As the baht bus began the journey from Pattaya to the A-Site, Highway 331 Asian University, it was looking like a great afternoon for a run. As we neared the A-Site the telltale moisture on the road suggested a rain shower was not far away. Unfortunately, as the bus arrived at the destination a refreshing shower was in progress, hashers ejected from the bus scattered looking for cover, while LIBERACE and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER had water proofed the signup area – at least for them, as they reclined in LIBERACE's car while accepting cash through the window.
Wandering the A-Site MENTAL DISORDER, looked a little lost, stripped of GM's duties for the day, as he was a hare, while also missing the guiding hand of MENSTRUAL DISORDER, who was visiting her family.
THE WIZARD, who had stepped up to GM gave the customary 5 minute warning, which alerted me to MENTAL DISORDER's behaviour. Watching MENTAL closely, as THE WIZARD called the circle, MENTAL was mouthing the circle call, while firmly gripping the beer bus to prevent finding himself walking into the circle.
THE WIZARD gave a round up of Hash News, welcomed 6 virgins and demonstrated a second use for new shoes – to the amusement of some owners. THE WIZARD called the 7 hares into the circle, who had perhaps prematurely decided, they should be named Magnificent 7. As the hares found they only numbered 5 this would require a name change and they would then be referred to as Enthusiastic 5. MENTAL DISORDER gave the usual run instructions, clearly enjoying his return to the circle, giving detailed and repeated instructions, until, with a tear in his eye, released the runners in the direction of the first paper.
With all runners hopefully returned and hydrated, THE WIZARD called the circle. Hares were called on the ice and the run dissection began. MENTAL DISORDER spoke about the virgin trail – his mind was clearly somewhere else. SPEEDO PETE said he preferred CRAPPER's run and GOLDEN RIVET gave a paid political announcement. The run trail, however, went through a fresh planting of tapioca – hashers are reminded fresh plantings are never to be crossed, always travel at the extremities of the planting.
GM gave control to the King of Retail aka SIR FREE WILLY to conduct the Raffle. Congratulations to the winners and many thanks for the generous prizes donated.
GM called MENTAL DISORDER and RAT VON KIEL to the ice. It must be said here that RAT VON KIEL, clearly batting above his abilities, had brought an attractive partner to the hash. Somehow MENTAL DISORDER and RAT VON KIEL had set a wager, that should MENTAL DISORDER not speak about sex in the circle for 20 minutes, RAT VON KIEL would propose marriage to his partner. MENTAL DISORDER thought he was on a winner here, RAT VON KIEL thought he had a win win situation, and RAT VON KIEL's partner was in a mild panic.
GM gave the circle to AIRHEAD who called the hares on the ice. An interrogation followed to see which hare did the work and which just wanted the credit. AIRHEAD then called RAT VON KIEL and his virgin on the ice. While the virgin had no hash name his nickname was 'springer' – as his vocation, at the port in his home country, necessitated he walk on stilts with springs. RAT VON KIEL thought he would emphasize the spring bit, by jumping around the circle – we had already grasped the explanation but were amused by the jumping.
Springer's CV included time as a professional soccer player and time at the Government's pleasure. The time incarcerated was due to Lady problems – what could possibly go wrong in the world's largest lady honeypot, Pattaya. Springer was later given a hash name by AIRHEAD as, NOT LONG ENOUGH.
GM took control and called MENTAL DISORDER to the ice. For those that don't know MENTAL DISORDER is a prodigious Facebook poster and with MENSTRUAL DISORDER away, decided to post some of his latest culinary creations. The pictures show MENTAL DISORDER prefers his food to be well cooked – bordering on cremated.
GM gave control to NO MORE CUM. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER and ANTIQUE were called to the ice with the lovely CHERRY BLOSSOM. NO MORE CUM spoke of how he and ANTIQUE hosted LORD CHICKEN FUCKER in England and the eccentricity LORD CHICKEN FUCKER presented.
GM then called ANTIQUE, GI JOE, REAL OLD and LORD CHICKEN FUCKER to the ice – with Remembrance Day in mind those hashers are the closest we have to WWI veterans – with the greatest respect.
GM then called the car-less, NO MORE CUM on ice. NO MORE CUM was then asked to reveal how he became car-less one Sunday, in the not too distant past, on the Nurburgring. Apparently NO MORE CUM made an annual pilgrimage to the Nurburgring, to test his heavily modified spec BMW M3 and to satisfy the need for speed. That heavily modified BMW had just had a 2000 GBP engine upgrade, with the bill yet to be paid. So with only 25% of the high speed lap completed what could possibly go wrong – came in the form of a Porshe GT3. Knowing that 2 cars into the 1 gap doesn't go – both drivers still felt the need to prove the science. Both cars were then valued for scrap metal. One can only assume VV was ignorant to this story, or he would never have given the beloved beer truck keys to NO MORE CUM – to drive in his absence.
GM then gave control to WANK-KING'S WANKER who then proceeded to ice anything that moved. Having satisfied that urge, WANK-KING'S WANKER then proceeded to the give the awards – GING GANG GOOLIE received a shirt for 50 runs and PHANTOM received a 5 hare cap.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was then given control icing NO MORE CUM. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER suggested driver training for NO MORE CUM may be money well spent – probably to get ahead of VV's panic phone call when TWO TIME relates the Nurburgring story.
Hares were then respectful requested to sing a song – ANTIQUE obliged and sang of Old King Cole, throwing his balls in the air.
Hash Hymn was then sung.
On-On! Phantom