Well I’m back in town after a 4 months absence and nothing has change except NO MORE CUM's dopey half a haircut has grown out, WANK-KING’S WANKER's silly fucken Mohawk has grown out but it hasn’t made him any prettier, GI JOE is on a diet and lost weight but SQUEEZE found it, LONE WOLF has been promoted to SERGEANT, BALL RINGER is doing sign ups instead of GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, no SIR FREE WILLY and LADY FLIPPER doing rags and raffles, LOVE BOAT flogging thousands of raffle tickets so profits have doubled, no BBC's or G strings as raffle prizes, no NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER private smoking circle but apart from that same, same.
Good “A” site off Soi Polo 1 lucky it was low tide, nice flat area even had some shade and a breeze. Cracks had set up a picnic area with a Bar B Q and fire pit to keep warm.
Hares today are BEETROOT HEAD, ARSE BANDIT, SHE'S THE BOSS and HURTS HER VAGINA. Run today around 9 or 10 KM and a walker’s trail of 5 KM.
Being a lazy fat fuck I did the walkers trail with TURD BURGLAR, we were power walking but passed by GOLDEN RIVET who set a cracking pace then PINK DOLPHIN running away from ARSE-A-HOLIC but he kept catching up. We did a respectable 4.54 KM. and the lazy short cutting bastard GM THE WIZARD with only 4.3 KM.
BANANAS had a crash on the run and approached the GM for information on the PH3’s insurance policy so he could make a claim for his injuries, said the scars on his leg would impede his ability to get a shag but was informed his biggest impedance was his personality. He was told to fuck off as the PH3 only insures important things like the beer truck and if he was seriously injured he’d be left behind in a fresh dug hole in the jungle, that’s the policy.
About an hour’s run for the fit and foolish front runners. Good snacks of Oreo Cookies, fruit and cheese sticks, chips and fresh cut fruit on return from the run. VV’s famous baguettes all gone in a flash so if you don’t hurry back to the “A” site you’re going to starve or survive on beer. Book and pay in advance? Just don’t eat all the chicken curry they’re my favourite.
First circle starts with ARSE-HOLEO iced for taking beer before the first runner is back but this is normal for him he’s a regular Hash multi sinner.
Hares iced and run considered a success except for the shit HHH signs, hares said they had 3 signs but only saw 1 so apart from the shit sign an excellent run and “A” site with shade and parking.
Raffle time and I think I’ve got tickets from last week, LOVE BOAT is as shifty as FREE WILLY but prettier and the size of 1 of his legs, the closest I got to a winning number was the zero. Today’s winners are UNSTABLE LOAD, TURD BURGLAR, Napaporn, OUT OF ORDER, WANK-KING’S WANKER, POLE FUCKER, VELCRO DICK, GI JOE.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and ices the hares for a report of today's run, started with the shit HHH signs that could be easily seen from about 1 metre but any further and it was just a yellow blur and the lack of signs meant EA got lost for a while. He usually gets a little bit lost but only after NIGHT RIDER's smoking circle rituals, it's the herbs.
Virgins in, Luke from Bankstown, that’s in Sydney, Australia and Zeta who started the run as a beautiful young girl and entered the circle looking like ANTIQUE, the Thai sun ages you very quickly.
TAMPAX iced for his 500th run but declines a title like MAXI PAD TAMPAX or TAMPON MAXIMUS or HEAVY DAYS TAMPAX, up to him. Funny discussion about a fitness instructor named Susie that he had the hots for but only wanked over not on only over during dreams.
Hans from Germany in for a naming with his dodgy friend STUPID KRAUT KUNT and more Germans and as he is a German Government Official he will now be known as KAPTAIN KORRUPTION. A name usually reserved for Thai Government employees.
NO MORE CUM takes the circle and ices STUPID KRAUT KUNT and 6 Germans for ATM problems after being called out in the middle of the night when SKK’s ATM card doesn’t work. NMC discovers that the PIN number is correct but for another card. Anyone surprised? ARSE-HOLEO iced again for leaving his crack at the Buffalo Bar while he went to play pool. THE WIZARD and SPERM POLLUTER iced for singing at the Buffalo Bar karaoke. That’s how you empty a beer bar in 60 seconds.
Moaning BANANAS iced and given the Hash Crash Hat, LORD CHICKEN FUCKER in to sing him a song. Wanker of the Week Award selection is between DRINKS LIKE A GIRL and SKK and Kai is the popular choice after prompting by the GM.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER ices the Yokohama and Okinawa visitors, SQUEALS LIKE A PIG and BI CURIOUS GEORGE for wearing gay happy coats and trying to tempt other gay hashers by leaving the happy coat untied and flashing flabby white skin.
BALL RINGER in for teaching BEN 10 the Hash Hymn, BEN 10 is now teaching other kids at school the Hash Hymn especially the wanking bit that he does all the time now and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older, BALL RINGER wishes he’d stuck to wanking.
Hares get LORD CHICKEN FUCKER to sing a hares song, Lilly the Pink. Very funny. Last down downs and Hash Hymn by MISS PIGGY, HARD ON, ALICE, TURD BURGLAR, ANTIQUE and BALL RINGER.
Another great day out, see you next week and remember I got to sit down at last night’s circle while you old fucks had to stand up and I RUN and DRINK for FREE next week just for writing this shit so do yourself a favour put your hand up to scribe next week and you can be like me a lazy fat fuck running and drinking for FREE.
On-On! Rear Gunner