 Barry Buzby Jones; 527 BALL RINGER; 42 BIGGUS DICKUS; 19 BLUE SKY; 44 BURL IVES; 80 CAMEL HUMPER; 7 CAN’T READ MY WRITING; 208 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 100 CROCODILE; 30 DEL BOY; 76 DESERT SCORPION; 263 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1323 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 562 G.I. JOE; 219 GANGREEN; 710 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 31 GOLDEN RIVET; 37 HAWKEYE; 624 LADY FLIPPER; 268 LIBERACE; 61 LOST CAUSE; 40 MASTER CHEF; 189 MISSING LINK; 42 MISUSE ME; 676 MRS. HEAD; 116 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 300 PELER; 31 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 188 ROBBING BASTARD; 113 RUNNING BARE; 29 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 39 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 614 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 644 SIR FREE WILLY; 644 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 812 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 377 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 347 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 205 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 186 TURD BURGLAR; 137 TWO TIME; 743 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 250 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 16
12 Lek Fink; 24 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 12 BOY NAMED SUE; 126 COO COO COP; 319 FUCK THE TRUTH; 147 GREYHOUND; 160 JACKAL; 210 KEE MAH; 16 LADY SNAKE; 85 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 161 RUBBER DICK; 76 RUDI VOELLER; 11 SHIH TZU; 157 STEPTOE; 457 TADPOLE; 123 TINY ANAL TORPEDO
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
9 MR POTATO HEAD – South of Perth Hash, Australia
1 FLIMFLAM MAN – Subic Bay Hash, Philippines
1 JUNGLE PRINCESS – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 1
SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE
Anniversaries – 3
PELER was congratulated for completing his 300th Run.
WANK-KING’S WANKER was congratulated for completing his 250th Run.
CROCODILE was congratulated for completing her 100th Run.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~