Sawadee ka everybody I am HAWKEYE I harriette Pattaya Hash and my husband him name BIGGUS DICKUS but him not say I harriette him say I crack but him dirty man all time talk bullshit too mutt.
So last Monday I go run Hash and when get to Hash I see not have people too many it have maybe only 50 people come because now low season and have many farang go back their country.
Then big fat GM him name MENTAL DISORDER tell everybody now time to make circle and big fat GM say we have one run for people that like run and one run for people that like walk so I go walk and it good trail for me I think walk maybe 3 kilometer and it have good tree and not hot too mutt and not have big mountain.
After we get to secnd check the trail go for about one kilometer on very nice track that have good shade and it cool same-same we in long tunnel then when we come out it bright with sunshine again and soon we come to hard road.
Here trail split one more time and SMILING BROWN SPIDER him go right on runner trail but I go ahead on hard road with walkers and soon we see hash sign point way go back to A-Site and I happy get back so can sit down eat Thai food with my friend and look my husband him drink beer and talk bullshit with his friend then big fat GM say everybody have to make circle again.
Soon have GI JOE him put Hares on ice and next come SIR FREE WILLY and him make Raffle and have winner for Raffle RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD and VV and man name HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN and nice girl her name KUNG FU QUEEN and some other people but I sorry you I not hear SIR FREE WILLY speak you name but it ok for me I not worry too mutt anything.
Then GM make GI JOE sit ice because him first man run come back to A-Site and GM make two more young man sit ice and GM say two young man age together only about 40 years but GI JOE him age 68 years so why GI JOE him come back first but two young man not come back A site for long time.
Next come EMPEROR AIRHEAD and him put Hares on ice and tell story that big fat GM go house old ladyboy and maybe him boom-boom old ladyboy so Hash can run on land belong old ladyboy and next have two Belgium man come sit on ice to get Hash Name and they now have new name: one man name ARSE VAN HOLE and other man name SQUEAK.
Then have KUNG FU QUEEN and her boyfriend come stand in circle and I look her boyfriend him nice sexy young man have good hair and him not have big fat beer belly same too many man on Hash.
Now it noisy too mutt because many Thai lady eat cheese with farang man TAMPAX who play guitar and have one lady she wear yellow shirt and GM bring many man into circle and ask lady yellow shirt if she boom-boom with all this man what man make best boom-boom for her and lady yellow shirt say 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE him best man for make her cum many time one night.
Next have WANK-KING'S WANKER take circle to give Hash Awards to people and first was EMPEROR AIRHEAD him get nice big black T-shirt because him hare 30 Runs and next come CABBAGE PATCH him get nice gray polo shirt with collar instead of stupid fucking mug because him now make 50 Runs and last man CRAPPER him sad and lonely man because him teerak go back her country but now he feel ok because him have nice black hash cap because him hare 5 Run.
Next GM make GI JOE and JACKAL and REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD and TESTICLES sit on ice and they talk long time about how much paper hare must put on trail and how far paper must go from check to check.
Then GM call TAMPAX and TADPOLE and SIR FREE WILLY and they all talk long time about they want get dirty underpants from TADPOLE and next week make Raffle prize for dirty underpants and many man say they want buy raffle ticket now they not want wait for next week and next come TAMPAX and him sing a song with many lady clap hands and like him too mutt and some people say him same-same superstar sing-a-song and have many groupie girl follow him.
Then GM say it time for we all sing Hash Hymn and go back Pattaya.
See you again next week it special run for my husband BIGGUS DICKUS because him make 50 Runs with PH3. First time him come on Pattaya Hash it run 907 in July 2001 so it take him 15 years to get to 50 runs because him big fat lazy bastard.
On-On! Hawkeye