Now BEN 10 are you sitting comfortably.?.. Good, as Daddy BALL RINGER is going to tell you a story.
Once upon a time in the land of Hashing there was a Wicked Witch. Although the PH3 Hare-Line was full for months in advance the Wicked Witch kept on sending bad spells to the Hares to enchant and curse them, making them drop out of their haring obligations. For five straight weeks the Wicked Witch's curses worked causing all manner of problems which had to be overcome by the good, fair and just knights of the PH3 Mismanagement.
And so it came to pass that last Monday for the first time in my 800 runs we had an Englishman, a German and a Russian to act as Hares to give the lazy citizens of the PH3 Castle some much needed exercise. An often used A-Site in grounds of the Castle was used, as two of the Hares, BAHT BUS GESTAPO and LADY SNAKE, claimed to be virgins and the lead Hare, a notable rogue by name of TURD BURGLAR, never claims or admits to anything.
Forty hardy citizens, many still recovering from two forced marches thrust upon them by the Wicked Barons of other Hashes in the last four days, braved the cold and rain of 90° autumn heat for the last run of the month.
Gadzooks.!!!... After many weeks of transgender beer truck drivers it was a welcome sight to see Belgium Brew Baron V.V. back steering his charge expertly again to quench the thirst of wanting hashers.
Circle called by the PH3 Clown Prince and after the peasants new shoes are dealt with the forty citizens are scattered faster than a doodle bug at Stalingrad. The Beer Hunters go to look for .......... that's right BEN 10....Beer. The walkers walked, while LIBERACE and others stayed in the counting house tallying up the days gelt. 'Oh' Yes and of course some citizens actually ran the course.....There's nought so queer as folk.!!!
The returning citizen's disected the run in time honoured fashion and word of mouth, that most dangerous of tool expertly described by George Orwell, confirmed it had been a good run at just about the right length for the time of year and making allowances for the Hares not really knowing what they were doing. ( sic )
Circle called called early by the PH3 resident giant W--KINGS W--NKER and the Axis powers were duly iced. Explanations were duly accepted and the run was officially declared a success. SFW has to announce that the Wicked Witch has been weaving her curses again and V.V. is to replace one of the Hares for next week complete with new A-Site and details.... Harry Potter eat your heart out.
Raffle time and a scaled down Raffle for a scaled down day sees winners in the shape of LADY SNAKE, BALL RINGER, TWO TIME, GANGREEN, POCAHONTAS and MISSING LINK.
The undisputed King of the PH3 Castle, EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and ices the hares as per protocol and custom. Not in line with protocol and custom is the evil Bad Ass from Hong Kong BURL IVES who struts into the circle without permission to start to sing a song. After retreating to the circle edge he is formally invited in to sing the ever popular "This was a shitty run a shitty run a shitty run a shitty run,this was a shitty shitty run"....Sorry my son BEN 10 but I can remember all of the words for you. Nice to know however that we have more than one song available to echo around the PH3 Castle.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD questions the Hares, mercifully without the aid of hand-cuffs, whips or chains, as TURD BURGLAR forgot to bring them this week. All was explained and our impromptu stop gap heroes were given a vote of confidence for the future. V.V. and SFW sit back to back ( old habits die hard ) while AIRHEAD welcomes back the former,officially on behalf of the castle inhabitants.
W--KING W--KER takes the circle again and ices TURD BURGLAR for leaving his nappy or something similar at a venue on an unmentionable run a few day previous.
The Colombian Leaf Jester otherwise known as GANGREEN takes over with absolutely nothing to say or an idea in his head. But verily my son BEN 10 this is the point of the Hash. NEVER be afraid to take the circle or to make a fool of yourself. True old pro that he is GANGREEN thinks quick and ices....... TURD BURGLAR.... along with some refreshing faces including the dastardly collector of the citizens taxes ROBBING BASTARD..
No PH3 day is complete without a Hares Song. They could have had, Lily Marlene, "The Red Flag", Noel Coward,s old classic "Don't Be Beastly to the Germans" or TURD BURGLAR's favourite from Tom Robinson "Sing If You're Glad To Be Gay" but the Wicked Witch had sent another spell and the hash song cupboard was bare. A couple of impromptu jokes completed the day.
Hash Hymn strangled and while others go to the Boomerang Bar for the happy hour my trusty steed BELL END arrives to transport me back to Never Never Land.
Wasn't that a good story BEN 10.?. And we can repeat it every week.
On-On! Ball Ringer