Another beautiful day in Pattaya, a great day to run around in the jungle through water and mud and chased by cattle and dogs and farmers. Today’s hares are VV the most experienced hare in Thailand and his sidekick TWO TIME plus RAT VON KEIL. Todays “A” site is a new one off Soi Polo 1 with adequate parking and a decent sized circle area.
PINKABOO and I arrived early as usual and parked under a tree behind BALL RINGER’s car until FLIPPER then BELL END said I’d parked under a wasp nest so I quickly moved and parked across the road. The Belgians are all here in their traditional Hash red and black shirts, they’ve taken over from the French.
Circled up and GM today is THE WIZARD, any volunteers to be todays scribe? The silence was deafening, hashers looking at their feet or at the trees, walking to their cars. "Okay, I’ll do it!". It’s fucken’ easy just write down anything you can remember then make up some stuff and put in a few Hashers names to make people happy.
New shoes? Three volunteers had their shoes christened, virgins next. “Welcome to the PH3. It’s now your Mother Hash and we’ll fuck with you later.”
Hares in to explain the run RAT VON KEIL starts with shredded paper and hanging paper and BLUE checks and RED back checks then VV corrects the first fuck up of the day it’s RED checks and BLUE back checks with a walkers trail about 4 km and the runners about 1 hour and the paper starts to the right ON ON!
Off we go first check 5 minutes into the run with SPERM POLLUTER to the right and GI JOE to the left. So I go left with JOE because he’s got a GPS. I go right as JOE heads straight and praise the lord, paper! I yell ON ON and I’m a FRB for 5 minutes until I find the first back check, bastards! I went from the front to the rear pretty quick.
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER aka GKW, sounds like one of those sprays used on a rusty tool or tight nuts, SPERM POLLUTER, GI JOE after short cutting, DEL BOY are the new FRB’s. DIRT LOONEY is having a day off being a FRB and I’m fucked after 10 minutes as it’s my second run in 2 months.
Excellent trail well papered and the rest of the checks and back check were great because they were all broken by the time I got to them.
Circle up, hares iced and all runners confirm that it was an excellent run.
FREE WILLY’s Raffle starts with CASPER winning the top prize of a large bottle of Vino Collapso, she said after drinking half a litre SPERM POLLUTER is a very attractive man. Other winners DOESN’T CUM ENOUGH, I think she selected the bottle of Vodka to make her boyfriend look good, IRREGULAR PERIOD, Bernie “RUBBER DICK”, MINELESS CUNT, HAPPY SURVIVOR, RAT VON KEIL and THE COUNT. Congratulations.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and thanks the hares with ice. Thanked hares for a new “A” site which is getting rarer these days, excellent signs of the correct colour. Virgins welcomed properly with more beer and now they are part of the PH3 family.
WANK-KING'S WANKER takes over for the awards and fucks these up as usual, GI JOE 650 Runs, LONE WOLF 450 Runs and LOST CAUSE 150 Runs. VV for his 161 Runs? WTF? WW it’s 161 Hares.
DIRT LOONEY iced for haring next week's run. Told his fellow hares THE WIZARD, ARSE BANDIT and ANDY WHOREHOLE that he never hares without a GPS so when they went out for a reccy DIRT LOONEY was asked where was the all important GPS? “I forgot it’s at home on the charger.” Fuck! But don’t worry I’ve got it all on computer. Computer broken, fuck! Let’s go and reccy a nearby trail, oop’s wrong trail, fuck! I’ll just turn the car around in this little bit of mud, car sank in the mud, fuck! Car stuck in the mud, but don’t worry Oz can dig it out by hand, it’s only 34 degrees and sunny just the way Pommies like it, fuck! DIRT LOONEY presented with a kids bucket and spade to be kept in the car for future fuck ups. Will be used often.
CRAPPER iced for his birthday but no cake as he had a cake made by SPERM POLLUTER yesterday with eggs, powder and beer, SPERM POLLUTER iced for not knowing the ingredients of a cake. Excuse for not using flour is that he gave CASPER a shopping list for eggs and flour but he got eggs and a flower so he improvised. WANK-KING'S WANKER iced for washing his phone in the bucket, it was found but no one claimed it so it was put back in the bucket for safe keeping.
LONE WOLF has todays Lost & Found, FRODO iced and reunited with his lost T shirt FUCK KNOWS iced for losing something but I can’t see what it is and I can’t see who it is so I ask SPERM POLLUTER he said Fuck Knows, close enough.
BURL IVES asked if anyone has lost anything? No clues, no nothing. If you’ve lost something you won’t know you’ve lost it until you look for it!
SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE iced for suggesting SPERM POLLUTER was a deviant for stalking two American ladies at yesterday's PJH3. Pretty obvious. WANK-KING'S WANKER iced and bucketed. Patrick in the bucket, ARSE BANDIT iced, noisy bastards.
HARBOR QUICKSTART iced after accusation of trying to mount SPERM POLLUTER when he fell over in front of her and his shorts slipped down to his knees, he waited 5 minutes but nothing happened, she said she shortcut through the trees to avoid a big hole.
Aussies iced for being the most popular people on the planet and were getting the new iPhone before anyone else so we could track our activities which was questioned by GM THE WIZARD as we aren’t very good at anything that could be defined as an activity. What about wanking? That’s an activity?
Last down downs BALL RINGER, BEN 10, ANTIQUE, SEAL SUCKER and Hash Hymn sung. Anyway another good Hashing day out. Thanks to VV and TWO TIME for the Bar B Que, there’s nothing like a nice sausage.
And thanks to all the Belgians who stayed to help VV, LIBERACE and TWO TIME pack up the beer truck. See you next week for THE WIZARD, DIRT LOONEY, ARSE BANDIT and ANDY WHOREHOLE run. “A” site about 8 km up Wat Yan.
On-On! Rear Gunner