Having been away from Pattaya on a distant island for the last 6 months, I was caught out by the fact that it was the Halloween Run, or I might have made more effort to be ghoulish. As some of the regular hashers are generally so scary anyway, it promised to be a frightfully good day out.
The formalities of the first circle included myself and my sommelier friend Ella, who I had lent a new pair of shoes, in order to save her nice trainers from a muddy baptism. I’m so gallant, you know.
I set off full of optimism to do the long run leaving my Ukrainian virgin to cope with the walkers trail. However, less than 300 metres into it, I felt a pull in my left calf and ended up walking the long trail instead of keeping the FRB's company. It was mostly a nice shady trail through the trees and a welcome return to the tropics.
VV’s culinary delights now include Belgian frikadelle. They will pinch anything, but I’m not complaining.
With the hares sat on the ice, we all got a good look at their bright orange run shirts complete with ghouls and bats, etc. The general consensus seemed to be one of appreciation and, judging by reports, the locals seemed glad to finally get a run without the rain playing some part in proceedings.
The raffle included the usual array of prizes with everything from booze to biscuits and stuffed elephants. The latter prize helped to complete the ménage a trois for Ella and me. Unusually, there were no prizes with sexual connotations. Is SFW cleaning up his act? Surely not!
The GM, however, did not let us down. He predictably targeted me and my virgin for some ice time with plenty of sexual innuendo based around the borrowed shoes issue.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD did his usual summing up of the hares’ performance and concluded that they had done a good job, although they were somewhat weak on costume to reflect the run theme. He promptly dovetailed this into the competition proper, which was split into male and female sections, with 2 rewards in each. How generous we are these days!
The male section was won by a dodgy-looking Muslim in a shiny mask and a wizard. While we all knew who was under the latter, not so may guessed it was LCF in Islamic mode. They saw off competition from a gay-looking Scot and a dubious-looking vampire.
The girls were far more inventive, presenting the best efforts in recent memory. Competition was fierce and the voting was tight, but eventually it was decided that DUCHESS TADPOLE and another had triumphed.
With the GM back in the circle, we knew what to expect. He had noticed some sexual frolicking on the sidelines and demanded a repeat striptease from SAMBA LA BAMBA and Chi for all our benefits.
W-KW now took the stage to present hare rewards to KAM and FERRY QUEEN, who had amassed totals of 20 and 5 respectively.
It was LCF’s turn in the circle and I was already loosening my trousers. He referred back to his UK visit this year and how he had stayed with me for a couple of weeks. Having had the chance to check out the house, he was convinced that he had found a message on CUM YAK YAK's wall suggesting that she would like him to be her sugar daddy. Sacha, or Slasher, as he likes to call her, has far better taste, like her Dad. With the mention of the demise of my car on the Nürburgring, GASMAN suggested I now be referred to as NO MORE CAR.
Having first confirmed that DIRT LOONEY was wearing nothing under his kilt, the GM now brought 3 girls into the circle, including LOST CAUSE, Ella and another requesting us to decide what they all had in common. I, along with most others, thought it was something to do with big tits. Apparently, short hair was the correct answer. Really?
THE WIZARD iced SAMBA LA BAMBA, Chi and Ella for sitting down without permission and then took the Americans to task for forcing Halloween on the rest of us. He kept us further amused by a series of jokes.
The GM finally iced all the Belgians and told a story about Muslim robbers.
Before we could murder the Hash Hymn, the hares had us repeating the "Sex Is Boring….." refrain.
Nicky's was the Hash Bar tonight and we thank Debbie and her staff for their continued support and tolerance.
On-On! No More Cum