"The fight among men is not between good and evil but between opposing ideas of good." - George Orwell
"War does not determine who is right, only who is left." - Winston Churchill
To be honest I was rather tired of Asia. I've done the Wat's of Thailand, ran naked through Cambodia, played 'baby smiles' in Vietnam, snogged billy boys in the Philippines. You know, the usual guy things one has to do in the east but quite frankly the sirens of Esssex were calling me home.
Then I had my epiphany on the back-check to Damascus and discovered Hashing!!! My life changed and as a born again athlete, albeit with a beer in my mitt, I want to spread the gospel of St Gisbert.
I have hared, beer policed, ran, fallen arse over bollocks and now for the first time I am proud to scribe the days events for the world famous Pattaya Hash House Harriers.
Monday being Gisbert's chosen day we assembled on an often used A-Site chosen by today's hares VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR and his ever loyal brother ZENERGY. Fifty-eight runners braving a hot day formed the first circle where surprisingly there were no new shoes.
Leaving my mate Darren Norseman in the capable and ever friendly hands of fellow Leyton Orient supporter FREE WILLY (LOFC are a football team in London if you were wondering) I joined my fellow devotees and set of into the wild blue if soggy yonder. We ran straight into a some shit soggy shiggy so the rest of the run was done in wet feet.
Although surrounded by mountains the run fare was mainly flat with the usual amount of checks thrown in and probably around 7 to 8 kilometres in length. Or in other words a typical VV run and everything you would expect from the mustachioed one after haring 2,000 runs or so.!!! Winding down it was good to see no-one was lost with all back safely.
Circle called and after the traditional icing of the hares the assembled mass's agreed that as always VV and Co. had laid a good run.
Raffle time and it was good to see the World's Greatest Raffle Master SIR FREE WILLY back at the helm after the protocol induced 'wobble' of last week. Bottles of tequila and whiskey are complimented by kettles, shirts and silk teddy's with ODD-JOB, NO KNICKERS, a very drunk CRACK MY COCCYX, WANK-KING'S WANKER and HAWKEYE among the winners.
No EMPEROR AIRHEAD so it is SHEIK MEME doing the split personality routine,and lets face it he has plenty of role models to learn from on Monday, by being both the good and bad RA. For you aficionados of trivia the word Sheik is derived from the Arabic word for a trilateral root connected with age and an unstoppable aging process. As W.C. Fields said "Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy" but he is still funnier than most.
SEAL SUCKER gets iced for too much cac cac while RSB and CRACK MY COCCYX are punished for some infringement or other. SPAG HEAD and PISS POORER have their turn before SMM seizes a photo opportunity to appear on the Facebook Fiend with MENSTRUAL DISORDER and GET A ROOM.
SIR FREE WILLY sits back to back 'duel' style with LONE WOLF while the midget of mirth goes over last weeks much misinterpreted snap departure from the A-Site by the enlightened one. I am wistfully reminded of Paraprosdokian's quote "If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.".
GANGREEN..... Yes, I said GANGREEN, steps in to ice a variety of offenders and snap demanding an original note from unprepared hashers... more of this would be good.
WANK-KING'S WANKER steps in to ice VV and explain he will now make a sojourn back to Belgium for which we hope will not be too long a period. The beer truck will be left in the safe, if sometimes seemingly belligerent, hands Mental Disorder and Menstrual Disorder acting as Brew Master/Mistress for three weeks until they depart for a tour of India, presumably to 'find themselves'.
And after that yes your scribe, the one, the only DEL BOY takes over for an unspecified time. Do I mind my Mondays being fucked up with work, ice and no drinking.... no not at all.... for I am a hasher.... As Cromwell said "Give me a man true of virtue and straight of spine who knows what he fights for and loves what he knows". So if you see me drinking while the beer truck is under my command.... squeal.
After 5725 hares VV still has no Hash Song so LONE WOLF volunteers to sing the only one he knows to get them out of the 'clarts.
Hash Hymn strangled and its off to Nicky's Bar for another great happy hour.
I could be visiting historical temples or hysterical brothels but they all pale into insignificance when compared to a days hashing.
See you all next week.
On-On! Del Boy