Having arrived back in Pattaya for my first 6 month stint following retirement, my first Monday Run was going to be slightly damp. This, however, was no reflection on the spirits of myself or the other hashers. If they didn’t come well equipped for the rain, they came with a resolve to tough it out instead. Myself, I was somewhat undecided and ended up with a telling off from the Beer Master SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT for hiding inside one of his bin liners.
The Hares MRS HEAD and TREE FROG provided us with a selection of long and short runs, which seemed to keep everybody happy, although the long 7km version turned out to be more like 8.5km. Even after the weather faired up, both tracks turned out to be pretty soggy underfoot.
After I had some reminiscence with EMPEROR AIRHEAD about TURD BURGLAR and a recent “away day” we had shared together with several others, the circle began with hares on the ice, quickly followed by the raffle. CHEAPER THAN MEME seemed happier than a man ought to be when he picked up one of the items second-hand. I can only describe it as a very girlie looking bag. Not the sort of thing you would expect a macho gunman to have slung over his shoulder……but then this is Pattaya. AIRHEAD next makes his entrance looking more like a katoey than anything associated with Loy Krathong. He deals with the Hares as usual and tells us a story about cattle in the TQ. It must have been a long time ago!
Following a discussion on KEE MAH and a nearby lightning strike, the virgins were introduced. One of these was unusually brought along by myself, while another turned out to be a friend of TINY ANAL TORPEDO. What a great name that is! The traditional krathong completion was a walkover, as SWEETIE provided the only entry. This didn’t deter from the credit due to a girl, who made her own offering after reading it up in the ACME Krathong Making Bible. It looked a very slippery streamlined version capable of winning races.
Your Scribe NMC was then sat down for some heat exchange and duly rubbished for giving back-word to VV and dipping out of haring duties for next Monday. This is due to a trip I had planned for me to go up north and meet the natives. I’m not saying any more than that. WANK-KING’S WANKER next honoured VV for achieving an incredible 700 runs, while the rest of us gave up trying to work out his % rate for haring them. He is a true stalwart of the PH3. Other honours bestowed were a 300 Run Mug for STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS and recognition for MRS HEAD, who has now hared 20 runs. She was referred to by WW as an analogue, which I guess means that she hasn’t gone digital yet.
I was next taken a little off guard and handed more power than I have had in 30 years in the Fire Brigade. My response was to sit SIR FREE WILLY and SHEIK MEME on the ice, just because that’s where I like them. STEPTOE was then granted leave to join them as a reward for volunteering his services as Scribe next week. It was somewhere around this point that MEME first informed everyone that he now has a real job, as a boating pond manager. He later told us again and again and …..
Honours weren’t over yet and it was now WW’s turn to receive his 200 Run Shirt from GM SCAR WITH 2 T'S and my turn to sit on the ice yet one more time, so SCAR could rubbish me about the year planner I had taken down off the board back in the UK and brought here with me. What he didn’t know was that next year’s planner is on the back. Oh well, there is always next time to ice me for that. When MEME takes the circle there is always plenty of story-telling and this was no exception. The story had something to do with snakes and trousers and being left in the dark in a strange place by TAMPAX.
After I’d been picked on again by both the GM and MEME, it was the turn of the GM from Lahore to put the PH3 mismanagement right, by highlighting the fact that Visitors had today been overlooked – disgraceful! We finally wrapped the night up with a song from STEPTOE and the Hash Hymn. The sight of a virgin in the circle leading this with no idea what was expected was quite amusing.
Those who were dedicated enough to show up at the On on bar were treated to copious amounts of Spaghetti Bolognese a la Thai. Thanks go out to Eric (aka PEGLEG) at the Scandi Bar 2, located in Best Friend Complex and with it a reminder that we are fortunate to hash here in Pattaya and benefit from the support of our hash bars.
On-On! No More Cum