You really have to be an optimist to volunteer to Hare any type of Hash run during this time of year with the annual monsoons rains always on the horizon. But our FREE WILLY always looks on the sunny side of life and since it happened to coincide with his 30th Year Wedding Anniversary. He figured it would be a lot cheaper to buy his fellow hashers a bunch of drinks than take FLIPPER out for a fancy dinner and a trip to the gold shop. Just imagine a Thai marriage lasting 30 years….geez that just has to almost as long as all of Karamba’s marriages put together. How many marriages on Soi 6 don’t even last 30 minutes (names deleted by Hash Webmaster).
But I digress as your humble Scribe is wont to do. But as we all know, digression is the better part of volume…..(note to self: never Scribe when pissed) But dark, cloudy skies weren’t my only concern this fine Pattaya Hash House Harriers day. Just getting to the pickup point can be a very worrisome problem for a lot of my fellow Hashers as well….and me (Gangreen) included. So please allow me to open up my heart and tell you about my experience just getting to the Baht Buses…and dear Lord, please have pity on me or at least buy me a drink…………….
I have never felt so alone and frightened. I was starting to feel that each excruciating, soul-stripping step could very well be my last. There were times when I told myself that I had gone mad, that I was dead and this was some form of hell. In waves of panic I felt I was being punished for my sins. I prayed for forgiveness, despaired, then prayed some again. But slowly, inch by painful inch, step by tortuous step, I had finally made the too long walk up Soi. Chaiyapoon to #3 Road and could see salvation in the form of the Buffalo Bar in sight. I knew once I made it to the Buffalo Bar, everything would finally be alright and I wouldn't have to walk anywhere any more. And that brothers and sisters is what happened. Praise to the Grand Master for leading me beside the still Toyota!!!!!
As I emerged from my barren, desolate, fog shrouded wasteland, I was pleasantly surprised to see so many fellow Hashers . . .…that was until I saw all the Aussies who showed up…..but this scribe report is about all the positive things that happened with our Run #1637. But apparently these Aussie blokes are necessary as they have something called the “Annual Aussie Run” which is to be held next Monday. Like the uncle every family doesn’t want to talk about, these Aussies descend upon Pattaya and have their way with us by offering us lots of free food, free drinks and a raffle whose proceeds go to some kind of charity….not the sick buffalo kind. It almost makes them tolerable.
For some reason my notes regarding this particular run #1637 seem to rather abbreviated which may be part of the reason for all of the above crapola.
But here is something more important:
Lost
I set my camouflage bag down at the ‘A’ Site and now I can’t find it. Either I can’t see it or an animal hid it from me. I need a set of fresh eyes. Meet me here at the ‘A’ Site at 4pm tomorrow Bring your eyeglasses and unsalted peanuts…..
The lost camouflage bag may not seem important to you, but it probably did contain my scribe notes taken during this too abbreviated circle as I can’t find them anywhere. I can only give myself so many body searches looking for those all important notes before even I start to feel violated. So, it is with that I give you what probably happened during this great run #1637.
- 16.15 – Arrived at A Site
- 16.58 – First circle started with utmost respect for GM & Hares
- 17.00 – 17.10 Rounding up the usual suspects: visitors, new shoes, etc.
- 17.20 – Hares FREE WILLY & FLIPPER give instructions about the run
- 17.25 – Run commences and things happen that I know nothing about
And you know the usual until the Grand Master calls the circle to get drunk and complete the circle before the rain starts……give the people what they want!!!
The Raffle being won by the GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER family and other ladies.
Our very own EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle and basically did the ‘Readers Digest’ version of being a RA. Like most of his romantic experiences, it was a quick in and out with his welcoming the virgins, and anything else that didn’t require more than about 2 minutes before the rains came…or so he says….as usual, mighty satisfying for him but not for anyone else.
To expedite matters, it was time for the Hares to sing us a song…..which turned into some kind of fiasco as for once FREE WILLY was speechless. As this had never happened before, there was an eerily hush amongst what was left of the circle only to…to..it is really too weird to describe with my limited vocabulary. You just had to be there to feel the ‘shock and awe’ of the moment.
Many, many people had their Run Anniversary Awards handed out tonight….once I find my camoufloge bag with the list of you people I will mention you in some future scribe report….congratulations and well deserved!!!!
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed suddenly……………….and then we boarded the baht buses before the rains came to begin the bullshit laden trip home…probably the closest thing to having fun in Pattaya.
Another terrific day sponsored by FREE WILLY and FLIPPER. Looking forward to next year's run. Probably one of the few times the Pattaya Hash actually runs on the beach. Thanks for all your effort.
Ladies and gentlemen: "The story you have read about is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."
Without regrets
Your scribe
On-On! Gangreen