Scribe Report by Pussy Fucker
Fellow Hash Geezers.
It’s Monday, It’s Pattaya…… Yes it’s the Pattaya Hash. A little drinking, a little running, a little ice and loads of bullshit.. Where would we be without it?
An added bonus today is my old China from East London SIR FREE WILLY & his ever suffering trouble and strife LADY FLIPPER are the Hares so we know it will be a good day and as myself, PISSED AS A RAT and the future GM SLIPPERY SAM bowl up at a familiar A-Site to see the ice already laid out and three buses making up a healthy 84 sign-ups.
GM NMC or as he is commonly referred to here and there NOT MY COUNTRY calls the first circle and the usual announcements are made.
Hares on in to explain it is a bog standard run, as if there was such a thing with these two, and off the faithful trot in oblique obedience. As I split me daisy’s yesterday the shiggy soon burrowed past me almonds giving me sore plates making me hang back from the pack. A 7.5 kilometre run wound through the surrounding tapioca fields and crossed the frog and toad named Soi Polo by some, heading up towards that huge mountain. Luckily enough the hares had shown mercy (if you had seen SFW do what I have my children.!!!… you would be aware mercy is not in his vocabulary) and we were soon heading back towards the sanctuary of the A-Site.
Plenty of fruit and crisps, why do septic’s and other foreigners calls them chips?, and of course V.V.‘s jam jar loaded with ice cold pig’s ear. General consensus of opinion agreed it was an excellent run and even BURL IVES made a point of shaking the Hare’s hands.
Suitable wind down and NOT MY COUNTRY calls the second circle. Hare’s on ice and the thronging crowd all agreed it it was an excellent run, very scenic and just about the right length for runners and walkers alike.
Raffle time and it is the usual mixed bag of booze, chocolate and sex, a powerful and successful combination. Among the lucky winners were MISS USE ME, HONEY BEAR, ROBBING BASTARD, The “50/50 decent boat race, nice thruppenny’s shame about the meat and two veg down below ‘If it don’t eat whelks I don’t fuck it’ crack with the black bouffant barnet” and PAPRIKA SMILEY and his latest ‘companion’ from Guam. As the Hare often says “Names are for Tombstones” so all night I never did get her name.. With pins (legs to you) like hers who needs a monica anyway? If you were wondering, Guam is a US protectorate in the middle of the Pacific Ocean…. In America speak protectorate translates to… We do not want the f–king place but to look suitably humanitarian in the eyes of the UN we have to take care of it.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD struts his stuff and ices the Hares. He explains the dynamic duo have been married for 72 years and LADY FLIPPER has stuck by her spouse through fat and thin.. No that should be thick and thin.. or maybe not.. Police knocking at the door, court cases, millions of Dollars or millions of Lira.. Just think if these two had not married how different the PH3 history would have been?
STOOL MOVER and your Scribe are iced because STOOL MOVER won a 25th Anniversary Madra’s Hash shirt given to EA by the Maharajah SUGAR DADDY for the Raffle.. After using the shirt to wipe up his chicken vindaloo STOOL MOVER generously donated it back to the Raffle.
Next on in is HONEY BEAR‘s 3.00 p.m. appointment to be aptly named, EXTREMELY DANGEROUS BASTARD.
Stats time and by way of generating interest WANK-KING’S WANKER decides to tell the recipients they have the wrong size shirt… hilarious. Anyway HELIUM HEAD gets a 100 Run survivor shirt. POCAHONTAS also gets a 100 Run survivor shirt. MISS USE ME gets a 50 Run mug. PHONY C–T also gets a 50 Run mug after 15 years service to the PH3. Thanks and well done all.
HULK takes the circle for to given zee ice treatment to the dastardly English quartet of STOOL MOVER, NMC, PUSSY F–KER and BEETROOT HEAD as a report is saying the English are drinking too much and should cut down to six beers a week.. All good in principle but if we adhered to this request we would not be the greatest nation on Earth.
NO MOTHER COUNTRY or whatever he is called now takes over again to ice myself, that’s PUSSY F–KER, for attending the Schandhi Walkabout and leaving my bag containing, mobile phones, iPad, 100K, passport, personal lubricant and plans to dominate the third world in a bar in Soi 6.. Luckily as the Thai‘s are all inscrutably honest in NMC‘s opinion, I retrieved the missing bag in the 39th bar… Phew that could have been a bit of a blow.!!!
NEXT WEEK gets iced after revealing he had problems getting his Thai wife into England.. A simple “Fuck Off” from SFW earns him a seat in the bucket.. I have to agree with the big guy, we have enough polluion in London.. In 1918 the Germans sent Zeppelins over to invade London. In 1945 it was the doodle bug. In 2016 Ryan Air gets them in for 15 quid. Typical of the Irish, continuing their German collaboration from the last two wars so small wonder Ireland is refereed to as Germany‘s car park.
Lynn Brewster, wife of ROCKY BALBLOWME comes in for a name before her return to Canada.. As she used to castrate animals and now takes care of people with dementia.. Various names were mentioned but the GM exercised his autocratic right and gave her a name he had dreamed up the night before, NUT CRACKER, much to the circle consternation.
Time for the Hares and SFW says he well remembers his first ever hares song with LORD CHICKEN FCUKER, Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilsons, ‘Do You F–k on First Dates.?.’. It bombed and so he learned a Hares Song should always be kept simple.. In fact he has a well prepared song but as his intended two stooges for the ice and song, SHEIK MEME and RSB are conveniently absent for the event, he elects to ask STEPTOE to sing a song for him.. STEPTOE then promptly ices The Guam crack, LADY SNAKE and SUZY WONG and ’50/50 decent boat race, nice thruppenny’s shame about the meat and two veg down below “If it don’t eat whelks I don’t fuck it’ crack with the black bouffant barnet”, and serenades with with yes you have guessed it “Do you fuck on first dates’.. Comes around that turns around.’
SCAR W/2T’S takes over for a brief spell and ices again NUT CRACKER and ROCKY BALBLOWME, who, while jumping on a bus to save ten baht, RB had his pocket picked by an old lady passenger with $1000 in it.. No this time the inscrutably honest Thai‘s did not give it back.
Leavers and returners polish off the final down downs and after the Hash Hymn honoured it is off to Jameson’s for happy hour.
Another great day and special thanks to the Hares who did their usual up to it job.
I am back to Blighty to continue rat-catching for a few months. See you when.
On-On! Pussy Fucker
Next week’s scribe is Turd Burglar
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 84
Hashers Present Last Week – 60
4 Lynn Brewster; 34 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 539 BALL RINGER; 331 BELL END; 69 BEN 10; 189 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 55 BURL IVES; 217 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 252 CRACK MY COCCYX; 111 CROCODILE; 37 DEL BOY; 1336 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 24 FUNNY BUNNY; 573 G.I. JOE; 230 GANGREEN; 69 GOLDEN DILDO; 40 GOLDEN RIVET; 103 HELIUM HEAD; 106 HULK; 55 JINGLE BALLS; 635 LADY FLIPPER; 25 LADY SNAKE; ; 81 LIBERACE; 72 LOST CAUSE; 33 LOVE BOAT; 11 MILKY WAY; 52 MISS USE ME; 178 NO MORE CUM; 97 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 313 PELER; 2 PENELOPE PITSTOP; 52 PHONEY CUNT; 152 PINKABOO; 45 PISSED AS A RAT; 103 POCAHONTAS; 37 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 77 PUSSY FUCKER; 143 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 236 REAR GUNNER; 13 ROCKY BALBLOWME; 173 RUBBER DICK; 126 RUNNING BARE; 223 SCAR W/2TS; 627 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 657 SIR FREE WILLY; 214 SKIING FINN; 42 SLACK VAGINA; 29 SLIPPERY SAM; 108 SPECIAL PRICE; 389 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 169 STEPTOE; 358 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 23 STOOL MOVER; 37 SUPERVIRGIN; 67 SUZY WONG; 136 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 756 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 263 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 28 WHINGER; 6 WINDOW WANKER
Returners – 20
217 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 36 BEETROOT HEAD; 86 CAMEL HUMPER; 16 CROW FUCKER; 82 DESERT SCORPION; 4 EXTREMELY VIOLENT BASTARD; 322 FUCK THE TRUTH; 284 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 152 GREYHOUND; 147 HONEY BEAR; 8 MENTAL TAMPAX; 686 MRS. HEAD; 71 NEXT WEEK; 298 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 31 POL DANCER; 197 ROBBING BASTARD; 822 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 96 SLIPPERY ARSE; 147 TWO TIME; 336 VELCRO DICK
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
4 BOW TIE – Hastings Hash, UK
1 SILENT BUT DEADLY – Hatana Hash
16 ATOMIC MUFF DIVER – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 6
PISSED AS A RAT
Anniversaries – 4
HELIUM HEAD was awarded his 100th Run T-Shirt.
POCAHONTAS was awarded her 100th Run T-Shirt.
MISS USE ME was awarded her 50th Run Mug.
PHONEY CUNT was awarded his 50th Run Mug.
Hash Name Events – 3
Geoff Hewitt was given the New Hash Name EXTREMELY VIOLENT BASTARD.
Lola Pongprom was given the New Hash Name PENELOPE PITSTOP.
Lynn Brewster was given the New Hash Name NUT CRACKER.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~